


Riverside

by Tomed



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Assassination Attempt(s), Bigotry & Prejudice, Blackmail, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Development, Dark Past, Demisexuality, Depression, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Friendship/Love, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Torture, Interspecies Awkwardness, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Neurological Disorders, Pansexual Character, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Redemption, Relationship Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 20:51:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 47,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12661191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tomed/pseuds/Tomed
Summary: Moshae Sjefa has a great idea, Evfra is not amused and the Initiative couldn't care less. Sara discovers the alien galaxy and already seemed to have found her soulmate in Jaal. While those two awkward lovebirds circle around one another Scott is knee-deep in a fight for survival between the expectations of everyone else from "The Pathfinder" and his personal needs of being allowed to just be "Scott".





	1. Chapter 1

_Down by the river by the boats_  
_Where everybody goes to be alone_  
_Where you wont see any rising sun_  
_Down to the river we will run_  
  
_Down by the water the riverbed_  
_Somebody calls you somebody says_  
_Swim with the current and float away_  
_Down by the river everyday_

 _Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep  
And I don't know why I go the way  
Down by the riverside _  
  
_I walk to the borders on my own_  
_To fall in the water just like a stone_  
_Chilled to the marrow in them bones_  
Why do I go here all alone?

[Agnes Obel]

 

Scott closed his eyes. His teammates had something like a vacation for a few days. They were reminded to just relax and do what was good for oneself. Usually he would roll his eyes and ignore such a demand, feeling like it was a little exaggerated. But all in all he saw reason in it.

His father died for him, He had nearly lost Sara too, killed a ton of souls within his time here in Andromeda and on top of that he felt political pressure nearly everywhere because wherever he went there always were people that knew “the Pathfinder” and as though had certain expectations he had to represent. With it even a stroll to the bathroom was some sort of stress -together with all the death and destruction he witnessed a month ago regarding Meridian, well, maybe a vacation would not be a bad idea at all.

That was the reason for them to fly to Aya right now, Jaal wanted to be there, something about stuff to do for the Resistance, but also to show Sara the city Scott strongly supposed. The two of them were awkwardly cute together, even if they did not see it that way right now. They would figure it out sooner or later. Hopefully sooner, Scott wanted to be a witness to their growing relationship at least to an extend.

Sadly Scott was not in the shuttle to stay low for a few days, too. No. It was expected from him that he’ll use his free time to work as something like a pupil to Moshae Sjefa. She had not only agreed to that, no, _she_ had been the one to propose that he should visit Aya for educational benefits. No one asked him if he still wanted to be a pathfinder -well, in fact he did not wanted to be one in the first place. He accepted all that just because it had been necessary. That was no longer the case, there were other Pathfinders the Initiative could rely on. Why not give him some rest? What was their goal?

He sighed deeply and tried not to look as exhausted and burnt out as he felt. Sara looked up at him, questionably. She knew best how to read him and with it she knew damn well not to disturb him with noisy questions he wouldn't answer out here in the open anyway. He was someone that refused to deal with his problems as long as he could, yet alone burden others with it. She always had a hard time encouraging him to speak openly about his feelings. She hated it whenever he repressed everything and rather played the always smiling party animal.

“Scott? Jaal and I were discussing what I should visit first at Aya -what do you recommend?”

He shrugged.

“I like the museum.”

“And Avela Kjar as I have heard.”, she smiled mischievously while he managed to hide his red face. Sara just loved to tease him with those kinds of things.

“She’s _a friend_ , Sara.”

“If you say so.”

Sighing he looked out of the window. Well, they were almost there.

“The LZ’s in sight.”, their pilot informed them.

“ _Captain obvious_...”, Scott muttered under his breath. Sara coughed to hide her laughter. She was all but subtle. But that was just Sara being Sara. And he loved her for that. There were many situations every day that he realized just how much he had missed her. Now that she was awake and well he was constantly in inner agony. Before Miridian he never had enough time to think or even eat properly, so it figures that he was now feeling all the angst, the guilt and pain. He had almost lost her too. And he knew she was alright and _alive_ , but he somehow felt like he was still alone. Still without family. It was stupid. But... So much happened. She was exactly the same. It was not her fault. It was his. He was different now.

After landing they were welcomed by the angara quite enthusiastic. Moshae Sjefa was there, too, right next to a grumpy looking dark blueish angara which face was indication enough that he had been more likely dragged there by her then by free will. Even after everything Evfra de Tershaav had all but love for him... And Scott was pretty sure that it was personal antipathy and had precious little to do with him being from the alien Initiative. Unfortunately he liked the attitude of that angara, so Evfra's neglect sometimes hit a nerve -something Scott would never admit out loud of course.

“Paavoa, Pathfinder! I hope your trip was well?“

Scott shrugged slightly. He sometimes forgot how much he disliked small talk.

“Guess so.”

He couldn't help but feeling quite at edge. He really had no idea what he’ll had to deal with. Together with his glorious 2-hour-sleep he had it was a dangerous combination for sure. But he tried his best not to be too grumpy, their relationship was still not sturdy enough for that much "real Scott Ryder" he feared. As much as he would love to be a little more himself these days... His job as the Pathfinder was exhausting and ungrateful.

“Well, I expect that you’re tired. We’ll discuss everything necessary straight away, so you can get some rest. Starting tomorrow I believe it will be quite exertive for you.”

She started walking and Scott just followed her, while Sara and Jaal stayed back for some reason beyond his interest. Suspiciously Evfra was at Moshae's heels too. Scott gave his best not to overspeculate that fact while trying also not to gaze at the Resistance leader constantly while walking to the HQ. Moshae Sjefa went all mystery with her “I’ll wait till we reach Evfra’s workplace, with the big table and no possibilities of comfortable seats, to speak about what matters”. It was an annoying ability of hers.

As they finally reached that room Scott suppressed a sigh. The only things he liked in there were the enormous windows and the view they gave over Aya’s amazing fauna. But the clicking and quiet chatting here and there of those few angara that worked in here on those monitors, while standing the whole time of course, kinda destroyed that peace the view provides.

“...The Initiative thinks that now that the Archon is no more, there is finally some time to dedicate oneself to all those matters that were unattended -as your training regarding leadership. As far as your instincts got you, we all believe that it will be a great improvement if you’ll attend some sort of education. You’re still young so it will definitely be beneficial to use the necessary resources for your apprenticeship.”

Scott nodded. What else should he do? It had been all decided days ago with him having zero saying in it. They were of course right, Cora has received years of training on how to be a Pathfinder. And there had been plenty situations in which he had been utterly frustrated of his “skills” to lead. He had good instincts, yes. But holding a team together, order them around and demand respect for his position? Not his thing. He was maybe a good enough leader in crisis, but not in general. Hell, he not even wanted to be one. But it would not matter. Because he did not…

“...What am I supposed to do from now on?", he couldn't help but sound defeated. Because he was. He really had not the energy to fight this whole mess.

“You’ll be subordinated to Evfra to accompany him through his daily work schedule. He’ll teach you everything a leader has to fulfill.”

His face must’ve been indication enough of how fondly he thought about that idea, because she looked at him with amusement.

“I strongly believe that you can learn a thing or two from one another. It will be beneficial for both of you, you’ll see.” She chuckled again, both men looked at her with nearly the same sour face. It was hilarious.

“My, my, don’t be so shocked. It sure won’t be as bad as you two imagine it to be. You’ll see.”

And with this she excused herself and left. Evfra immediately went to his desk and began reading something on his Pad. Scott was pretty sure that the angara had begun to work his way through the reports of his teams. Well, and he stood there in the middle of the room, not knowing what to do. Feeling quite...stupid. After maybe 5 minutes (that was the longest time Scott could muster to wait in patience) he crossed his arms trying to summon everything he had to not sound huffy.

“And what exactly am I supposed to do?”

The angara did not even look up while talking.

“You come back tomorrow morning, 6 am.”

Scott growled. That was early. He was positive that Evfra was just cruel to him, but he could not say for sure. He could imagine the angara to arise very early every morning for work. Maybe it was generous he did not expected him to be up at 5 o'clock. Evfra did not seem like a man that had a private life. Or at least Scott couldn’t come up with anything else that that man would do. Does he even have a hobby?

Evfra looked up, sending him one hell of an annoyed face.

“Yeah, yeah. Understood. I'm out of your way... Well, at least until morning. See ya.”

Scott hurried to get outside, immediately feeling less humiliated. Pumping the fresh air into his lungs he went straight to the tavetaan in great need of a drink. A strong one.


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell_

_I know right now you can't tell_

_But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see_

_A different side of me_

[Crazy: Matchbox 20]

 

It didn’t take Scott much to figure out that he had no idea where to spend the night. Places were rare here on Aya he knew that much.

“Pathfinder, what a blessing seeing you!”

“Avela!”

Smiling he greeted her with some sort of mixture between a handshake and a hug. They both were somehow a little bit on edge. Their friendship was only at the beginning and together with their cultural differences it was hard to figure out how things work.

“What are you up to this time? Rescuing the world again?”

“Nah, I believe I’ve earned some sort of break. You know what? Forget that: I’m _resigning_.”

She chuckled.

“I agree, you did enough for one lifetime.”

“Thank you very much!”

Jokingly he gifted her with one of his compelling smiles -the ones he did whenever he had to blend others. He used that skill of him pretty often over the past years -so much he actually felt his whole being revolted whenever he successfully blended his counterpart.

-”Hey, there you are! We wondered where the hell you’ve been!”

“Sara… Oh, and Jaal. Hello there, my friend.”

And again his treacherous ability was being used. Sara frowned. Oh no, she wouldn’t dare to-

“Scott, what’s wrong?”

He shrugged, his mask of imperturbable joy immediately slipped away. The only leftover was a blank motionless face that was a bit frightening especially for the two angara.

“Sara, I don’t want to burden any of you with my problems.”

“I am your sister, _o_ _f course_ you’ll burden me with your problems! You don’t have a say in this one, dear brother! -I take one of those too! Thank you.”

The barkeeper nodded clearly amused of her. Without hesitation she sat beside Scott on the table. Only as her drink was put before her she looked up at him questionably while Jaal made himself comfortable with a drink of himself and Avela was still ordering.

“Well?”

“...It’s no big deal, really...”

Sometimes he hated the fact that he loved her too much to just punch her and be left alone...

“Quit that. _I’m listening_.”

Sighing he nipped on his drink. It tasted kinda bitter. But the angara did not like sweet things because of their taste buds or so, so he should ‘ve expected it to taste at least a little bit different. But to be true he liked that bitter taste. Sighing he fought the upcoming picture of one special, grim looking angara that he would see in approximately...9 hours. Sometimes he hated his mind so fucking much.

Well, he was just pinpointing the inevitable, so better be done with it fast.

“Starting tomorrow I’ll be Evfra’s student or something like that. Dunno if I should cry or quickly disappear back to black space...”

Avela coughed with shockingly wide eyes.

“Stars! No wonder you’re here drinking your sorrow away! -Please a refill for my friend over here!”

Scott lifted his eyebrow while Avela smiled ruefully. Sara had mostly no idea what the problem was, she hadn’t even met the Resistance leader. And Jaal… Well. Scott had a hard time reading his face most of the times. At least Avela’s reaction was kinda helpful.

“Drink. You need it.”

He swallowed the rest of that drink down and the barkeeper was eager to fill it yet again with that stuff.

“As much as I would love to drink enough to blow my mind away, I can’t. Don’t want to push my luck. If I’ll be drunk tomorrow morning he’ll probably hate me even more.”

“He likes no one. There’s nothing you can do, I fear. After joining the Resistance and the reform he…changed. I believe it was necessary after all that happened. Many of us changed after losing so much.”

“But he’s… I don’t know. Still different then most of you. You all are so open. About nearly everything.”

“Well, he isolated himself from all of us. Even his bioelectrical field changed somehow into...well, something different. Instead of sharing emotions he’s _shielding_ them. Quite fascinating to be honest. Never seen something like that. We wouldn’t even know of this being possible if not for him.”

-“Sounds pretty lonely.”

Sara shrugged as she got quite the strange looks after her statement. 

“What? Just think about it. If it is a great deal in you culture to exchange emotions and he isolated himself from that… I dunno. It just sounds so sad.”

Avela shrugged and drank impressively much of this stuff without even blinking. What a tough woman! As if she knew what he thought she smiled at him.

“Well, that move of his is only logical if you think a bit about it. I mean, he’s a symbol of liberation. For all of us. Whatever he does has a great impact on our people as a whole. He’s a tactician and as though he knows how important it is to stay cool especially in crisis. You could say that he used his loss to turn it into something useful not only for him but for the angara as a whole: no personal ties means you can be more practical in visualizing everything and thus you’re way more effective. This thinking wins a war. It is what made it possible for us to stay alive that long in the first place...”

“But the war is now won.”

Well, there are still many Kett in our galaxy...”

“Yeah, but...what will the Resistance do after they ‘re all gone, too?”

“I…”, Avela looked up to Jaal, clearly not knowing what to say. Jaal sighed.

“It will be a crucial time. Full of change.”

Scott nodded slightly. If the Kett are gone for good what was left for the Resistance? The need for protection would sink dramatically, that would lead to many changes within the angara. Those people always lived to exist. They never had time to do more than just surviving. And what about their leader? If the Kett are wiped out from this galaxy Evfra would loose much of his importance. But if you ‘ve given up your whole life for a cause and said cause shrinks to something small, nearly unimportant, there wasn’t much that remained, was there?

Well, it was pretty much like Scott felt now. He found humanity a home -more like many of them to be precise. And now? Now he was to be some sort of student to learn things he did not want to learn. His title “Pathfinder” was not accurate anymore. The need for a Pathfinder was...not what it had been before.

He had to figure out what to do with his life. Well, if he had a chance to and won’t be dealt with the same way Jien Garson had been… Who knows where that “Benefactor” was now and how much he cared for not being known? After all he and his SAM were the only ones knowing the truth for their early leave from the Milky Way. He was a potential threat for that unknown person. It was somehow pretty frightening.

“What’s going on in your head, Pathfinder? You look troubled.”

It was nice of Jaal to show concern, especially with their all but smooth start with forging some trust, but Scott could not stop himself from grimacing.

“ _Scott_.”

Jaal blinked confused while Scott rubbed his forehead in slight agony. Stress always got to his head pretty fast. He believed that his implants were the cause of this. After all his biotics always had been rather unstable to begin with.

“ _My name’s Scott_. And I honestly hate it to be called “Pathfinder”… You introduced me as a friend to your siblings some time ago, Jaal.”

Jaal nodded completely sincere. He got Scott’s point immediately. It was astonishing.

“Then “Scott” it is.”

Jaal watched him thoughtfully, maybe trying to figure out how to ask him something, because he could tell that he wanted to. But they were interrupted by a joyful cry.

“My baby brother! Here you are, finally speaking up! -Well, at least a little bit more than before… You grew up without me, you jerk!”

Sara tousled playfully through his hair and smiled from ear to ear. Her good mood was nearly blinding him.

“Oh god, Sara, don’t tell me your drink already got to your head?”

She chuckled. And it was this high-pitched chuckle that was answer enough.

“Oookay, that’s enough. You’ll embarrass yourself and me too. Jaal?”

Chuckling lowly Jaal uttered some undefinable sound that left Scott shivering. He could perfectly understand why Sara was so attired to that pinkish Tinkerbell. Not that Scott had thought about anything even remotely kinky regarding him... Okay, _maybe_ he had. But… Well, somehow he felt like something would miss. Jaal was kind and really nice. Maybe kinda cute too. _But_.

Jup, there it was. Same reason that he did not start something with Reyes. Attraction was there, that point was not deniable but… Well. Something was just odd. There was nearly no challenge in that. And Scott loved being challenged.

“I’ll take that one.”

Jaal drank it with one impressive sip.

“That’s one hell of a gift!”

It was more a joke than anything but Jaal thanked him anyway. Either not understanding that Scott had teased him a little bit or he just did not care. Maybe something of both… Jaal smiled.

“Honestly, Scott, you’ll be fine. Evfra is a great leader. Being able to learn from him is a rare opportunity, not granted for many. No one in fact. Well, until you now it seems.”

Scott huffed.

“Well, I don’t think that he wants to. I bet the Moshae is responsible for that.”

“No one can say no to the Moshae, not even Evfra.” Jaal chuckled again. He clearly had no pity for Scott, not even the slightest. As if the now-older-twin should be in fact _honored_ by that opportunity. He would gladly allow anyone to replace him as the student of that arrogant yet elusively hot prick.

“You’ve earned his trust already, I don’t know why you’re that concerned. He won’t bite. ... _Probably_.”

Sara and Avela tried to suppress their laughter. Jaal thought he was pretty funny himself but Scott was not amused.

“Don’t make fun of my situation! I’m really at a loss here!”

He couldn’t help but smile genuinely. Even though he had no clue on how to fix his sorry existence, at least he seemed to have gained some really good friends by now. And that was worth any torturous collaboration.


	3. Chapter 3

_Well, you've built a city right in me_

_And brick by brick and piece by piece_

_And love in both your hands_

_Try to make an honest man_

_From when I woke until I went to sleep_

_You planned my life so carefully_

_Sculpted me like clay, I can see you in my face_

 

_And I never thought I'd live this life without your guiding light_

[Sinner: Andy Grammer]

 

After their nice evening together at the tavetaan he was allowed to stay with Avela, while Sara gladly surrendered herself over to Jaal. She had been pretty tipsy the whole evening, but Jaal did not seem to be affected by that in any negative way. In fact that pinkish alien thought that she was _adorable_. He had told her so at least 3 times -every time in a different way of course. Looking back Scott was sure that the angara had been affected by the alcohol too.

Scott certainly won’t forget Sara’s attempts at flirting with Jaal any time soon. It could become one of his greatest hobbies so far: Watching his sister attempting to seduce an alien. He sighed. At least she was allowed to live like she saw fit. The public was not as focused on her and he saw that as a blessing.

Smiling he tried to figure out what to wear. He hated the clothes of the Initiative. He hated the colors. On Kadara he had bought some new ones because of that. A simple dark outfit, fitting him way more and reminding him more of his actual self. They were his first belongings here in Andromeda that truly were his and his alone. They had nothing to do with his job and he loved them simply for that fact.

Sighing he started crawling inside his hated Initiative clothing. Because he was on Aya on behalf of the Initiative to be the pupil of the Resistance leader. It was their goal to learn more of the HQ and Evfra, of that Scott was sure. It felt all but nice to be in his position. The Resistance probably saw him as some kind of spy and wouldn't trust him in the first place.

Sighing again he looked at the mirror. Hating what he saw. Well, at least his hair had outgrown those of his father by now. He was a little self-conscious about not putting them back with his usual hair spray and all the other products. He nearly never had them in any other way, because sooner or later he had to wear the helmet of his suit -and without any hair products to keep them in line it was one great pain in the ass wearing that thing! The moment his hair falls in his face he couldn’t do anything. And that hesitation could cost lives. But here on Aya he was not really in need of his suit. So it should be okay to just let his hair be. Was healthier anyway…

Sighing yet again he brushed his teeth. Normally he did that while showering but the showers here on Aya were...strange. He had his difficulties figuring out how to start the engine in the first place. The angara surely used those devices with their bioelectrical field, because SAM figured out that the water only came out if something that looked like a button (but was none) was pushed with some electricity. God be blessed that he was a biotic and that that had worked out just fine too. Otherwise he would’ve had no other choice than to ask Avela for help. _To_ _be able_ _get a_ _shower_! Ridiculous. Just ridiculous.

But he liked it. Everything even remotely alien was a delight. With it there weren’t many similarities with earth -their home planet that most certainly did not exist any longer… All the barkeepers he had seduced. The women he had lured into his bed. His classmates. His first squad team he had been included. His teachers. Neighbors. _Every single one_. They were all probably dead.

All the people he had relationships with. He had used them. All of them. Just to forget. Sex had been his way of running away from his family and his dying mother… Sara had struggled just like him but she had dealt with it much better. She had studied way harder. Read even more. He had done this too or at least tried to, but it hadn’t been enough. He never had been good with dealing with his feelings. Sara was the stronger sibling. The healthier. If their dad could have chosen he would have been a fool to not take her as his successor. She was without any bad records, never been that kind of troublemaker in the first place. She never had orgies or went on partying every night. She never came home way too late to trouble their mother further…

Sighing yet again he splashed cold water into his face. Why was he still mourning those things he did to his long lost partners? And their mother? After all she was the one in a cryo-pod. She was _alive_. They only had to find a cure. Piece of cake, really… His father on the other hand wouldn't look at him ever again with his serious glance. Alec Ryder has been so stern. It was hard to relate to him. 

_/Your father thought you capable of fulfilling his dreams. Why do you still doubt his decision to rescue you?/_

“Well, why not? He killed himself in that process, SAM. You know best why I think the way I do.”

_/I still find myself at a loss sometimes. It is hard for me to understand why you dislike yourself so much. There is so much evidence of your value, Scott./_

“Ugh...”

With that exaggerated sound of disgust Scott dried his face and hurried outside. Avela was already gone. Life starts early on Aya. That was his first lesson of his stay so far. And he could bet that there were many more new things to explore. That was definitely the fun part of being allowed to stay on Aya for a while.

Jogging on his way to HQ to clear his mind he focused on memories of his past. Of earth. Not wanting to think about his task beforehand. He was already way too nervous and feared that he would turn around in an instant if he really thought about all the pressure that weighted him down already.

He never thought much about his past until recently. He had been happy to start anew in Andromeda. To be able to leave all that shit behind. The lifestyle he hadn't been able to break out from. The mother he thought dead -that now _wasn’t_.

His life really was a fucking mess. Well, maybe not entirely. There were good memories too. But the bad one’s just kept coming to the surface. They wanted to be dealt with.

“SAM, can’t you just...make them disappear?”

_/I’m sorry, Scott, but I won’t do something like that. Memories are important to develop oneself. Besides it is too dangerous./_

“Yeah, thanks for nothing...”

Sighing he stopped right before the entrance. That got out way harsher then he had intended.

“...Sorry. Didn’t mean that.”

_/I know. Don’t trouble yourself./_

Blinking rapidly he urged his body not to react. SAM was way too nice to him while he was an ass most of the times! Breathing unevenly he tried to compose himself. Why was he almost bursting into tears? What the hell was wrong with him?!

_/Being emotional is a crucial part of being human. You can’t always be in control of them and you don‘t have to be solely how your environment expect you to. Give yourself a break./_

After severely deep breaths Scott felt good enough to enter the building, pushing SAM and his well meant words aside. He had to function. Work was ahead. No time for silly things such as feelings that didn't belong to the situation at hand.

“Hello there!”

Being all smiles he greeted everyone. Some he knew, others he didn’t and, well, most of them looked all the same to him. It was hard figuring out the differences -and not feeling intimidated by the fact that they all knew him while he barely could remember even a few of their faces. His head ached. He felt his biotic powers urging. A tense yet somehow soft bristle of energy surrounding his form. And it was not helping to know that the angara were sensitive to those kind of things. While their bioelectrical fields weren’t the same as biotics, they could still feel it and surely suggest it’s meaning without much effort.

Growling he tried his best to fight this humiliating body response of his. But he couldn’t force it all back. Even his slightly wet hair got a little frizzy. But he couldn’t care less about that. He felt like shit anyway. And angara surely had no idea of human standards of beauty. There was no way in telling what they liked about humans and what not anyway. So he had no lead on what they would expect of him regarding his looks. It really was a blessing not to know certain things.

Finally he reached Evfra’s office.

“...Pathfinder.”

Evfra looked up for a short moment, his eyes almost went back to his pad, but stopped on track. Irritated. Blinking his eyes fixed him yet again. Scott’s head felt like it would explode at any minute. This was _not normal_. Evfra never looked at him more than a second! Never!

“Something’s different about you.”

The Resistance leader’s gaze was intense and yet full of discontent, his voice the embodiment of skepticism. That whole situation was so fucked up that Scott needed all his control to contain the nervous laughter that threatened to sputter to the surface.

“Uh, well. _No idea_ what you mean.”

“Hmpf.”

With that strange unhappy snort Evfra dedicated oneself back to his pad yet again.

“You’ll sort our old reports by their operation areas. After that there awaits you at least a mountain of data regarding our deceased soldiers. You’ll work your way through these too. And if you even get this far, I’ll instruct you with further tasks, no worries.”

Suppressing a stressed out sigh Scott managed to just nod, taking the pad laying there on the table that almost screamed “I’m yours for the taking” -because Evfra had been so nice to slide it to his direction in a pretty obvious way. His whole appearance (with wasting no further time in even looking at him again) clearly showing Scott how little he cared. Being rather pissed already Scott started to work his way through the reports.

It was really circumstantial to sort them all by their operation areas, because the location was only written at the very end of every report in some sort of code he had to figure out foremost. And sometimes it was just mentioned somewhere between the lines. To make matters worse it was extra hard if you couldn’t read angaran properly, which he couldn’t…

Without SAM it would’ve been an impossible task.

 

After hours and hours of standing Scott’s legs begun to hurt like hell. He withdrew himself to the window to at least be able to lean against something.

_/Just ask for a proper sitting place to work with. The angara will definitely understand./_

“I won’t give in...”

He had just whispered his words but Evfra’s shoulders tensed a little. He had heard him. And Scott knew how bad others thought about his connection with SAM. Many were frightened by that. And even more treated him like some dangerous undefinable _thing_. No not really him. _They both_ were treated that way. After all it all was the AI inside him that scared so many. -How many times had he been on the verge of punching someone because they had directly or indirectly insulted SAM?

_/I understand their motives, Scott. You don’t have to be so protective over me./_

Scott bristled with anger, but as silently as he could.

“I won’t sit and watch while my best friend lets himself get insulted for _just existing_ , SAM! They don’t trust you, because they don’t know you, but if they would take the time to get to know both of us they would finally get that _you’re_ the reliable one.”

-”What’s going on there?”

Evfra was looking at him and even while the soldiers on the screens on the other side of the room tried not to seem interested at all, they all glanced anyway.

“Sorry. SAM uttered some bullshit about himself and I had to intervene.”

Evfra’s face was one big, scary riddle he couldn’t solve at all. But instead of showing disgust or something at least like the good old distrust he just seemed to be in deep thought. Or somehow less agonized by the sheer sight of Scott.

“...So you’re able to speak to your AI at any given time?”

“SAM is not my possession! He may have no body of his own, but he’s nevertheless a living being -and above all a valuable friend of mine!”

Scott had enough courtesy to blush, while crossing his arms nervously and realizing that he overreacted. Evfra had just asked a question, starting a conversation between them out of his own motivation for god’s sake!

“Uh....and yeah, I’ve got an implant of him inside me, so yes, we can communicate everywhere at any given time.”

He rolled his eyes as he managed to read the angara’s face.

“No, we don’t use it _that often_ and yes, I know that it freaks normal people out. Just don't care that much.”

With an acknowledging sound Evfra applied himself once again to his pad.

_/Now ask him already!/_

Sighing Scott shifted uncomfortable, his legs feeling extremely sore, as well as his back while doing so. His body gave him a friendly reminder that SAM had a point.

“Well, Evfra, to be honest our conversation begun because SAM urged me to ask you if I could get the opportunity to sit somewhere. Because apparently “humans are not made for just standing on one spot for an entire day” as SAM has kindly reminded me every passed hour so far. And well, my pride aside I've got to admit that SAM is right, I _really_ need some place to sit -I could swear that I don’t even feel my feet anymore. Maybe they died off?”

_/That’s unlikely./_

Chuckling Scott rubbed his arm, clearly not caring how insane that whole speech of him must have been. The words just wanted to get outside. And it felt _so good_ to just be himself for _one fucking minute_!

“Acknowledged. You may leave to rest and return tomorrow morning.”

“...Fine.”

His sour mood for being excluded irritated the Resistance leader. He had thought the human to be grateful for his early day off. After all he granted that not frivolously. It had happened only 4 times within his time in command. But who was the human to know that? He crossed dark space not even a year ago. He knew _nothing_ of this world. Or their people.

Silently sighing he registered that the human's features showed displeasure. Well, he won’t grant him an early leave again any time soon, so much for that. It was not worth being watched by his subordinates questionably, because in contrast to that ungrateful human being before him _they_ knew how "often" he granted such a thing.

“And Pathfinder?”

The human male froze, his entire back as solid as a rock. What was wrong with the human? His behavior was highly confusing.

“Don’t be late.”

Growling Scott nodded before turning on his heels, being out of sight in less than a blink of an eye.

Shaking his head slightly Evfra read the first passage of his report yet again. Now he would finally be able to work as efficient as always. But he had to make up for the hours before in which he had caught himself observing the human again and yet again -regardless his best efforts.

What a troublesome day...


	4. Chapter 4

_They say be afraid_  
_You're not like the others, futuristic lovers_  
_Different DNA, they don't understand you_

 _You're from a whole other world_  
_A different dimension_  
_You open my eyes_  
_And I'm ready to go, lead me into the light_

 _Wanna be a victim, ready for abduction_  
_Boy, you're an alien, your touch so foreign_  
_Its supernatural, extraterrestrial_

[E.T: Katy Perry]

 

Lying on the roof of the HQ with his headphones on he watched the strange stars. He had watched the sky of Aya turning from all colorful to something dark and mesmerizing. He had missed just laying around and be able to stargaze.

_/Scott, your sister is searching for you./_

“Did you tell her where I am?”

_/I told her that you do not wish to be disturbed. But she is insisting./_

Scott smiled.

“Yeah, that’s Sara.”

_/Scott, I am not sure of how to operate.../_

“Just tell her to suck it up. I’m on my way.”

Sighing he freed one of his ears but refused to put his headphones off completely. He loved the song. All thanks to Reyes that he could hear his favorite music again. That man surely wanted to get into his pants...

Climbing down from the building and landing all but gracefully on his feet right before the entrance he found himself face to face with the one angara he did not intend to see again for the rest of the day. Because he was still mad for being excused early from work as if he was some weakling not capable of accomplishing what angara could.

According to this humiliated feeling of his he didn’t even try to cloak his discontentment. The fact that the Resistance leader left the building now angered him only further. He was supposed to learn from him, wasn’t he? He was supposed to work for him. If he had let him stay and explained him his work at least a little bit, well, maybe even Evfra would’ve been able to leave earlier. Or at least not that late? God! It was nearly midnight… His anger vanished quickly with that realization.

Observing the somehow weary looking angara further he sighed.

“Do you always leave work that late? Can’t be healthy… Even for angara.”

“Hm. It can’t be healthy for humans to clumsily climb a building down that was not meant for any climbing at all, too. -At least you managed to not kill yourself in the process. _Congratulations_.”

Blushing as red as the sun had been hours ago Scott shivered for some reasons with anticipation. So much words out of that mouth without any serious venom in it. God, he was seriously turned on. It was pitiful how extreme his reactions were. Maybe he should ‘ve agreed to meet Reyes somewhere just to get some steam off?

“Uh. Thanks?”

The space where angara would’ve their eyebrows lifted above one of Evfra’s eyes. And was this an amused glimmer in his vision or was Scott imagining things?

“That was not meant as a compliment.”

Scott shrugged, not able to hold his smile back -which he knew was his flirty one.

“Well, I take what I can get.”

_/Sara is on the way. I failed to withstand her persistent demands. I’m sorry./_

Sighing Scott immediately tensed again, his facial expressions yet again carefully guarded. Before the angara can ask what’s that about they both could hear eager footsteps. 3 seconds later Scott was nearly wept off his feet.

“You worrisome little dork! Were have you been all the time and why have you instigated SAM to not tell me where the hell you were?”

“Sara, seriously, I need air. You know, to be able to do that non-relevant thing called _breathing_...”

With a chuckle her embrace lost some of it’s force, but she didn’t back off, regardless his gruffly voice. He sighed.

“Have I ever told you what a nuisance you are?”

“Nah, just a couple of times, my dear brother. And I assure you, you’re just as much a nuisance as I am for you.”

“Of course I am. Ah, well... Sara, by the way: this is Evfra de Tershaav. You know. The Resistance leader. No biggie. Really. Just pretend we’re all alone, I bet he appreciates that very much.”

Scott tensed. Oh god. Had that been a _chuckle_?? Of course he was not sure, it had been a low and short sound indeed. But it must ‘ve been _Evfra_. Or was Jaal somewhere? Hiding in a bush near them?

Anyway Sara let go of him, getting rather flushed all of a sudden.

“...I’m very sorry.”

“There are far greater misdeeds than not recognizing me. -But if you don’t mind, it is late.”

Sara needed a second to get that she stood in the way.

“Oh, sorry. Uh, good night?”

“And you.”

Scott’s legs nearly gave in. Had Evfra’s gaze always been so intense? For fuck’s sake, his crotch even tightened! _What the hell?_ Sara glanced at Scott, smiling from one ear to the other and wiggling her eyebrows.

“Don’t tell me you ‘re screwing that guy?”

“Jesus, Sara, “that guy” is _Evfra_ we’re talking about!”

Her smile just got wider.

“Yeah… And you fancy him!”

“The hell I do!”

His flushed face was answer enough. Well, he had to try to keep all this remotely professional. But Sara couldn’t care less. And why should she? She had been sleeping all this time, she had no idea how hard it had been to be able to get at close proximity with Evfra. And it was certainly not possible _in that way_. Avela has said so herself. Evfra kept everyone at bay, lived in isolation.

How was Scott supposed to fit in there? How could he approach such a man? And more importantly _should_ he really do it? He was one hell of a walking disaster. Never been one to stay after having sex. Never cuddling. Never allowing to kiss, not even in kindergarten. Well, he never liked those he slept with so maybe... Not maybe. He would definitely do those things with him without a second thought.

Oh god, he really was one helpless idiot. Evfra was working almost the entire day. Even if he wanted to have some quality time with Scott he wouldn't allow that. Because duty first and all this heroically shit he was chained to, too. Sighing he looked aside.

He would be no good influence for this ambitious angara.

“Hey, dork.”

Sara hit him on his head.

“Ouch, what was that for?”

“You’re thinking too much.”

“I am not!”

“ _You are_.”

She gifted him with one of her rare super-sweet smiles that could warm up every heart -regardless it’s freezing state.

“Come on, Jaal wanted to show us a game angara play.”

“ _What_ game? Do I really want to be a part of that? You know that our kinks are really, really not the same...”

Laughing embarrassed she hit him yet again, but not with much force.

“Dork! Not that kind of games!”

Smiling mischievously he let himself be tugged to Jaal’s little place. What could possibly go wrong?

 

All it took was one hour. _One hour_ and Scott realized how fucked up he was. He had spaced out many times within his visit by now. Jaal had explained them the rules of this game with that strange cards and he mostly remembered nothing. Even while playing he lost the track of time, daydreaming about the strange behavior of Evfra from before. That amused look on his face was burned-in his memory. He couldn’t let it go. It was more than he would’ve ever imagined to see. Behind that grim Resistance leader was _so much_ , and now that Scott saw that little glimpse of _something_ he wanted all of it.

“Scott?”

“Uh, sorry. I… I think I should go. Pretty tired.”

“Well, it is late. But maybe you should stay over for the rest of the night, Avela needs her sleep too.”

Scott grimaced as he saw that it was already 2 O’clock in the morning.

“Oh god… I’ll look like shit tomorrow. -No, _today_ … Ugh...”

Shaking his head Jaal watched amused how Scott rolled himself to some small ball and yawned, his eyes shut tight immediately. Sara sighed.

“I really liked the game, but I’m also too tired to continue.”

"We can repeat it, but maybe starting a little bit earlier?"

"That would be awesome!"

Jaal smiled. It was astonishing to watch Sara Ryder. She was such an honest being. One could almost think she was angaran too. Scott on the other hand was a little more complicated. There were moments where he was entirely honest and nearly blows his counterparts away with it. And then there were those many situations in which he was guarding his expressions very strict. It happened a lot of times, but it was still strange for Jaal to bring that in line with the nearly childish behavior Scott had, together with his emphasizing way of always making jokes while being under stress it was one hell of a character. He cleared his throat, realizing that Scott was already snoring slightly.

“Your brother is certainly exhausted.”

The woman giggled.

“Daww, isn’t he cute while sleeping?”

Caressing her brothers cheek she put a blanket over him, fondly kissing him on the forehead. Her face turned all of a sudden to something very serious. It reminded Jaal of Scott. A rare moment in which the fact that those two were twins was as obviously as possible.

“He has changed so much... It frightens me.”

“Well, much has happened.”

“Yeah, I suppose so.”

She sighed.

“I guess I worry too much over him. Always have been. But he’ll stay my little dork even if we'll be 70 or so. I'll never forget that day in kindergarten...he had been too afraid to talk to his crush so I had to hold his hand all the time while he gave him his birthday present, not able to even wish him a happy birthday -and then he ran off. That poor boy had been so confused!”

Jaal smirked at that fond memory of hers.

“I cannot imagine him being unsure of himself.”

“Oh, believe me, he still is. Most of his attitude is simple acting. The real Scott is too shy and frightened to even allow himself to be in love.”

“Sounds strange to me.”

“Well, that’s my brother…”

She gazed thoughtfully out of the window.

“I don’t know how I fit in in all this. Never was that good in acting. Or with people in general to be honest...”

“You’re doing a wonderful job so far.”

“Flatterer.”

Smiling he pointed at the stars.

“You still want to learn all of them?”

“I would love to!”

He chuckled. He could sense her eagerness without much effort.

“Good.”

With this he took her hand carefully in his and lead her outside. The more he spend time with her the more he realized how badly he wanted her to be his. But there was no need to rush anything. He was patient. And they had time.


	5. Chapter 5

_Don't wanna let you down_

_But I am hell bound_

_Though this is all for you_

_Don't wanna hide the truth_

 

_When you feel my heat_

_Look into my eyes_

_It's where my demons hide_

_Don't get too close_

_It's dark inside_

_It's where my demons hide_

[Its where my demons hide: Gavin Mikhail]

 

This morning was definitely the worst he had on Aya. And he couldn’t care less that he had not showered, because hell, he slept away the opportunity to be on time! And Evfra had been just as arrogant as always, clearly annoyed for his late appearance. Scott was sure of it that ignoring him the entire morning so far had been Evfra’s way of punishment. Such a sadist.

It made Scott so nervous. He wasn’t sure what he should think about the angara and was squirrelly the entire time. And it got worse all the more Evfra was annoyed with him. No need to say that it didn’t take long for the tension getting so thick that the soldiers also seemed to be affected by it...

“By the stars, stop fidgeting, Pathfinder!”

Looking at Evfra thunderously Scott tried to obey. He really did. But his biotics were a mess and all he could think about were kinda kinky things, he barely slept because of that! It was all Evfra’s fault for being so different with him the evening before, almost _personal_.

Well, and then being under this sharp look nearly every passing minute while struggling to control one’s perverted mind... Let’s just say it was like his worst nightmare.

He couldn’t stand it, could almost feel in slow motion how his biotic powers slipped away regardless his best efforts. It was nothing extremely messy. He had worse. _Much_ worse. But apparently he was electrically charged enough so that every last one of those screens the soldiers had been working on crashed all of a sudden. And instead of many blinking lights there was only darkness.

All eyes were on him while he could still sense his biotics being rather overwhelmingly. Swearing slightly to himself he scratched his head in embarrassment. His stomach ached, trying forcefully to hold all those feelings inside. Something like this had not happen since his enlisting to the military.

-“What was that for??”

Evfra was snarling at him and Scott couldn’t help but to flinch. Already feeling his sea of emotions nearly over-floating again, threatening of drowning him any second. Angry about his lack of control he crossed his arms, unknowingly mimicking the angara before him.

“You don’t really think I did that on purpose?”

“If not on purpose why else?”

It would take _hours_ to calibrate the computers anew let alone the delay it would cost for their work schedule! _Yet again._

“Maybe I wouldn’t be that tense if you would talk with me more!”

“Are you telling me that I am responsible for your pitiful lack of control?”

Now Scott could feel his eyes feeling hotter than normal. Some memory of his emerged out of the deep black sea inside his head that held his past in it’s place.

“ _Having biotics don’t make you any better in protecting your pitiful existence!”_

_Terrible laughter. His classmates all around him. His biotic burst has made the classroom a real mess of papers laying all over the place and thrown off chairs. The windows were cracked. He would be send to the headmaster. Again. But it had happened out of anxiety for being on his own, for knowing exactly what his classmates would do. They always picked him. He destroyed his surroundings not willingly!_

_The boy shoved him. He tripped and fell. No way of escaping. He couldn’t breathe properly. Afraid. He was so afraid! And his biotics reacted to that even more. Unstable waves of his power escaping him, forcing the papers to fly around some more._

“ _Aw man, is he crying?”_

“ _Unbelievable!”_

“ _Well, without your sister you’re not that tough any more, huh?”_

“ _Just go back where you’ve come from, faggot! We don’t want you here anyway!”_

With a shuddering inhale Scott straightened himself. He wasn’t that 7 year old boy any more. He would not allow anyone to look down on him like that again. He had promised it to himself. But this was Evfra. And he was right in being angry with him. They weren’t in a classroom, doing stupid things. He was not helping being here. Not at all. He made it all worse.

“I think this was a bad idea after all…”

Without allowing himself to see how much of that flashback he had transpired outside or how good his counterpart interpreted his mimic he turned around.

And left. All the while hearing his classmates in his head calling him weak. Pathetic. A loser. -For leaving. For losing his shit. For admiring his sister. Being protected by her. For liking boys also… They had always found something that was not right with him. And he always left. Never confronted. Just like now.

He did quite the opposite for everyone else this past year though. For his father he faced the Initiative. For his sister he tried to be the way she would handle all this. And after meeting the angara he did everything he could to help them. Showing Jaal that he was one to be trusted. Earning some glimpse of that from the Resistance leader -at least Jaal has said so. Hell, he even managed to confront that Archon and together they defeated him.

And now...here he was. Being haunted by ghosts he thought he already freed himself from years ago.

With a self-loathing smile he welcomed the fresh air filling his lungs being thankful for the fact that he could walk among the angara without being disturbed. He desperately wanted to crawl inside his bed and shut the world out just for a moment. But he had no bed of his own. Even the captain’s room of the Tempest wasn’t really his to begin with. And he had no idea where the Tempest was. Or his teammates. And right now he lived like some stray cat, here and there. Whoever was nice enough to let him stay. At least it felt like that.

As soon as he spotted Sara his mind went blank and the moment she saw him she ignored her talk with Jaal and some angara Scott did not know to hurry over to him. She said nothing, just cupped his face into her warm hands. Sensing with every inch of her being that he was at the brink of crying.

“Hey, who’s my favorite dork?”

That got a laugh out of him. It was not one of his best, but at least it stopped him from trying to hide into the warm embrace Sara was so fond of giving him whenever life was too much. Smiling she tousled through his hair.

“Nah, without all that stuff you put into them it is not as much fun as it used to be to mess up your hair.”

“You’ll manage.”

He shook his head. That was a nice problem she had. He would love to swap if this wouldn’t mean to burden her with his own obstacles in exchange.

-“Pathfinder.”

Scott shivered. Not feeling ready to be addressed formal again. Not after being such a child back in HQ. The approaching angara handed him a pad, not waiting until he reached for it and nearly shoved it right into him.

“You shall keep it, it is a _gift_ from the Resistance.”

The stranger was not fond of his own words and it made Scott wonder. Why would Evfra do this if even his own people, at least half of them, thought Scott was not worth such a thing?

“Why?”

“He did not say. I believe for communicational matters. As it is, I have work to do.”

The screen of the pad was all blank, with one file he knew perfectly well because he had created it in the first place. So it was the pad he already had worked with. Well. One icon was new. He tipped on it and a message turned up. Even though Evfra’s name was clearly visible he could not believe it.

_To: Ryder_

_From: Evfra_

_Pathfinder, meet me at my office at 7pm. Don’t be late again._

He did not mention anything from before and most importantly there were no accusations at all. Evfra seemed to just accept his failure for now. It was nearly unbelievable that someone that always seemed to have a down for humans and Scott in particular was now kind of nice to him. Not using the first chance in wearing him down. And yes, it was nice to summon him into the office instead of discharge him without further explanation.

“You misbehaved and Evfra now wants to give you a chance to explain yourself? He seems to like you.”

Jaal smiled fondly while Scott looked up in utter confusion.

“What do you mean? He _hates_ me. He literally used every conversation we had to make this statement perfectly clear.”

“Well, normally he would just send a message and demand to pull oneself together, but maybe that changed now. The urgency of war is no longer there, there are still urgent matters and still enough fighting, yes, but not as it had been. That invitation surprises me, too. This action clarifies that he does not hate you as much as he seemed to before. I don’t believe he would change his ways for someone he did not thought worthy of the effort..”

“It sounds not at all like him to be the supportive type...”

“Well, it is mostly to ensure your functionality I guess. A subordinate not working properly can be some big obstacle. It is essential to identify those signs and act as one saw fit.”

Sighing Scott nodded, a little bit depressed by now.

“I know...”

Hopefully Evfra will be not the dick he had been earlier this day because Scott was positive that this whole day was not one of his best and thus he would do a terrible job in ignoring the feelings that came with accusations or phrases of disgust the other one seemed to like throwing at him -direct or indirect. Besides he was not fond of the idea of scaring the other male away with his illogical responses.

But if Evfra was not in the mood of cancelling this strange cultural exchange -or however one should call this whole experiment- immediately, chances were high that the angara would endure the rest of their time too.

Probably.

 

 

Pacing restlessly he waited right before the door to Evfra’s office. His men had left the building some time ago and it was after all the supposed time he-

The door shushed open and Scott was immediately confronted with a pair of blue impenetrable observing eyes. But something inside them, something Scott could not name, eased his agitated mind at least to an extend. Enough to not run away immediately.

“Come in.”

Gulping he did enter. Feeling like a schoolboy again, being recited to the headmaster. Aside from the fact that his headmaster had been a rather ugly old man, the situation at hand had undeniable similarities. The only difference was that Scott had never wished for being at good terms with the headmaster or wanted him to understand his motives which was something entirely different with Evfra. Scott wanted to impress. Wished deeply for some straws he could grasp to overcome the distance.

A sigh ripped him out of his thoughts. Evfra stood by his table and Scott had no idea how long he was standing there, watching him silently. He couldn’t help his embarrassed blush. Scratching his neck uncomfortably he tried his best to keep himself cool. Like he always managed as a Pathfinder in the past. But this situation was stressing him endlessly. And with every second he felt more tension building.

“Stars, why are you that tense yet again? This is ridiculous! You did well in the war against the Kett and confronted the Archon, always in control of yourself -how could you be like that now?”

Blinking to fight the tears that wanted to build themselves Scott inhaled sharply. Yes, he was a good soldier. Good at killing. Good at concentrating on what was necessary to rescue lives. But whenever it came to his skills in the common everyday life… Well. He fucked up -big times.

He was hurt enough to insult the angara back, because hell, his words were like daggers! But Evfra was not the first being irritated by him after getting to know him better. He knew by now that he never seemed to be what others expected.

“Well, I _am_ good at what I’m doing in the field. But all this?”

He mimed all around them.

“Doing paperwork? Having way too much free time with no idea on how to spent it, without the kick of danger? Being forced to seemingly endless situations where _actual_ social skills are required and you can’t just weasel yourself out with some good acting on how your father would have dealt with it? Nope. Not my thing...”

He sighed.

“I told the Moshae that it was a bad idea and that my sister would be a way better candidate for this whole ‘getting to know each other-thingy’... I even tried to avoid the launch in the first place and truthfully I was on the verge of just disappear to Kadara if it weren’t for the fact that the Initiative is my only link to mother...”

“Your mother?”

For a second Scott halted, not sure if he should continue. But he couldn't bring himself to shut Evfra out. He wanted him to know him. Really know him. It was a nearly unbearable urge to express himself to that man as much as he would be able to while his stay on Aya.

“Uh, yeah... She has a deadly illness and Sara and I thought her dead. But apparently our father has put her in cryo because he could not stand the thought of losing her. ...Well, maybe we should have known that he would not let her go, after all he had built SAM just to find a cure for her.”

He blinked. And despite of the lack of background information Evfra got to the center of Scott’s statement.

“And you think your mother is not safe there?”

How the hell had he been able to sense that from? Scott gulped, avoiding his eyes. Evfra let out some annoyed groan.

“Don’t look so surprised! You’re the very face of the Initiative for our people and you’re telling me that you thought of _leaving_ and expect me to not get that there is more to this disconcerting story? I am not blind, nor am I stupid.”

“I _know_ you aren’t! Please, don’t get me wrong. It’s just all extremely...messed up.”

He sighed.

“Believe me, the people I’ve worked with, hell, even Tann, are _good_ people -as far as I can tell at least. There are just some...troublesome things SAM and I discovered that we can’t tell anyone for safety issues, we’re the last that know the truth after all. So we’re kind of unsure if we shouldn’t just disappear for a while...”

Scott paced yet again.

“I really should be on the Hyperion, watching over our Mum and finding a cure, instead I am here, supposed to be _so much_ although _I am not_. I really tried to be, but it is exhausting acting all nice and confident while in fact I only seek to...”

He sighed, not ready to face his identity issues. Because saying those things aloud meant making them even more _real_.

Looking out of the big windows and admiring the lights at the waterfall over the way he just allowed the silence to swallow him. Well Even in darkness there was something special about those plants on Aya. Sara would definitely love to study them. 

He noticed that he was still being observed by Evfra. Scott straightened himself and met this stubbornly intense gaze, barely managing to not avert his eyes. But somehow it felt also kind of nice. As if they were somehow gravitating towards one another.

Scott looked outside again, not able to stand this intimate atmosphere he had built.

“Being me really is troublesome at the moment...”

“Maybe some time off would help?”

Scott laughed humorless.

“Well, my estimated vacation will be in 300 days or so. Don’t know. I initially thought it a joke.”

“And it was not.”

A statement, not a question.

“Exactly.”

With a sour look he put his hands in his pockets. Not knowing what to say. Evfra sighed. 

“…I’ll try to factor your personal problems into dealing with you, but I can’t promise anything.”

“You don’t have to be all soft on me, you know? I just can’t stand this silence all the time! It is awful if you aren’t accustomed to the people working there. Or the room. Or the whole damn place.”

-“ _The whole new_ _galaxy,_ to be precise.”

Scott chuckled, locking his eyes again with the one’s of his counterpart. Eyes so very blue. And warm. They almost felt like… _home_. The very thing he made possible for everyone of his people -except for himself. But maybe this was not something irrevocable. Maybe.

“Wow, I’d never thought that it could be _comfortable_ talking to you!”

Oh. Scott gulped. His mouth wasn’t supposed to say that. Evfra blinked surprised, in thought for a moment before he finally answered.

“Hm. Maybe we have more in common then we initially believed.”

It was up to one’s own interpretation if Evfra meant their species in general -or maybe something entirely more private.


	6. Chapter 6

_Under the pressure (Under the pressure)_  
_I'm not okay (I'm not okay)_  
_I live in denial (I live in denial)_  
_I've fought all the rage_

 _I'm living like a landmine_  
_Waiting to explode!_  
_I'm ticking like a time-bomb_  
_Ready to go!_

  
_I'm a danger to myself_  
_And everybody else_  
_I'm living like a landmine_  
_Waiting to explode!_  
_I'm ready to go!_

[Three Days Grace: Landmine]

 

Scott was sitting at the desk, trying desperately not to smile all the time. He was working hard and thought that his progress wasn’t that bad. And, more importantly, he was working nearly as hard and long as Evfra did. Well, Evfra was already immersed in his work every time Scott arrived at 6 in the morning. But Scott knew that the angara definitely did not sleep in the HQ -they both left it together the day before. It had been a few minutes before midnight.

Avela told him that an average Angara needs 6 hours sleep to function properly, a human should at least sleep 7 hours. Scott had maybe 5 hours -and only if he fell asleep right away which was a luxury to begin with. Evfra had maybe 4 hours of sleep with him being all occupied even before Scott arrived at work. That individual was truly a maniac!

Sighing he stretched his numb limbs realizing now that it was getting dark outside. A humming sound came from his right, Evfra was similar to himself feeling numb it seemed. Smiling he continued to look at the display. Just those 7 reports, then he would be at a round lot. Then he read and sorted 200 of those today... More than enough.

It was strange that Scott felt so at ease now. But after their conversation three days ago he felt as if they reached some common ground to work with.

“Excuse me?”

An angaran woman came inside, almost a little shy. Something was telling him that she was already pretty old. But angara were hard to read, especially because they don’t wrinkle. Their skin was just a little less...smooth and shiny?

“I am Amara and came all the way from Havarl to talk to that Pathfinder of yours. Could you spare him for today maybe?”

Evfra looked at Scott for a second before shrugging slightly.

“Well, he was free to go hours ago.”

“Thank you.”

Smiling her attention was immediately back on Scott. He felt a little odd. He needed some time to remember the reason why her name seemed so familiar.

“You’re the sister of that old Sage I’ve met!”

She chuckled.

“Yes, I am. And you’re the alien that helped him finding me. He told me he was encouraged by you.”

“Uh, well.”

He scratched his neck.

“Family is all that matters.”

The glare he got from Evfra sent shivers down his spine.

“That is true indeed, young one. ...Come, I’ll invite you -if you are up to drink with an old lady like me.”

Scott laughed.

“I would love to!”

And so the disaster begun.

 

Scott was impressed by this woman. Amara was not only eloquent, she was a pretty heavy drinker. That old lady could drink the toughest men under-the-counter. Scott had been tipsy after his third drink for sure, but he managed. Then came the fourth. And the fifth. His vision was suffering after that. Then the sixth. And seventh. He walked kinda funny, but reached the toilet without complications. The angaran toilet systems were still kind of strange but he managed. He needed nearly 40 minutes to find back to their table, but well. There had been...many complications. Moving walls and bushes holding him forcefully for example...

On his way down the few stairs back to the tavetaan he was utterly surprised by seeing Jaal standing there with Amara. His heart sank into his boots as he spotted Sara too. She was ordering herself a drink.

“Brother mine!”

Sara smiled widely and left him no other choice than to walk towards her.

“You want one too?”

“Nah, I had enough... How ‘bout some water?”

She giggled.

“Ok, you’re definitely drunk enough! -Whenever he asks for water it’s pretty serious already.”

Jaal gave him an affectionate smile mixed with pity.

“You are both fast in getting drunk.”

“Well, your stuff is not really compatible with us.”

“Nonsense, hey, a refill for me and my friends please!”

Amara’s words were hardly recognizable anymore. She nearly fell from her chair while swinging her empty glass to get the attention of the barkeeper. Jaal eyed her worried.

“What is the meaning in getting oneself that smashed?”

Scott sighed.

“Her brother Sage Amurd died a few days ago… And she promised to honor him in getting herself drunk with me. -Don’t ask me why he wished for something as strange as that, I truly have no idea why he ever wanted to see me drunk. It really isn’t that much of a glorious sight, I fear.”

-“I have to agree.”

They all startled at the appearance of the unexpected voice of their leader, but Scott felt like he had witnessed a heart attack of some sorts.

“What the hell? Evfra, you scared the wits out of me!”

That action made his blood rush through his body within seconds, his ears rang and he felt immediately dizzy and kind of...not well. God, and his stomach felt no good at all…

“Obviously.”, Jaal added amused while Sara made a hesitant step to her brother.

“...Scott? You alright?”

He nodded, not capable of doing anything right now. Just breathing. In. And out. In. And out… Shivering he straightened himself as best as he could, his eyes searching for something he could deflect the attention to.

“Oh, I think the old lady needs help...”

And as if she did it on purpose Amara lost her balance and fell to the ground, groaning painfully. Maybe it was mean but Scott used the distraction to slip out of Sara’s grip. And while both Sara and Jaal were fully occupied in trying to help Amara Scott withdrew silently from the scenario.

He was not sure where he wanted to go nor why he felt the urge to flee, but it did him good. As soon as he was out of sight and tottered aimlessly in the darkness of the poorly lit streets of Aya he inhaled the fresh air with passion, feeling every inch of his body relaxing.

Smiling he went where his feet led him, always looking at the stars above him, so he stumbled every now and then. He was back at HQ before he knew it. It was a side entrance with a big staircase and nice smelling flowers to both sides. Deciding that sitting down seemed like a really good idea he did so and leaned on the building with wide sprawled legs.

It was nice to be able to just sit somewhere in the middle of the night. Feeling nothing. Just numbness. Wonderful!

-“...Pathfinder.”

Scott opened his eyes -they were closed? It was Evfra _yet again_. Strange. Well. However. Scott’s intoxicated mind decided that it was not necessary knowing why the Resistance leader was here. His vision was blurred and his ears swooshed so loud he had a hard time hearing anything at all. Besides he couldn’t care less for the “Why” he was too occupied with his anger at being called “Pathfinder” again while not on duty.

“...You know, I’m not on duty?”

The blueish angara looked at him questionably. What was that statement supposed to mean? Of course the human was not on duty right now, otherwise his condition would have consequences for sure! Scott sighed and averted his eyes.

“Evfra, what do you want from me? I’m pretty sure that you’ve better things to do… How ‘bout sleeping? Because, seriously, you’ve to sleep more. S’ not good working so much all the time.”

“Why do you care?”

Evfra observed the human before him. His curiosity was overwhelming. The human mentioned something like that a few days before, too. And it was...somehow concerning.

Scott blushed, feeling exposed. God, he was so drunk!

“Of course I care!”

He didn’t dare to look even in the direction of the other man, busying himself with counting the leaves of a plant to his right.

“Interesting.”

Scott grimaced, his heart ached hearing that disappointing response.

“If you say so...”

Silence. A minute. Maybe a little bit more. But every second felt so heavy as if it was nearly an eternity passing by. Evfra sighed as he registered that the young male had problems with his balance even _while sitting_.

“...You should not stay here. -Can you stand?”

Scott maybe was a great idiot for telling that man his feelings, but he was no complete fool. He knew he overdid it. He knew he wasn’t able to do anything anymore. And it was even more humiliating now. Because Evfra just said his feelings for him were _interesting_. What the fuck was that even supposed to mean??

Getting angry he tried to lift himself up, supporting himself with clenching on the guardrail. He saw the outstretched arm of the angara but he was far from letting Evfra help him now. Not after his confusing response. His clumsy attempt to stand up on his own made him even more furious. He was so stupid! He and his god damned mouth! For fucks sake why was he so sentimental? Why now, here in Andromeda? And why did his stupid heart decide to like that cold bastard?

Rumbling he forced his eyes shut, leaning heavily on the wall behind him. Inhaling with so much force that his lungs hurt. But the coolness helped him clear his mind. At least a bit.

“...You should accept my help.”

“One should do many things...”

Evfra sighed frustrated. The human was right. He really had no time for this. Why was he even here? He shouldn’t care. _“One should do many things...”_ Ryder's voice echoed in his head.

“Shall I walk you to Jaal’s quarters?”

“No, thanks. I really don’t want to bother them.”

“ _Them_?”

Scott opened one eye lazily. Looking at Evfra like he couldn’t believe he asked that question.

“Well, yeah? My sister and Jaal are...a thing. Don’t know if they know, though. But really, it’s pretty obvious. I’ve some sort of antenna for that kind of things, believe me.”

Blinking irritated Evfra looked at him.

“But where do you sleep if not there? I assumed you would stay with Jaal.”

“Well, you assumed wrong. Avela was so nice to allow me to stay. But I certainly won’t disturb her in the middle of the night. I'm not that wasted. ...At least not now. Can't guarantee anything. Alcohol and me are not such a great team-up... Not at all.”

Evfra overheard that confusing rambling of the human.

“I did not consider this. It was not in my intention to let our guest sleep on Aya's streets. I...apologize.”

Scott shrugged.

“I did not expect some VIP suite to begin with. Not at all, with you clearly not liking me and stuff like that, but I guess my welcome here could’ve been a little bit nicer then to be left to my own devices. But don’t worry, you are not that bad. I had worse.”

Sneezing Scott realized somewhere along him talking _that it was raining_. His clothes were damp as hell. He shivered while his body started sending him all kinds of uncomfortable senses all at once. Even his pants were soaked! Seriously, has it rained the whole evening? And he realized that just now?? Holy shit… That was concerning.

"I'll just choose one of those nice looking bushes over there, maybe the purple one? It looks nice. Don't know though if it will be comfortable, maybe the green one next to it is better to-"

“Stars, st _op babbling!_ ”

With that Evfra grabbed the noisy human and determinedly dragged him through the silent streets of Aya. He certainly had enough of this.


	7. Chapter 7

“ _Stars, st_ _op babbling!_ _”_

_With that Evfra grabbed the noisy human and determinedly dragged him through the silent streets of Aya. He certainly had enough of this._

 

Evfra sighed annoyed. Normally it took him way less time to get to his quarters, but with the alien accompanying him it was torture. Ryder has refused his help to walk more properly which caused that ridiculous delay. If it weren’t for the fact that he was extremely exhausted by now he most certainly would have lost his temper by now.

He waited every few steps for the human to be able to follow him, well, and every time he had to wait for Ryder his eyes shut down for a few seconds, completely without his permission. Stars, he hadn’t been this tired since his childhood!

“Ryder...”

The smaller man still stared at nothing -and that with such a confused look that this behavior confused the angara too.

“What is your problem now?”

He couldn’t help being aggravated by now.

“Uh… It stopped raining? And it’s so dry here, I...”, a hiccup interrupted him, “I don’t understand.”

Evfra sighed. Again.

“Ryder. It does not rain here on Aya. The reason you’re wet like that is that you in your stupid mind thought that laying in Aya’s garden at night is a pretty good idea -which it is not.”

The human just looked more puzzled and blinked in his confusion several times, his head slightly sidewards. Evfra refused to think of that look as something different than stupid.

“...At night the plants get watered with a sprinkler system.”

“Oh...”

Sighing Evfra massaged his temple.

“Now that this is settled, try to focus on following me. And _nothing_ else, do you understand?”

“...’kay.”

Clearly humiliated the alien started to walk again. It was still the all but graceful wobbling, but at least he stopped with standing still every few steps. Evfra registered a change in color in Ryder’s face, mostly his cheeks. And the more he eyeballed the human, the more red it got. Angry? Was the alien angry? Humans do turn red when angry, do they? Or was it green? He should’ve listened more to Jaal the other day…

He was distracted by the fact that his apartment was in sight. Finally! He already had fantasies of his warm, cozy blankets and the comfortable feeling of being exempt from his clothes. His muscles felt so sore and his skin itched almost everywhere, eager to feel fresh air.

Without caring much for his somehow unwanted guest he ushered inside his home and stripped immediately, leaving his clothes where they fell to the ground. Normally he wouldn’t stand that kind of undisciplined behavior, especially from himself. For Jaal this act would’ve been a signal to worry about him, to be in his personal space way longer than permitted. Evfra was no one that loved constant company. He needed his space. He needed this few hours he had in his home. All alone to himself.

A cough reminded him of the living being he had invited voluntary into his secured personal space. The only location he had where he was able to forget his responsibilities. He already regretted that he decided to take the human with him.

He turned around just in time to see the human bending over and falling on all fours, gagging.

“Oh no...”

Evfra could only blink and the alien was already vomiting loudly. Sighing the angara did his best to ignore the smell. The damage was done… He gave the human a bowl to hold onto, while he was searching for some towels to clean the mess.

At least it was over faster than anticipated. Examining the vomit Evfra wondered if Ryder ate enough these past days, because this was almost nothing else then fluids. He knew not much of the aliens, but enough to know that they were a “squishy race that needed much substance and care” as the krogan warrior of Ryder’s team had put it some day at the tavetaan.

Sighing again he registered that Ryder’s eyes were closed. His clothes were now not only wet but also contaminated with his stomach contents.

“Ryder. You need to take those filthy things off...”

He did not react, besides one eye that blinked a second. Nothing else. Evfra supported the human a bit, worried that the drunk would fall into his vomit. Somehow the alien sighed and suddenly the angara felt the whole weight of the human leaning against him. Growling he started to remove the polluted clothes himself, a little bit concerned by the fact that Ryder did nothing to stop him. After all humans were a bit strict with their nakedness as far as he interpreted Jaal’s way too long reports regarding his first experiences with the aliens.

With this knowledge this situation was a bit uncomfortable. But there was no turning back. He could not leave the human to his own demises... Without much effort he lifted the limp body, took a towel and scrubbed the humans chin, throat and mouth, using some good smelling lotions to remove that disgusting smell. Evfra decided to force at least some mouthful of water inside Ryder’s organism. He lost a lot of fluids and the angara strongly suggested that humans too have to contain a good amount of water inside them to function properly.

The moment he put the human down on his sitting place, which was small for angaran standards but just enough for the human (especially because Ryder furled himself to some small ball) he opened his windows, happy for the fresh air.

And then the cleaning begun. He hurried so he’ll be finished with that ungrateful work as fast as possible. Ryder was definitely in his debt! Why was he even doing all this in the first place? Sighing yet again he decided to give his troublesome guest one of his blankets. He had six in his own bed and none for guests. Because no one stayed over night. It was one of the rules he decided to live by after losing everything.

Scrubbing his neck in uneasiness he redirected his attention to the alien before him. The skin texture alone was strange enough. The hair though. That was the strangest part of those humans. What was the reason for hair in so many areas? Not only the head, they had hair _everywhere_. Even their arms were full of them. Just smaller and fewer. He could not stop himself checking the face. Yes. Strangely, they had hair there too. Very, very small ones though. However their breasts and stomach were more filled with hair. A trail was going straight to the underwear and it made him wonder if-

Shuddering he stopped the thought, not able to ignore the small tug in his lower body though. He almost threw the blanket over the alien while bringing as much space between them as he felt necessary. He shook his head in disbelief. He of all angara was most certainly not attracted to those aliens! Especially not Ryder, that arrogant nuisance that got on his nerves almost constantly! No way! He was just too busy working to allow his body some form of release. And that was it.

There was a simple solution, but one look to his watch and he dismissed the thought. It was way too late for that. He needed to sleep.

 

 

Waking up after that had been quite the experience for Evfra. It was really startling to see a foreign figure on your sitting place, sleeping there as if it was not strange at all. Evfra nearly jumped as he heard a quiet snore of the human. Well, at least the alien did not wake up. For a second the angara had wondered if he should wake him, but he decided against it as he watched the peaceful face and the evenly rise of Ryder's chest.

And now he found himself wondering if that had been a good choice, leaving his home unsupervised with an alien that he was not entirely trusting. But then, he trusted no one to begin with. Didn't matter if it was some alien or not, at least not after the betrayal of some of his own people. Looking outside and realizing that it was already dark outside and his men long gone, he put his pad aside and decided to call it a day. After yesterday he felt like he deserved to leave work a little earlier.

With every step an unknown tension rose inside him. He was quite at edge. Would the human still be there?

“Eh, excuse me?”

The twin sister of Ryder stood beside him, looking at him questionably.

“Was my brother not at work?”

“No, he wasn’t.”

“Huh...”

With that sound she blinked, confused.

“Well… I’ll go ask Avela.”

“Aren’t you also equipped with that implant of the AI?”

“Yeah, but SAM won’t tell me where the hell he is.”

She sounded frustrated, but Evfra wouldn’t tell her the whereabouts of Ryder either if the AI didn’t reveal his location. Maybe the human did not want his sister to know and Evfra wouldn't interfere. It was not his place to do so.

She excused herself and he went back to his walk home. He would really like to know why that sister of the Pathfinder was that much fussing over her brother. Well, before Ryder’s stay here on Aya he would’ve never thought that the human would be…the way he was. That insecure and kind of awkward young human was almost not comparable with the picture he had in mind of the Pathfinder. It was almost as if those two were different persons.

Preparing himself as best as he could he went inside his apartment, almost expecting to discover it empty. But the alien had been sleeping almost up until now it seemed, because there he sat, kind of puzzled, looking at him with a terrified look on his face. It was almost endearing to watch Ryder realize that he was naked, he hastily wrapping himself into the blanket in a really comical way that Evfra had to suppress a chuckle. Ryder's behavior sure was funny, at least sometimes.

Evfra did not understand the fuss. Being naked every now and then was something entirely normal within the angara, especially in rooms that were considered private. It was no big deal.

“Uh… _What the hell_?”

Ryder’s voice was scratchy and kind of hoarse. He blinked puzzled and tried desperately to understand the situation at hand. And maybe he remembered something from yesterdays adventure because his eyes went wide. And to Evfra’s confusion the human started to turn red again, just like the evening before. He would love to know what that reaction meant exactly. But he would not ask, that's for sure. So he waited patiently to give Ryder the possibility to sort his confused mind.

“...You...”

He did not finish the sentence. But Evfra believed to know what Ryder wanted to say anyway.

“Yes, I did.”

“A-And I...”

Ryder looked absently to a certain part of the floor. Evfra hummed in agreement.

“Indeed.”

The color in the human’s face got alarmingly intense, reaching also his ears. It was disturbing.

“...You overdid it yesterday.”

Ryder was not able to say anything. Evfra sighed.

“You shall use my bath if you wish to.”

Nodding slightly Ryder got up. He kind of awkwardly hold onto the blanket around his torso like his very life depended on it. Shaking his head in disbelief Evfra leaned on his little table and watched the human disappear behind the only door he had, with his bedroom and small living room being connected. After a few seconds the door opened again and Ryder stood there, looking at him and fidgeting shyly with the blanket. Evfra could feel the tension, the biotic powers of the human were yet again rioting.

“...I need clothes.”

Evfra shrugged.

“Why don’t you ask your sister with the help of your AI?”

“Uh… Do I have to?”

As expected, Ryder was not eager to inform his sister of his whereabouts.

“Well, if you don’t want to I suppose you have to wash your old ones -or go naked.”

He couldn’t help himself to add that. The look on Ryder’s face was priceless.

“N-No, I definitely won’t go naked!”

With that elusively statement he took the bundle clothes and disappeared again behind the door. Evfra shook his head in amusement and wondered at the same moment. When had been the last time he had been able to enjoy himself with such simple banter like that? He couldn't remember.


	8. Chapter 8

Scott sat in some distance to Evfra. A week has passed since the “incident”... He shook his head violently to fight the discomforting feelings he got just by thinking about it again. They did not talk about that evening. He had thanked the angara for his help before leaving though. But it was still...so very awkward. Evfra had been so kind to him, regardless Scott's extremely drunken state, and he puked on his floor!

There could have been so much better reasons to be invited to a home for the first time. But no. He was not granted with those niceties. Instead he embarrassed himself for a lifetime and made sure to never see that building from the inside again. He wondered how the alien could even look at him any more. Did angara puke, too? Or not? Was it something normal, unpleasant but normal, for angara or had Scott effectively driven the man away already?

This was definitely a part of those first encounters of alien species he had no love for. It was awful to be not sure how the other one thought. He knew that many angara found human shapes not really...appealing. But those people that offered that kind of intel had been from the radical side of the angara. Wasn’t Evfra like them? Hating humans? Seeing them as intruders only? ...But he banished the Roekaar. So he couldn't share their believes that much, could he? Well, nevertheless, it doesn’t seem right to him.

Sighing he shoved his pad aside, knowing that he wasn’t able to do any more work today. Stretching he got up and went outside, knowing that Evfra would allow that. The days before he had been working until Evfra himself had enough. But he was not Evfra, he needed fresh air and some walking, feeling his legs again. After so many days just working one’s ass off, sitting on the same spot… Well, let’s just say he had enough. Everything inside him was itching to get some action again. He used his comm to talk to his sister.

“Hey, my favorite big sister, how’re you doing?”

“What’s on your mind, baby brother?”

She giggled halfway through her words, already assuming what he wanted from her.

“I really need your talent as a punching bag.”

She giggled some more.

“Dream on! Tell me a time and place!”

He smiled full of joy, feeling like a little kid.

“How about now? You know where the angara train here on Aya, don’t you?”

“...Yeah, I’ll meet you there.”

Scott shook his head amused. She had no idea at all, but was too proud to say so.

“Very well. See ya.”

She snorted, then the connection was lost. Scott hurried to get into his civil clothes, happy to strip himself out of the Initiative one’s the moment he reached Avela’s home. While doing so he realized that this was the first time he would truly use his civil clothes -since they’ve reached the Andromeda galaxy to be precise...

Avela was not at home of course, probably at the museum, analyzing some cool stuff for sure. He sighed, still feeling like an intruder whenever he had to enter her place without her around. He was a burden to her, he felt it growing with every day he stayed with her. She needed space and had no time to act as a proper host. And that bothered her which in turn bothered him.

Sighing yet again he hurried outside, surprised by a figure he bumped into.

“Uh. Jaal? What’s up?”

The pinkish angara looked at him with a serious glare that sent shivers down his spine.

“I need your advice.”

“Is it about my sister?”

The angara blinked.

“How did you know?”

Jaal was honestly surprised and Scott had his difficulties to hold back his laughter. This was just unbelievable. That adorable alien blinked, looking at Scott’s unusual clothes in confusion.

“Nevermind, I,… you do have time to spare, do you?”

Scott shrugged.

“Yeah, I was about to meet up with Sara, but I guess she needs at least 10 minutes to figure out where to meet with me. Maybe 15, but who knows. It’s Sara we’re talking about.”

“You two want to train together?”

“Yeah.”

"She told me that you trained much together before crossing dark space, it will be good for both of you to stick to your old ways. You know...She misses you. She is good in adapting to...everything, but, well…”

Scott shrugged.

“Of course she’s still not over everything. For her to just wake up some day and being kidnapped and tortured by a strange alien, almost dying there without knowing what’s going on, well, this must trouble her. More than she leads on, probably.”

“I believe so. And that’s why I’m here, actually. Well, no, not entirely, but…”

He sighed, which made Scott smile fondly.

“Jaal, I have no problem with you liking her.”

The angara blinked overwhelmed.

“Thank you.”

“No biggie. If I had any say in this I would’ve suggested that you two were already romantically involved.”

“I...don’t know. It is not easy figuring out. There is yet much to learn.”

“Nah, we’re not that different.”

Both stood before one another, not sure how to proceed, silence creeping in.

“...Uh, well, I should probably go... Wouldn't want Sara to fall from a cliff or stuff like that...”

“Right. ...Have fun.”

“Thanks.”

Scott felt a bit awful for leaving Jaal like that, but it seemed that he himself was unsure if he should act on his feelings and Scott was the last person to discuss that with. At least that was how he felt about it. Jaal should just talk with Sara. But that was just him thinking.

 

 

At the beginning Scott had been really excited to finally train with Sara again. He had found her wandering around, she nearly managed to get to the training ground on her own though. But since they've reached their destination they had to deal with audience. It had been stupid to assume to be able to...well, have privacy? To just amuse oneself without the ongoing pressure for every move being closely watched. Well, so much for that.

Of course they still trained and at least Sara was enjoying herself. But he hadn’t been able to, not really. Why was it so hard to just live? Was it too much to ask for at least a bit remains of a private life? Maybe he was overreacting a bit, but he couldn’t help but to notice the curious and scrutinizing glances.

“Uff, I’m done for the day. We definitely have to do that more often, I’m really out of practice...”

Scott smiled slightly while rubbing his nose. To be true he wasn’t that exhausted. But he was running around and fighting for months by now and that was enough time to get back on track with his body reflexes.

“Sara, I had been weak at the beginning, too. We all have. It’s just a matter of time.”

She shrugged, drinking some water before answering.

“I know. It’s still frustrating but, well, also kinda hilarious. Up until now I’ve always been the one to beat the hell out of you. And right now? I’m no match against you.”

With a grin she bopped him slightly.

“But maybe that is just a sign that my little baby brother has finally grown up, huh?”

Chuckling he returned the favor, nudging her a bit harder than she had, just to annoy her a bit. Laughing she leaned against him.

“Jeez, I missed all this.”

For a moment she closed her eyes and stood next to him, clearly enjoying the moment.

-”You two fought well. It almost looked like a dance. I've never seen any human fight like that. Is it some special method?”

Jaal was there, suddenly standing almost 5 feet next to them. Something about his appearance made Scott believe that the angara was nervous for some reason. Sara's face lit up the moment she saw him.

"Hey, Jaal! Yeah, we were trained in all kinds of martial arts. This one is some mixture of old techniques."

Sara didn’t seem to notice Jaal's uneasiness or at least she ignored it, maybe to help him to relax. Her calm demeanor lead Scott to the conclusion that his sister already knew what was going on between them. That was at least something.

But for some reason Scott was not that interested in watching those two awkward not-yet-lovers interacting. Instead he put his pad out and excused himself. There it was. That icon that would connect him immediately with the grim Resistance leader... To confirm his assumption that it was already pretty late he waited until he got outside, the cold chill made his warmed up body shiver. Well, it was late indeed, Avela was already sleeping for sure, so this would be his second night under the stars of Aya (not that he minded that, not at all) but it was certainly not late enough for that strict workaholic. Not a chance. Maybe it was the adrenaline of his training, but he was eager to just write to the man.

_To: Evfra_

_From: Ryder_

_Evening, just wanted to ask belatedly if it was alright to use the training grounds. I suppose I’ve never asked before. Sorry for that..._

The answer didn’t took long. Not at all.

_To: Ryder_

_From: Evfra_

_Thank you for asking, even if it is belated, I still appreciate the thought. And yes, you may use them as you wish._

Scott paused for a moment, staring at those few words. It was easy to forget that the stoic angara could almost sound nice through his messages. Well, Evfra was a nice man, he was just good at hiding that fact, because that was a luxury he could not afford as the leader of the Resistance. Scott got it now, it took some time, but he managed. He got better at reading him, and that was why he was sure that Evfra was craving for any distraction at the moment. Crucial for this assumption was the fact that he had answered straight away. With this in mind Scott couldn’t help himself, the urge to write back was too strong.

_To: Evfra_

_From: Ryder_

_Thank you, it was good challenging myself again in combat. Always doing paperwork and nothing else doesn’t suffice. Which makes me wonder… How do you maintain your strength? I can imagine that you can’t walk anywhere without having at least someone bother you with something. And if not that, then it must be similar to my experience today: not able to take a break because you're being watched constantly... Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming them for it, but… I dunno, it’s really hard to enjoy myself with having in mind that I am being watched, especially knowing that not all of them are overly happy about my presence. I dare say that you know what I mean well enough._

And before he could change his mind he sent his message, his heart beating loud and erratic in his chest. Deciding to sit down somewhere he chooses the plants to the left side with the silky grass. And with every second that passed he got more anxious.

Maybe his babbling was too much? Maybe he overstepped some unspoken boundary that a human like him wouldn’t understand? Had he made a fool out of himself? God, he should immediately sent an apology and maybe-

The little display in his hands blinked, he got so excited that he almost dropped it. Eager to read the answer, but also with a slight pang of fear he unlocked it.

_To: Ryder_

_From: Evfra_

_Yes, I believe I do... By the way:_

_Behind you._

Scott nearly fell over his own feet after jumping onto them in sheer alarm. That got an amused glare from the blueish angara. It really was Evfra standing there on top of the stairs.

“For heaven's sake!”

Scott felt a bit stupid for getting that jumpy. His brain went completely blank. But those amused twinkles in the other man’s eyes were still there, even after staring so long into them. It made the angara uncomfortable after a while and Scott lost the eye contact for a second. Immediately he missed that rare emotion on the other's face.

“One would expect the Pathfinder to be able to hear someone coming, especially since I did not made any efforts in deluding my arrival.”

“One would expect many things from “The Pathfinder”, though I can’t say it often enough: I’m not really good at meeting up expectations from others.”

 _Or even himself_ , but this addition he kept to himself.

“I already figured that out.”

“Right… Sorry to be more of a nuisance than whatever you’ve expected. -No, don’t tell me, I don’t want to know. Probably healthier that way.”

Scott shrugged to make it seem like it was no big deal. Evfra tried not to show his concern, but he found it hard not to be confused yet again. How could Ryder be that...well, what was it? Insecure? Self-loathing?

“I did not picture you to be anything, after all there had been a war going on. Well, it still does, but it’s easier at the moment, with us finally having the upper hand.”

Scott smiled at that.

“I’m really happy for your people to finally being able to have a bit peace, being able to feel more secured. ...I can’t imagine how it must have been growing up in a war like that, being tricked and attacked by aliens, losing so much... Just to be forced to deal with new aliens all over again. Seriously, I respect you for trying to see us in a different light.”

Scott didn’t clarified if he meant the compliment for the angara as a whole or just Evfra. And to be honest, he didn’t know it himself.

“Well, you know best that our beginning wasn’t...smooth. Not at all. It is...not easy trusting others these days. The talk on Aya itself is very divided, although I suspect that no one may say so to your face. I find these kinds of debates invigorating—we're a complex, emotional people with many different views. I love it!”*

Seeing so much facial expressions from Evfra within just a few sentences was mesmerizing to watch, so it took Scott a moment to adjust. Experiencing an almost passionate Evfra was comparable to the first shot of a drug -at least Scott found nothing else that described it more accurate than this. God, he was so screwed! There was no turning back now, he was already way too much into that man. Gulping he looked aside. This was too much. It was maybe pretty pathetic, but he had that itching guess that if Evfra would continue being that close with him, he would lose his mind for good.

Evfra got aware of their environment again and decided that there were two curious listeners, already enough for his liking. Coughing he straightened himself. That was not him, getting carried away like that!

"Shall I walk you home?"

"Hell, no!"

Scott was immediately terrified, his response was way too harsh and sounded so wrong! He could see that Evfra was shutting him down again and felt desperate to try and stop this from happening.

"God, that's not how it was meant to... I mean, it's not necessary, really... Uh, well..."

He sighed frustrated, not able to think of anything mindful to say to not being forced to reveal to Evfra that he intended to sleep outside today... And even though he really liked camping and sleeping surrounded by nature, he also felt kinda embarrassed to be caught. Because this was no choice like it was with his camping trips as a child. This was out of...well, having no other options. At least none he was willing to.

Evfra's face darkened to some degree, it made Scott all fidgety, fearing for the wrath of the angara, fearing that he insulted the man. Which he probably did. He ruined it...

Well, yes, Evfra was angry. Very much so. But he knew how to interpret the others strange behavior way more accurate than Scott gave him credit for, after all they've been around each other almost every day from morning to noon... And despite his lack of having a social life he knew perfectly well how to read other's. The angara was mad at himself for supposedly forcing a guest of his people to actually sleep on Aya's streets -out of courtesy of all things! Of course the Pathfinder would be too considerate to return to Avela Kjar's home, most certainly disturbing her sleep by doing so.

Stars, how often had it been by now that Ryder stayed with him in the HQ, working just as hard as himself? And how often of those times had the human possibly not returned to his host? Well, it was some unintentional condition, but how could he have guessed that Scott Ryder was such an unobtrusive being, while in the past he'd managed his duties as Pathfinder with an almost brash and immature demeanor.

Sighing he forced his body to lose some of the inner built tension, that poor human before him was already incredibly affected.

"Why didn't you say anything? Do you really think so poorly of me to not grant you some other place to stay for the night?"

Those big blue eyes blinked, even without his bio-electrical abilities Evfra got that Ryder was horrified by his words. It was kinda fascinating watching the humans biotic powers becoming quite erratic. One could tell what he was feeling by monitoring his biotics. Besides the smell of Ryder's distress was something he could identify by now. Humans sure smelled funny and it had been annoying to be exposed by so many foreign smells. After the first contact he'd said to anyone that would've asked him that those aliens stunk like hell, but eventually with them proving themselves over and over again as valuable allies his selective perception changed for the better. ...And with "them" he in fact just meant Ryder.

Ryder had been that extremely persistent in wanting to prove himself to Evfra, to be considered of being worth his trust and that of his people. Ryder earned it. But somehow Evfra got the feeling that the young man was not aware of that fact and he couldn't help but wonder if the roots for this were way deeper than only the uncertainty of their cultural differences.

"...I... I simply don't want to cause any trouble that's all. I honestly didn't mean to insult you, believe me!"

Ryder's voice was heavy with despair, the air reeked of it. Evfra sighed deeply. He blamed his pity for his next words.

"You can stay with me overnight. I won't tolerate you sleeping somewhere on the streets."

Ryder seemed eager to protest, so Evfra lifted a hand dismissive.

"I won't debate this matter any further. Come, follow me. -It is late enough already..."

With a sheepish nod Scott hurried to keep up with the somehow agitated angara. Not quite sure if he appreciated this sudden right to hospitality. But with Evfra's current mood he wouldn't dare to question his decision. And to be honest, he was really excited to enter his private rooms again -but this time without being hopelessly intoxicated.


	9. Chapter 9

It was strange. Sitting in the small living room. At his first visit to Evfra’s home he had been too drunk and after that way too embarrassed to really look around. He’d thought he would never get another chance to revisit. Well, and now here he was. Surrounded by warm colors, the sitting place he got accustomed to the night before was still soft and comfortable. The windows were so big and bright they provided the flat with pleasant light that has waken him gently maybe 10 minutes ago.

There were many bookshelves, mostly about combat techniques, war strategies and to his surprise some history books, at least SAM told him that. Almost in every corner and on top of nearly all of the furniture were plants. Smiling Scott jawed and stretched his arms. He hadn’t slept this good since…, well, let’s just say it was some time ago.

Scott sighed in contentment. He would like to curl back into the cover and just lay there completely lazy without doing anything for at least the rest of the morning, but instead he freed himself from the blanket and got up. After a little stretch of his legs he took his clothes and lumbered to the bathroom, carefully watching the evenly rise and fall of Evfra’s sleeping form at the end of the room. The Resistance leader was lying there kinda cute, halfway on his stomach, his many blankets all in complete disarrangement. Evfra’s back was uncovered and his left leg was hanging out of his bed. It made Scott assume that maybe the angara hadn’t slept that safe and sound as he had.

A reason more not to wake him up. Evfra would never allow himself to rest, Scott would bet all his money on that assumption. Of course chances were high that Evfra won’t like his late awakening, but Scott was content of accepting that if that meant that this obstinate man would get at least some form of rest. And if something important happened he was pretty sure that someone already would’ve kicked the door open to check on Evfra. Sighing he got rid of his shorts and activated the shower. Even those angara that did not like Evfra as their leader had to give him the courtesy of some actual sleep once in a while.

Curious he eyed the different showering bottles standing right at eye level. Sniffing at those right on top he decided that the blue one was smelling best. Hesitating he eyed the bottle. Should he? Should he not? Well, guess if Evfra doesn’t want him to stink, he had to allow him using one of those. At least until Scott knew where he could buy some of his own here on Aya. His shampoo was at the Tempest, he forgot to take it with him. He missed the Tempest. And he missed his father’s room. Whenever he had some minutes to spare he'd visited, just sitting on his couch, going through the books on the shelf, watering the plants...

_/Alec’s belongings are safely locked away, no one’s allowed to get inside./_

“At least that’s something...”

A slight pang of guilt exploded in his chest. God, he missed his father. Who could’ve thought that that would be the case? They had always argued nearly about everything, but mostly because of Alec’s missing presence and Scott’s rebellious adolescence. Alec had left them for the most part of their childhood, always working somewhere far away. Scott has joined the Systems Alliance military out of the silly hope that this would get him somehow closer to his father. And it did. For a while. He’d trained Sara and him some stuff from his N7 background.

But as soon as their mother got sick their lives crumbled to pieces. Alec’s refusal to give up hope finally ended his own career and with it they’d lost theirs, too. At first Scott had been so furious. It took a while to start seeing this as an opportunity to finally being able to explore space. And his father’s sudden ties with the Initiative surely had been very much appreciated.

And now, looking back at everything, Scott wasn’t regretting a single thing that had happened. If all that hadn't happen, he wouldn’t been able to meet all those new people. He grew fond of the angara, almost immediately after touching Aya’s ground for the first time and since then he was deeply in love with them. Their culture, their open and warm-hearted nature in general, their architecture, their history, their physical appearance. Everything. Even their law enforcement, as strangely as it sounded coming from him.

The water was just the right temperature, he really loved their technology, those showers immediately reacted to his biotics, making it very simple for him to find just the perfect temperature. Smiling he stopped the water, drying himself off with a towel he took from the frame next to it. Shaving would’ve to wait, the few belongings he had were still with Avela, but it didn’t need to be done today. He still had a few days before it would be too long. Straightening his hair a bit after getting dressed completely he went outside.

Evfra was awake by now, which was not surprising. He hold a cup of maybe some form of tea in his hands and just shortly noticed Scott’s still slightly dripping hair with a frown. Wet hair surely must be something strange for angara. Hair in general was strange to them to begin with. Somehow Scott was really interested in how the blueish angara would react to a sudden change of hair color. The reaction would probably be kinda hilarious. Not that he would sacrifice his hair for that, but the thought was worth a laugh.

“Did you sleep well?”

Scott swallowed. For some reason the situation at hand felt...uncomfortably intimate. Which was ridiculous.

“Uh, yes. Haven’t slept that well in a while.”

He shrugged, not keen on the possibility of talking more about the cause of that, then smiled a bit - to paper up his insecure mindset and maybe he sincerely was happy of being able to chat with the man like that.

“Uh, what about you?”

“I...slept good myself, thanks. I would’ve appreciate not to slumber away my opportunity to be on time, ...but I suppose it had been necessary.”

He wore a pretty sour face while adding the last sentence, which made Scott shaking his head in disbelieve.

“Even you need some quality time every now and then, Evfra. There’s nothing wrong with that. If at all it surprises me you managed not to faint at some point during your unhealthy daily routine of constant sleep deprivation.”

Scott went to his sleeping place and folded the blanket, before choosing to look at Evfra again. He seemed to be in deep thought. It took a moment before he met Scott’s gaze, wearing some undefinable expression.

“...Do you want to drink something while I’ll take a shower?”

“Uh, yeah, that would be nice…”

There he was again, feeling awkward. Evfra seemed to have already prepared a drink for him, because he just took a last sip of his own before he reached out to shove him a bowl into his hands, already filled with the same liquid.

“Thanks.”

Scott accepted, almost touching Evfra’s fingers while doing so and immediately feeling utterly mortified for being overwhelmed by a sudden desire to touch those...somehow extremely pretty fingers?

Where the fuck did that came from? Inhaling long and deep he simply stared into the bowl, sipping slowly the hot drink. Thankfully Evfra was too occupied with reaching the bathroom, so at least Scott was spared the razor-sharp talent of comprehension the angara possessed.

Shivering he leaned back trying to figure out what was wrong with him, without wanting to know it for real. Which was a strange state of mind to begin with. He knew what this was about to turn into, but he’ll deny it for as long as possible, being absolutely sure of losing his sanity if he starts to act on his growing...whatever those were!

Sighing yet again he examined the room further, realizing that there were no pictures of Evfra’s family. He knew from gossip that Evfra lost them, that he had rescued many and since then reformed the Resistance for the better. Scott couldn’t help being curious. But he wouldn’t dare to ask Evfra about his past just out of the blue. He was happy to be able to communicate in a friendly manner for most of the times, he wouldn’t outbid his luck.

The bathroom door opened and Evfra strode away towards his door, determined on not being distracted any further. He was already fashionably late and wasn’t fond of the talks that surely would start the moment Ryder and he surfaced at the HQ. There would be many false signs for his people to gossip about, starting with their coincident late appearance and ending with the alien smelling just the same as him. Which always was a very obvious statement that normally was used by angaran couples to make their relationship official for their entire community. It was the first step before forming a bond between two souls and with it uniting two families as one.

A shiver ran down his spine. He still had the scent in his nose, not able to get rid of it. It was ridiculous knowing that he used it for all those years in the past without feeling much else than that it smelled acceptable, but now with knowing that Ryder has chosen that bottle of all things....

He got quite the strange stomach reaction to this, not able to force those stupid thoughts from his mind. There was no way that Ryder knew of what he’d set in motion with that kind of thoughtless action. Hopefully this day would be over soon enough…

 

The awesome morning Scott had was soon disrupted by hundreds of completely uncalled stares as if he had something horrible on his face. He checked it though and found nothing beyond ordinary. But those concerning reactions just kept coming. Every last angara that just happened to come inside the HQ seemed to be stunned, and after the shock they all averted their eyes in some embarrassed kind of way he did not get. At all.

And above all Evfra was avoiding him the entire day so far. This whole affair got to a point where he wasn’t able to concentrate on his task at hand. It was obvious that Evfra seemed to know what’s wrong, but Scott did not found the courage to ask him. The silence crept in his bones, he felt his biotics charging, felt that his implants were protesting as always. Maybe it was a bit extremer than before, after all he had initially thought that he was past those extremely distant, kinda harsh situations with Evfra. Well, he had been wrong. Probably misinterpreting pity with sympathy yet again and effectively making a fool of himself.

Did he ever learn from his past? Shuddering he put aside his drink, maybe a bit louder than intended. But he couldn’t find the energy to care. With a frustrated sigh, because Evfra was not even glancing at him in annoyance for this loud intrusion like he normally did, he got up and left the building with slow and steady steps. The surprised faces of the soldiers at the screens like he did something really slanderous they could not understand irritated him further. This whole day was ridiculous!

While outside he damned all those places that were crowded with people at this time of the day, which meant that he hated Aya as a whole right now, there was almost no place you could be alone. Right now Scott felt like he hadn’t enough air to breathe properly. He was evaluating if it was worth the risk to put on his suit and jump from the city to the wild nothingness all around them, but was reminded that his suit wasn’t with him of course. This here was a political stay for diplomatic reasons. Or spying, he wasn’t sure of that one yet.

Deciding to log into his e-mail account for the first time since landing on Aya he immediately groaned. It were just up to 450 messages. Well, he should at least read them.

_Compiled log of Resistance members' messages uploaded at the Angaran Resistance Headquarters. For the Pathfinder's eyes only._

Scott suppressed a sigh. He had read many of those already, but they just kept coming. At the beginning he’d tried to answer all. But eventually the amount of...ill-wishes had been too much. His motivation to go through all those messages from strangers had been reduced to zero. But eventually he had nothing better to do at the moment.

_Subject: Go Home_

_This is not your galaxy. You don't belong here. Anyone who thinks you're different from the kett is a fool. I see you for what you are, and there are many more like me._

There were many of those one’s. Many kinda funny questions, too, but the malice in some of his mails made him sick. After reading about maybe 50 of those he got anxious. There was a pattern there. He was almost sure that he was not paranoid, there really was one individual repeatedly mailing him again and again. And it felt like they got more and more violent. Scott wouldn’t voice his worry to anyone but those threats really got to him. He did so much but it was never enough. Well, of course it wasn’t, he knew that even before. In every society were some that would never be pleased with you. But with being something like a public person he saw that in a different light.

In the past those words had come from people he knew, people he argued with or even fought with. But now those words came from people that were planets away and knew him, without him having the slightest idea who they were. In short: it was much more distressing, even kinda scary. He was just 22 years old for god’s sake! He did not wished to be in command any time soon, he wasn’t entirely bad at it or at least his results weren’t bad, but he despised his position. This was not what he had intended in flying to another Galaxy! He had hoped for freedom, to never again being assigned to the same outpost for what felt like eternity! Well, and here he was. Weeks of being forced to stay somewhere doing the work of a secretary.

It was selfish but he couldn’t help but to wish deep inside that he hadn’t been the one to wake up from cryo. If he had stayed in his chamber sleeping he wouldn’t have to deal with all this shit. He wouldn’t be that sharply watched, his opinion wouldn’t be that fatal. And he certainly wouldn’t have to deal with threats from the native people here for simply existing -even though he helped them defeating the Archon.

Breathing in and out he watched his pad blinking again. His heart thumped inside his chest, half-hoping to receive a mail of the Resistance leader, maybe some form of compensation for his shitty behavior so far. But no.

_Subject: Just leave_

_Stop spoiling our beloved sanctuary! Aya is not permitted for aliens! Leave while you still can and go back from where you come! This is my last warning._

Scott felt a sudden urge to bend over and vomit, but he knew that the sickness he felt was nothing that would result in puking. His stomach ached. Maybe this were just words. Maybe not. How would he know?

_/Scott, maybe you should consult the Governor, describe her your worries. Those mails are proof enough to at least increase your safety./_

“No, won’t do that. This is _my_ problem, I won’t load that on her. She already has to deal with so much because of my stay here and the Embassy in general. Besides I doubt that she would be pleased of my complaints, she definitely gets enough of those from her people...”

_/Surely you can tend to the Moshae, you like her and she seems to be fond of you, despite your decision to rescue the angara and keep the facility intact./_

“Nah, I kind of forced her to the position of Nexus Ambassador, of being the direct tie between the Nexus and Aya, she also has enough to deal with. -And don’t you dare to suggest to turn to Evfra! I’m not ready to deal with him right now, thank you very much...”

_/Shall I at least inform your sister of the threatening?/_

“Keep an eye on her, please, but she shouldn’t be involved any more than necessary, it’s probably enough that she is my sister for her to get into trouble... She worries about that benefactor enough already, she really doesn’t need another possible threat to think about. Sara is still recovering from Meridian.”

_/And so are you, Scott./_

With a snort Scott crossed his arms, but remained silent. He knew that it was true after all. And so did SAM. Sighing he lost the tension in his shoulders as fast as it came. It was frustrating arguing with someone that was in your head of some sorts…

Forcing himself to look again at his mails, after all he was almost through them, he paused in awe.

_To: Ryder_

_From: Akksul_

_It has been many days since our last correspondence. You did not reply the last time, but of course you had no reason to. I don’t even know why I’m writing to you again. I just felt like I should warn you, after all you did rescue the Moshae and your past actions were always with the angaran well-being in mind. I watched you closely from afar and thought much about what had happened._

_I am still ashamed for what I did, how far I had been willing to go. It is still hard, but I am managing to maintain control over my hatred. You were not the one to harm me. On the contrary, you were the one that destroyed the Archon which had been responsible for my suffering._

_I’m sure you are aware of the fact that you still have many enemies within the angara, the remaining Roekaar have been reformed and though I’ve got no information on who is behind all this I know that their goal is no longer the wish of forcing all aliens out of our galaxy in general, but you. You’re their primary target, they probably hope that if they kill you your people will leave for good, I honestly don’t know._

_Their connections are deep within the Resistance, some never openly worked for me and stayed at Aya. I fear that those agents could be very dangerous to you. Be aware of your surroundings and never let your guard down. I’ll contact you if I am able to find out more regarding the identity of those spies._

_Now that this is settled, I have a question that plaques me. A rather personal one:_

_Why did you not shoot me back then?_

Scott inhaled sharply. He would’ve never guessed to hear from Akksul ever again. And he was even more surprised to feel nothing but remorse remembering their last encounter.

_To: Akksul_

_From: Scott_

_Since you’re using your name, I think it is only fair to do the same, even though you may not like to address me with it, I don’t know._

_It’s hard to find the right words for this. There is much on my mind right now but first of all I feel the urge to apologize. Honestly I started replying the moment I got your mail back then, but eventually decided against sending anything, to respect your wish of not wanting to deal with any aliens... But maybe also because I am not that confident and was really uncomfortable dealing with all this._

_Back at our home we had those friction between our species, too, but even then I haven’t been good at dealing with it. But that is a completely different matter and initially I just wanted to make sure to thank you for your warning, it must’ve cost quite the effort for you and I really appreciate it. Even though the almost daily threats I apparently got since the fight for Meridian, I eventually intended to simply ignore them, maybe because I would prefer being attacked than having to deal with trying to fit into, well, everything, while knowing that this is something doomed to fail._

_I can tell you, feeling alien to everything, the people, the native language and customs, the architecture, hell, even the plants, is crap. There are days where I wish to return home to the Milky Way, just as your people want us to anyway. But I am one of the very few still living to know that this is most certainly not possible._

_The real reason why we were send here is no simple seek for adventure and new beginnings… Our galaxy was attacked. And all those that knew of the true purpose behind our Initiative were killed while coming here. SAM and I found out about it a while ago, but I never spoke about it, I couldn’t bear to even think about all those that I left, friends, distant family, classmates, camerades, neighbors, the station I’ve been born…_

_Well, but I felt like you of all people have a right to know of the circumstances. Maybe it helps you in accepting that my people can’t go back, even if they would wish to. And the time will come in which I’ll have to tell my people that all they’ve known most certainly is lost. And not enough, that those responsible may be powerful enough to be able to find us out here._

_Maybe your former Roekaar will have the opportunity to kill me before that happens. Sometimes I find myself thinking that I honestly wouldn’t mind to escape all that. I never wanted to be a leader. Never wanted to be the cause for your people to divide themselves._

_Well, maybe we should’ve never reached your galaxy._

Sighing Scott got up. It was about to get dark again and he didn’t wish to see Evfra any time soon. Not after his whole day of ignorance. It had hurt. A lot. Always kept in the dark about everything. If he did something bad or stupid or whatever it wasn’t much to be allowed to know what it was he did wrong. It was already hard enough living entirely at the mercy of everyone here on Aya.

He was hurt and angry. Not the best mood to write to the cause of all that. But he did so nevertheless.

_To: One hell of an asshole_

_From: Having enough of your shit_

_First of all I’m saying that I couldn’t stand being near you a second longer, so I left out of shedule. I’m sick of your shit, sick of being ignored, being kept in the dark for the most parts and being treated like a fucking enemy, only allowed to do the work of a secretary, sorting documents from morning to night and that’s it._

_At first I just wanted to help, and regarding your past with the kett I understood your caution. But after weeks of no progress and still being treated like_

Scott paused. Well. “Like an alien”? “Like an outsider”? He was an outsider. He was an alien….

_Never mind. I don’t know what to think right now. I just know that I can’t go on like that. I feel close to the angara, I really like Aya, the Moshae and surprisingly I really began to like you, despite everything. Hell, I even like working with you for the most part, but I detest all that mistrust. I did nothing but trying to proof myself for this past months, I mostly did nothing else than that, and I’m sick of it._

_If you can’t change your ways, at least even bend them a bit, I won’t beg any longer for those crumbles of trust!_

 

Evfra blinked surprised reading the headline of his message. Not sure what he should think about it. Sure, at first he felt angry but after the first few sentences in which the hopelessness of the young alien got through he couldn’t find the energy to hold onto that anger. Sighing he massaged his temple, putting his work on the table.

Ryder surely was one hell of a responsibility…


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the Kudos so far, and of course for the comments! :)

 Evfra growled lowly. That damned Pathfinder was still not answering any calls! He wouldn’t mind that in general, if it weren’t for the fact that the almost as noisy twin was standing right before him, demanding him to drag her brother out of thin air.

“You think I’ll believe that Scott just disappeared without any reason to?”

Up until now Evfra had thought that the twins were pretty different, Sara Ryder hadn’t been that difficult to deal with, but now he knew that the only reason he’d been able to believe that was because he hadn’t dealt with her that much.

“Well, I believe he would answer his calls if he would be in a mood to actually want company… He’ll eventually calm down. Sometimes patience is a key element for success.”

“And sometimes sitting on the same spot and waiting for something to happen makes everything worse!”

She was just as bold as her brother, if not a bit more feisty… Evfra inhaled deeply. He had to make a call to Havaarl, there was no time for bickering with _the other_ Ryder, too.

“I understand your concern, but I won’t interfere there. I do not have time for that nor the nerves. So for now, let me do my job. Interrogate that AI of yours, if you’re so eager to find your dear sibling before he’s ready to reveal himself again...”

And with that he devoted himself once again to his comm, listening to the reports of his men with care. The female Ryder left the building with eager steps, which caused him to sigh in relief. She really was some intimidating being for sure, kind of reminding him of the Moshae in her younger days for some reason beyond his understanding.

 

It took his favorite nuisance of an alien until the next morning to finally show himself again. Evfra was not pleased with the knowledge that Ryder most certainly had been without a proper quarter, but he was not his babysitter, if Ryder pleased to stay out in the cold, he would not run after him. And to be true he was a little bit hurt that the human seemed to prefer sleeping out in the open than as his guest…

To his surprise Ryder handed him his pad over wordlessly. With a frown he eyed the human, not quite sure what this was about. Had he yet again to bear further insults? Well, it didn’t seem so. Ryder looked nervous. And this made the angara curious. But the human wasn’t explaining himself, supposedly at a loss of words.

Blinking Evfra examined the human’s facial expressions, hoping to read anything further, but he gave up pretty fast. He wasn’t really good at reading those aliens. What he did notice though were the dark circles under Ryder’s eyes. Something was odd.

“….I did what was asked. Waiting for further instructions.”

Ryder saluted in that strange human way. So this was what all that was about. Ryder must’ve used the entire night to work through the rest of the reports! To be sure he looked over the pad. He really did it. He sorted them all, even chronologically… Evfra noticed his people watching them. They all were interested in his reaction. And some may not like what he felt was necessary.

“You...did well. I may be willing to allow you to join official resistance operations from now on. I’ll discuss that possibility further with the Moshae. You may leave until further notice.”

And with this Evfra took the pad, typing his access code for his little apartment in and shoved it into Ryder’s hands again. After a second of hesitating he chooses to clap Ryder’s upper arm in acknowledgment. It felt a bit awkward, but he knew that it was important for the alien to be motivated properly for his efforts. Especially because he was that extremely stressed out.

“Uh… Y-Yeah, thanks…”

With some undefinable facial expression Ryder left. At least not getting it the wrong way again. That human surely was sometimes a hot-headed mess, but at least he had enough sense to know that he wouldn’t be much of a help in his sleep-deprived state of mind.

Suppressing a smile Evfra continued to work, but eventually decided to grant himself the luxury of leaving a little bit earlier than normally. He got weird looks from some of his men and managed to ignore them, he wasn’t keen on ruining his own good mood. It was a rare state of mind for him to begin with, so he had to treasure those moments. Besides he got enough complaints about his decision to work with the Nexus already and about him working with the Pathfinder, letting the alien inside the HQ for hours, and on top of that, allowing him access to sensible data. But even they couldn’t deny the mountain of proof Ryder obtained by now of being trustworthy.

And maybe Evfra really did a bit poorly in showing the alien that he really was supportive of working with the Initiative, of working with him. He felt that way for sure since Sohkaa Esof’s report of Ryder’s test. He did not only passed, he mastered it with undeniably finesse.

Well, it had been more tests than this one of course, many of which Evfra was entirely sure that Ryder still knew nothing about. He had him under close watch for quite some time. Being more and more fascinated with the alien. And the moment he chose to accept Ryder as equal, at least for the time being, he defended the human. It costed him many arguments, one time even with Paaran, and a decrease in his popularity in general. Well, it was true, winning his trust was some hard path for sure, but the moment he did so, he was a 100% behind that decision.

Ryder probably didn't understood what Evfra had done up to now to make the alliance possible. To let Ryder continue visiting Aya without a proper formal request, which normally took a couple of days sometimes to be considered. One could not visit Aya that casually... But Evfra had understood the necessary of Ryder being able to come and go as he saw fit. 

He supported Ryder, especially since he really managed to reach Meridian and defeat the Archon. Evfra hadn't been exactly subtle about his sympathy, at least for his people. Many of them got the notion that he was too supportive too fast, but the aliens didn’t seem to feel the same way -or feel that he was supporting them at all.

Especially Ryder. He was the important alien. That other one in charge, this “Tann” and his little council of leadership were a nuisance, committed to their people's own needs to the core, which was something respectable but at the same time fatiguing in negotiations. So, it really was all about Ryder. Evfra had to somehow convince the man that he was supportive of their alliance, of Ryder himself. The human needed a basement of trust to be able to work confident with the Resistance in the near future.

Maybe some sort of...reaching out was necessary regarding Ryder? Knowing that he would regret his decision eventually he opened the icon before he could change his mind again.

_To: Ryder_

_From: Evfra_

_Evening, Ryder. I thought you may be interested in discussing your further role in the Resistance -maybe during dinner?_

He got an answer within less than a minute.

_To: Evfra_

_From: Scott_

_Okay._

That was it. The alien wasn’t normally that tight-lipped, not at all, but the change of the sender from “Ryder” to “Scott” may be taken as a sign to hope for a better communication again. Somehow the formal attitude of Ryder from before troubled him more than he’d anticipated. It doesn’t feel right. Not after he’d seen so much of the aliens wide spectrum of characteristics. It just doesn’t add up.

_From: Evfra_

_To: Scott_

_I know a place where we can eat without being disturbed. Whenever you’re ready._

Does that sound odd in some way? In his mind it had been a perfectly normal sentence. After all he ate there often enough with Paaran to discuss work issues. Well, it had been sent regardless. Deciding to inform Roaan at the tavetaan of his out of schedule evening meeting, he called him via comm. Roaan reacted a bit strange, but well, Evfra never had spontaneous meetings like that. Being watched strangely had been a normal occasion the entire past day, it had been easy to ignore Roaan's inquiring gaze, it almost didn’t bother him. At least at the moment.

Checking the time Evfra frowned. Ryder’s replies didn’t took that long before, did they?

_To: Evfra_

_From: Scott_

_Behind you._

Evfra turned around, surprised to find the Pathfinder being almost next to him. Ryder wore just a tiny smile, in pleasure of being able to startle him for sure, but this little expression eased Evfra’s mind more than the action (and him not noticing) angered him. He really had been pretty uncomfortable not knowing what the other one was thinking. Of course he still did not know for sure, but now he was pretty certain that not everything was lost yet.

It was hard for him to acknowledge that it was almost no longer possible for him to ignore that he was drawn to that alien in some way or another. The more he got to know of him the more he felt drawn closer -like some nasty gravitation field... Coughing he straightened himself, realizing that he stared at the human for far longer than comfortable.

“Well, follow me then.”

Nodding slightly Ryder got to his left side walking next to him with little more than 3 feet distance. He radiated a slight note of his biotic powers, he did so at any time though, so Evfra was not sure why he realized it’s resemblance with their own bio-electrical fields only now. Processing that similarity while at the same time noticing the slightly different...structure of it, the unfamiliar yet quite fascinating taste it had… It felt like too much and at the same time it was quite the opposite and he wished to investigate all this even further. Pointing out the differences for himself. -Stars! Shuddering he watched the skies for a moment, concentrated on his breathing.

Something was odd with himself today. It had started the moment Ryder had impressed him yet again with being proactive and finishing the reports, despite his harsh mail from before which had left Evfra thinking that Ryder may finally be quitting their...apprenticeship for good. They had enough misunderstandings and arguments by now that he’d been pretty sure that it was enough now for the human. But it seemed that Ryder’s anger had been mostly directed against the situation as a whole and not really at Evfra as a person. Well, at least not entirely...

He should be angry because of this mess, maybe, but he wasn’t. He could be kind of hot-headed, too, he knew that just too well. And sometimes his mouth got the better of him, throwing words at others that cut deeper than intended. And if he would apologize every time that happened…Ugh. He would have much work to do indeed. He couldn’t expect Ryder to take his words back either, not with him having his own share of ignorance in curing the damage of his own emotional outbreaks.

He eyed Ryder from the side. The human still looked exhausted for some reason. But he wore different clothes than earlier this day and he’d showered again, unmistakably with the same bottle… Well, at least that meant that he’d accepted his invitation to go back to his home and take a rest. The offer to visit his home had not been declined again, which meant way more to Evfra than he would ever admit out loud.

Managing his private life was something he’d doomed to be a lost cause a long time ago. He’d isolated himself for so long, always had to fight against the subtle bio-electrical nudges from his people… Until no one dared to approach him anymore in that kind of fashion, it hadn’t been until that moment that he truly felt...alone. Being connected through their bio-electrical abilities was something natural for them, as naturally as breathing. Though even though it had been his goal all along to isolate himself, to be truly successful with it, knowing for sure that no one tried to reach out any more… It had hurt.

He’d lived like that for may years by now and accepted this abnormal lifestyle, even gained strength from it. He’d started to be kind of proud of his reputation to be entirely unsociable, maybe even strengthen this willingly. And it kept everyone at bay. Well. Except for the alien right next to him. For the past year that particular specimen had tried to gain his approval by any means, always getting way too personal, trying to get through to him.

At first he’d found that annoying, even outrageous. After all this time the first to be persistent again in their wish to get closer to him had to be an alien of all things! He’d thought that this had been just a way of trying to manipulate him to allow the aliens access to his people, to it’s vault so they could oppress the angara. But again and again Ryder had proven that that wasn’t the case. The human had tried so much, he’d almost burned himself out or so it seemed. And the mistrust certainly hadn’t been easy to withstand… Huh, it was the first time he was able to wrap his head around this all. When had been the last time he had enough time to contemplate about other topics than strategies to keep his people alive?

They’ve reached the small balcony by now, almost entirely hidden behind Aya’s flora and only accessible through a well hidden path. It was near the big waterfall Paaran loved so much, which made it easy for them to argue to their hearts contents without having to fear one of their people overhearing.

“I hope it was alright to ask Roaan for some nutrition fitting that of your species.”

“Of course.”

It got silent yet again, in which Scott eyed the food with amusement. It were mostly fruits. There really was much to learn from one another. But well, he wouldn’t complain, being invited for dinner was way more than he would’ve ever thought Evfra would care to do. Scott was not entirely sure but somehow he felt like the stoic angara was way out of his comfort zone. But he tried and that was somehow pretty endearing. Even though Scott had no idea what caused this...niceties.

“Uh, I believe it’s kind of a challenge for you all to provide for the Embassy?”

“Is the food not to your satisfaction?”

Scott almost groaned out of frustration, but managed to keep that urge inside.

“No! God, no, that’s not what I meant! I just...”, he sighed, “I just happened to notice that we have quite the different nourishment, which is silly of course, because I knew that for quite some time, but somehow it came to my mind right now. Don’t know.”

The Resistance leader was relaxing again which relieved Scott to no end.

“Well, angara are way more practical than your species.”

Scott sighed.

“It definitely makes you more efficient than us. At least us humans. Turians or krogans can keep up with you quite well I guess. Some of the others maybe too. Who knows.”

“Others?”

“Yeah, there are some more. Hanar, drell, elcor, batarian… Ah, and the quarian for example are almost as hard to keep alive as us.”

Evfra looked...shocked. And not in the nice kind of way. But from his perspective, or angara in general, it must sound unbelievable for a galaxy to house so many different species. It must feel kind of overtaxing.

“….Just how many species are there back at the...Milky way?”

He kind of pronounced it funny, which caused goosebumps all over Scott’s skin. But the reminder of their home galaxy was kind of a mood killer.

“Uh, well… Too much, that’s for sure. But somehow we all managed to not kill each other, at least after some couple of wars and, uh, unpleasant difficulties while negotiating everything. It’s still sometimes really hard to maintain peace, as you very well know with the krogan that had left the Nexus and all that…”

He sighed.

“Sadly it is never easy to find common ground between species that are completely different from one another. And I guess it’s just the same here, with us.”

Scott mimed between them with a sheepish smile. Grunting Evfra sat down and gave Scott some form of nonverbal request to do the same. It was a good start for their conversation.

 

Evfra was still shaken from the information of just how many more species there were at the home galaxy of their new...neighbors. It was hard to accept and even harder to picture. A galaxy full of alien beings. No wonder Ryder managed his landing on Aya so well back then. Seeing other species wasn’t something new to him in general.

Blinking Evfra watched the human finishing his drink. It still looked funny for him how much thin and kinda tiny fingers humans had. But he had to acknowledge that they looked like they were pretty handy and probably a bit more flexible than theirs.

“Uh, Evfra, about that Resistance stuff...”

The angara frowned. “Resistance stuff”… Suppressing a sigh he straightened his back a bit, leaning more against the chair. There were regular situations in which it got pretty obvious to him how young and inexperienced Ryder was.

“Yes. We should probably talk about your further work.”

Ryder nodded and leaned his arms on the table.

“I’m all ears.”

A strange sentence, but it wasn’t hard to figure out what it probably meant.

“I am inclined to maybe send you with one of my strike teams to Eladaan. One of our teams went missing there and you’d be tasked with finding out what happened to them. Your priority is to retrieve sensitive data they’d gained there.”

“Uh… What exactly would I be looking for?”

“You’ll be getting further information while flying there. And just to be clear, this is a team mission. You’re supposed to work as one. No single minded decisions or solo attempts. I won’t tolerate disobedience regarding that matter.”

Sighing Scott averted his eyes for a moment.

“….I’ll try to stick to that.”

Blinking the human suddenly smiled mischievously.

“Wait. You said ‘regarding that matter’... -Does that mean that you tolerate my otherwise kind of disobedient nature in general?”

“I do not tolerate it,...” Evfra growled. “But it would be fruitless to ask something of you what you’re simply not capable of. As a leader I have to work with the strengths and weaknesses of my subordinates.”

Smiling slightly the human stretched his arms a bit, hidings his yawn behind one of his delicate hands.

“You’ve got a point there. But sometimes it is really hard to figure those things out. I mean, clearly not for you, but…Well, I had my difficulties getting there with my crew.”

“It is never easy, Ryder. And not always are the efforts granted with good results -or any results at all. The more subordinates you have the messier it gets. And with our fight with the Kett a failure in judgment costs lives.”

“And sometimes you’ve only got a chance of choosing who’ll die... I know. But I hate those decisions. They always are connected to many sleepless nights. Who am I to decide who’s worth to live? Ugh… I really despise that part of the job! Seriously if I had any say in this, I wouldn’t continue being Pathfinder.”

Scott saw that this confession troubled the angara for some reason.

“ _Why_?”

That was everything Evfra said, but somehow it contained so much depth, his voice thick with...something. Scott couldn’t decipher it. Fidgeting with a thread of his pullover he couldn’t meet his eyes.

“I... I never wanted to be in leadership. I’m not the type for that. Clearly.”

He shrugged while Evfra’s frown grew.

“But the Archon is dead, you could retire now if you truly desire so. I don’t understand… Why are you even here?”

The question hit a nerve. It hurt. Implying that he was here on behalf of his position as Pathfinder. He probably wouldn’t be granted access otherwise with the Vesaal and all this. And the angara wouldn’t gain something from him just being Scott Ryder…

Evfra continued.

“That AI of yours… This SAM, he can just bond with another candidate, can’t he? You would be free of your responsibilities…doing whatever you please.”

The last one had some disapproving undertone in it, but there was no chance of replying. SAM intervened.

_/This action would result in Scott’s immediate demise. As his father Alec had decided to die in order for his son to live, Scott’s body system already had been too damaged. Without me his heart would stop beating eventually./_

There was a sharp inhale and an expression Scott wasn’t going to interpret anything into, he wasn’t ready to feed false hopes. Besides whenever that topic came up he kind of wished to simply disappear. He didn’t want to talk about that. About him being kept alive by SAM.

“Is...Is it true?”

The voice was deeply distraught, going straight through Scott's well built defense mechanisms. He couldn't decline to talk. He just...couldn't.

“...Uh, yeah, guess so. I’m a dead man walking. -Like, literally.”

That information took a while to process. It got uncomfortable for Scott, well, even more than before. And his way of coping had always been to shove it aside or use some good old humor to paper the cuts.

“How...”

The proud Resistance leader hesitated. For the first time since Scott knew Evfra he seemed...uncertain.

“Apologize, it is no proper behavior to ask that bluntly about...such things.”

Evfra was backpedaling. And if it weren’t for the fact that Scott had already chatted with Jaal for some time he would’ve never guessed why the angara reacted so...strange. But within their culture talking about illness and death was something considered inappropriate.

“No harm taken. I may be a socially awkward kind of person, but in general our people talk really open about everything.”

“Angara do not.”

“I know. But… I don’t mind telling you. Uh, I mean, if you really are interested?”

The silent yet somehow interested, even inquiring glimpse in Evfra's eyes was answer enough. The leader probably wasn’t keen in admitting out loud that he was interested in being told more. It really must be something big with the angara. It was a strange trait, if you consider the emotional open-minded culture they lived in.

“Well, I suppose you’ll be disappointed though. It’s a silly death, really. I mean, it figures for good old me, but, yeah, uh,... just had to say that beforehand.”

Scott kept himself occupied in watching the leaves of a plant smoothly dance in the wind. Desperate in not making a fool out of himself and babbling too much nonsense.

“….I just...kinda fell unfavorable while exploring Eos. Hit my head and damaged my helm in the process. The toxic air contaminated my system withing seconds… And my old man had to make a decision back there. End of story.”

Scott sighed deep.

“He would’ve been _way_ better suited for...everything that had happened, but well, can’t change the past, so I’ve just decided to do the best I can. Rescuing my people and try to fend for them like my father sure as hell would have done.”

Evfra wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He never had that kind of conversation with anyone. He was way out of his well known communicative abilities, but eventually decided that he had to say something eventually and if only so he'd be able to meet the honesty of Ryder.

“...Your father must’ve been a remarkable man.”

There were plenty of responses that would’ve been way more suited for matching the openness that Ryder gifted him with. But Evfra wasn’t capable of forming those words out loud. Because some of them were directly connected with old memories of his family’s abduction. Words he had been left to deal with. They hurt too much and the grieve was still very real.

“...Yeah. He had been..."

Both were silent after that. Not sure what so say anymore. But sometimes words were not everything. Ryder smiled at him, it had a weary touch. The human really appeared to be extremely fatigued.

"I'd love to chat more, but...I honestly am way too tired."

Ryder wore the regret clear as day on his face, one did not need to have special knowledge about aliens there. The raw openness of Ryder got straight under his skin. A strange reaction indeed.

"It would be best to go then."

He mimed Ryder to go first, allowing him the courtesy of dissolving their meeting. The human probably did not notice that extremely polite manner though, he got up yawned yet again and stretched his arms, massaging somewhere between his shoulder and neck. Ryder kind of lumbered back to Evfra's apartment, it was funny and yet...adorable to watch from some distance. But the funniest thing was the human's immediate reaction to Evfra opening the door as they finally reached their goal. He simply went to his small furniture, somehow managed to fight his feet out of their shoes and let himself fall flat and head first onto it, almost immediately gaining an even and deep breathing.

Chuckling, Evfra really couldn't help it slipping through, he tossed the blanket over the human before retiring also into his bed. Realizing that he hold onto the smile and was still watching the small sleeping figure he forced himself to shut his eyes and rolled over to the side with the back to the human. He needed to sleep too.


	11. Chapter 11

Scott was nervous to say the least. His first real mission. It was ridiculous, but he was really scared of doing something stupid and ruin everything. Despite working together with the Resistance for so many times by now. And so far the mission sounded easy enough. Fly to Eladaan, find out what happened to the other strike team and get the data back the others had secured.

Sighing he stretched his legs, being watched by four angara he barely knew. That greenish one though… Scott blinked surprised as he got a small kind of appreciative smile of that one. Oh, he knew him!

“Sohkaa Esof, right?”

“Right...”

Scott scratched his neck nervously.

“Uh, sorry, took me a while to figure out that I know you, I guess. It’s...hard to differ between you all sometimes, but I am managing better every day.”

One of the other angara scoffed. He was a bright blueish one with freckles of white everywhere. Especially around his nose plate and second eyebrows-kind-of-thingies. Sohkaa averted his eyes for a moment before answering.

“It’s alright, Ryder. It would be ignorant to expect you to get everything from the start. It takes time, but eventually we’ll manage.”

The bright blueish angara crossed his arms in fast, abrupt movements.

“You aliens will always look the same to me!”

Scott held every respond in that wanted to escape his mouth. He promised Evfra to work with the team, not against it. Of course it would’ve been nice to actually have people there that were equally interested in reaching this goal… But there was no telling if this was on purpose to test him yet again or if it was some bad coincident that he got paired up with people that seemed to hate aliens. Well, except for Sohkaa.

“Ryder is an honest and reliable man, Saraal.”

“Just because he sucked up to Evfra doesn’t mean that I have to like his decision.”

Sighing Scott closed his eyes for a moment. That was one hell of a start to do a mission together. His excitement to actively participate an angaran strike team was long gone.

“Well, how about we just focus on the mission and after that you’re free to never see my face again?”

Saraal scoffed again, but nodded nevertheless.

“Sounds good enough to me.”

Growling one of the kind of purplish angara went to the small window, looking outside with some angry face. Scott tried his best to fight his growing wish to just disappear. Leaving this shitty situation and just enjoy the fact that he was about to have some action again. But the flight had only just started. Angaran ships weren’t as fast as the Tempest was. There were many couple of hours to pass until they’ve reached their goal…

 

The moment the ship landed Scott almost sprinted outside, happy to feel the ground again under his feet and the air around him, the sun warming up his face. Smiling he allowed himself to relax a bit again, his shoulders were already pretty tense.

“Let’s go.”

Saraal was, as it turned out, the leader of this mission. He immediately led them to the last navpoint of the others in a fast walk. It was a harsh one and Scott was reminded why he didn’t like Eladaan that much. It was hot. Like the uncomfortable burning kind of…

And back at Aya he hadn’t exactly trained that much to stay fit. He’d slacked off a bit. And now he immediately payed the price for that. He had a hard time keeping up. It was not that he was at the end of his strength, his stamina wasn’t gone completely after some couple of weeks of rest. But yeah, it was still kind of embarrassing.

A hand movement of Saraal and everyone suddenly vanished for a short time, popping up behind cover. Except for Scott. He had his shields to keep the first bullets of their attackers from hurting him and he used his biotic easily enough to find some cover for himself, but still. He felt kind of betrayed right now. This was kind of bullying. He shouldn’t have expected any less. But… He had. And it was...not easy shoving it aside as if it was nothing.

The ground was shaking and Scott knew way too well what that roar in combination with that could only mean. Of course the Kett weren’t enough.

“Heads up! A fiend!”

“Stars, there are three of them!”

Scott almost smiled at that. He’d hated to fight those things, but eventually now he was kind of glad he did fought them so often. With a reckless approach he jumped the distance easily enough to just hit that beast head first, knocking it down for a moment there. Just enough for him to throw himself with a big biotic wave right next to it to the ground, forcing it to die immediately. The next one already approached him but he jumped yet again. Well, one of his big advantages was his agility after all. He angered both the beasts enough that they tried to follow him, leaving the others alone so they weren’t forced to leave their cover and could deal with the rest of the Kett.

The moment he decided that he was far enough he used his omni tool to slice one of it’s front legs. Of course they were like berserker, only getting stronger and more violent if being hurt. So it didn’t surprise him that he got hit by it even though he jumped to the side. Not that it did much to him though, his evasive maneuver had been enough. But now his shields were down.

Lucky him for being able to use biotics. He was recharging pretty fast and the electrical discharge was...kind of special regarding him. Smiling he jumped away one more time, feeling that he shouldn’t hold it in any longer than necessary. With one last jump he got above one of the fiends, the female and thus bigger one, and just slammed her with his plain hand, choosing that moment to allow his biotic powers to unload. She dissolved immediately. Leaving nothing behind.

Well, but the last fiend. It attacked Scott immediately, while he hurt it with his biotics fair enough, but then a shot ringed through the air, just mere centimeters before his own face the bullet hit it’s target, killing the fiend. And almost him, too. If he had not stopped his attack halfway through hearing that sniper shot… He would’ve get hit.

Scott took a moment to breathe properly before returning back to the angara. They were already searching the area for clues.

_/That shot came from the leader, Saraal. His intentions are unclear. But most likely not peaceful./_

Scott rolled his eyes.

“Oh really? And here I thought we would knit friendship bracelets some day...”

Saraal stood there, awaiting his arrival with a disapproving face.

“A soldier does not leave his team to go it alone. You had orders!”

Scott was the one crossing his arms now.

“Oh really? I don’t think you discussed them with me. So don’t expect me to know what’s on your mind. Besides, if I hadn’t lured those things away they would’ve destroyed your formation or whatever it was anyway!”

“You don’t know that.”

“No. But I wasn’t keen on finding out...”

Sighing he tried to keep his anger at bay.

“Look. I saw an opportunity and I took it. And don’t tell me it was not for the benefit of all of you! I know you’re in charge and I really don’t want to challenge that, but you can’t expect me to just sit there and do nothing.”

“I expect you to do as I told you to!”

“Then for fucks sake, _talk_ with me properly!”

“I did.”

“All you did the entire way was insulting me for being alien and ignoring me, nothing in between! There were no commands, no explanations how things will work. Nothing! How can you lecture me about not doing my job properly if it was _your_ lack of ability as a leader to push your xenophobic kind of nature aside in favor for the mission’s succeed?!”

The others were watching them of course, but no one raised their voice. Of course. Even Sohkaa stood silent and just watched. Like so many times before Scott was alone. God, what would he give for Jaal as a company right now…

“You know it’s true, I don’t need you to stand up for your mistakes. I don’t need an apology, I certainly don’t want one anyway, but I demand that you finally start acting like my leader.”

Those were hard words. But they were true.

“I am only here because Evfra send me. And I respect him. Because he respects me and my accomplishments so far. And believe me that is the only reason I am not leaving you right now for almost shooting me back there.”

Saraal laughed coldly.

“Respect? Tse, you don’t even know _what_ data we are to secure… Your sentiment for Evfra would be almost adorable if you weren’t that pathetic.”

Blinking surprised Scott could do nothing but stare at the angara for those cruel words. Even while being furious Scott was sure that he maintained some form of formal way even while accusing him. But Saraal immediately responded with cold, well calculated words that ensured to hit him where it hurt. They had neither been practical nor helpful to enlighten what his problem with Scott really was.

“There are angaran footprints over here!”

And just like that it was over. They all concentrated grimly on the task at hand. Scott tried to do so, too. He followed them but remained some feet behind them. How was he supposed to work as a team if his existence wasn’t appreciated?

They got to some place Scott knew just too well.

_/I sense kett activity up ahead, Scott./_

“Thought so too...”, he murmured silently.

Immediately he caught up with the others.

“Saraal, wait. We have to go the other way around. The ground is too unclear.”

The blueish angara growled in annoyance.

“You are doing it again!”

“What? Trying to contribute my knowledge?? You’re right, what an inappropriate way of teamwork!”

The whole body language spoke of violence, it was hard to miss. Saraal was about to tear him apart.

“Saraal, my squad and I had been there a while ago and got ambushed, it is a perfect place for that and SAM is-”

“I don’t care what your squad did or not did. You’ll shut up and follow my instructions! Nothing more. Nothing less.”

While talking the angara had invaded his personal space. Scott just stood there in silence. He won’t give the angara the satisfaction of misbehaving now. There are times in which you have to let something bad happen. And seriously at this point Scott found it hard to care.

“We’re going there. The footprints are leading that way.”

Shrugging Scott followed, again with some distance between them. He had a really bad feeling about this...

 

Meanwhile Evfra was assigning the elite strike teams to the more critical operations, while allowing his soldiers here to manage all those considered standard operations. He knew they had to deal with some tough decisions of their own, but today he felt like his own work was almost too much. He left home early today and found it kinda strange not to see the small rolled-up figure on his sitting place. Which was ridiculous. Ryder had slept there for no more than a couple of days.

Nevertheless the possibility to be granted some sort of Ryder-free vacation was kind of thrilling. Not to mention being free of brooding over the irritating actions of that strange alien nearly constantly. Well, and about his seemingly growing…affection for said alien...

Sighing silently he let his gaze wander. His stomach hurt and just now he got aware that he forgot to eat something. His small stock of nutrition paste he kept under his desk was already depleted, he had used the last one yesterday. Or maybe it had been the day before that, he wasn’t that sure. He wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

Sighing yet again he massaged his temple, and as if the Moshae possessed some sort of sense for his leached out state of mind, she entered the room.

“Evfra, I believe we have a problem that needs immediate attendance.”

“Proceed.”

Somehow his hunger vanished, leaving something behind that felt awfully close to something he rather not think about. Some sort of fear he’d promised himself he would never have to feel again.

“I got word from the Pathfinder’s sister. She’s insisting in going to Eladaan immediately. The AI of theirs states that it lost the connection to Scott Ryder for some reason. I barely managed to calm the poor girl down...”

Evfra’s thoughts were hastening, his heart felt like thumping out of his own body. He felt sick and would’ve preferred to immediately run to the docks, while at the same time he was frozen. His surroundings just so decelerated. Even blinking seemed to take an eternity. Shuddering he concentrated on his breathing. In. And out. Just keep breathing. Easy enough. Now trying to concentrate on the Moshae’s mouth that kept pouring out words he wasn’t able to process.

“…..and….just why…”, he blinked more violently, desperate for getting the control over his body back.

“But this doesn’t have to mean that he’s lost for us... Still, it is indeed worrisome. Do you have contact with his strike team?”

He was almost about to tell her. To reveal what Ryder has entrusted him with. That he needed this connection with the AI, this symbiotic relationship. He needed it to survive, to keep his heart at working. Evfra wished desperately he could shout it in her face, because for reasons beyond his understanding he was angry at her at the moment. Angry at himself for sending Ryder away too soon. Angry at the whole world for being the way it was. Messy. Unfair. Full of hurt and loss.

And strangely the thought of losing that stupid human nearly tore him apart. Mostly because of what could’ve been. He was no idiot, he knew that the alien had been interested in him for quite some time. Alien he was, yes, but such things just seemed to be the same regardless the differences. He got the signs, the insecurities. He just chose to ignore them entirely.

Growling his fingers moved eagerly. He had to contact Saraal.

-“Evfra, I did not expect hearing from you until our arrival.”

“Is Ryder with you?”

Stars, his voice sounded strangely aggressive even to his own ears. His worry was hidden behind his tense appearance more or less, but the Moshae got that something was odd with him long ago of course. Saraal needed a moment to say something, his reluctance was answer enough to allow Evfra's torso to explode with a pain he thought he’d never been capable of experiencing ever again.

“Well, we got ambushed… Couldn’t have foreseen it. There were too many of them...”, just while Saraal was reporting Ryder’s sister came inside, together with Jaal, “Just as we finished all the kett off, some of the aliens came and attacked us. Outlaws I believe, don’t know for sure. We had to retrieve to some caves. Somewhere along the way we lost the human.”

Frowning Evfra managed to hold back the insults that his soul wanted him to release onto the world. But he didn’t had to. Sara Ryder was just as eager to do so it seemed.

“You little bastard, how can you lose one of your teammates like that, huh? Scott isn’t some necklace you just happen to misplace, god-dammit!”

“I do not have to explain myself to an alien!”

“As a matter of fact you do!”, she countered, “You were responsible for my brother, so tell me: _Where_ is he?”

“We searched the area, it seemed that they took him. So he probably is still alive. But, well, here comes the problem. The data we’ve been sent to retrieve… He had it. He still does so I believe.”

“Is that all you care about?”

“Stop intervening! Without understanding what is at stake-”

Sara hit the desk with so much force, it squeaked in protest.

“My brothers life’s at stake! And for fucks sake I really couldn’t care less about you being too stupid to do your job! Admit it, you wanted that to happen, don’t you?? Constantly harassing my brother and compromising his attempts at working together… And _don’t you dare_ saying otherwise, I know _everything_!”, Sara wasn’t finished in the slightest. “ SAM told me about it all and I can guarantee you, the moment you reach Aya’s ground I will smash you against the next wall and punch you as long as necessary for you to fall from your ridiculously high horse, you xenophobic little bitch!”

Jaal hold her with a firm yet gentle grip, but he had a hard time stopping his...friend from doing something stupid. He was really surprised to find such a violent side of Sara, of course he could understand her anger, but it was still hard to compare that sweet, soft being with her rough attitude right now. But Jaal understood now what she meant when she said that she was protective over her brother. And he could picture all her stories of the both of them way more vivid then before.

Saraal groaned.

“Your kindred-ship with that airhead is clear as day!”

“Talk as long as you still can!”

-“This behavior stops now!”

Evfra massaged his temple, his stomach still rioting, but he was relieved to still be able to cling to the hope that Ryder was still alive somewhere.

“Saraal, do you have a clue if those aliens have already left Eladaan? Where could they be heading?”

“Don’t know for sure.”

-”Evfra, those that captured the Pathfinder, they weren’t aliens!”

Evfra frowned.

“Sohkaa, is that you?”

Muffled insults. Loud noises of a fight. A shot. Silence.

“Sohkaa? ...Saraal? What is happening over there?”

“....Apologize, Evfra, I had to shoot Saraal down. I think he’ll survive. Jifal and Elril are tending to him right now.”

“So?”

Sohkaa coughed. It didn’t sound that good.

“The Pathfinder’s sister is right. I fear…I fear that whole mission had been jeopardized from the very beginning. Saraal had acted strange, but I hadn’t thought he would actually do something...reckless. You know that he’d lost his sisters because of the outlaws? He’s...in pain. And-”

“Everyone lost someone along the way… Get to the point!”

“I believe he kind of...sold the Pathfinder out to the Roakaar. Maybe he’s one of them, I don’t know. I don’t know what to think anymore!”

After one frustrated cry he continued.

“The only thing I know for sure is that they took him… Evfra, whatever is necessary to rescue him, count me in! He wouldn’t have been caught if it wasn’t for me... He did well in this mission, as you very well would’ve expected. I… I failed him.”

Breathing out Evfra did his best to try to hide himself behind a mask of indifference. Sohkaa wasn't the one that had failed Scott Ryder. _He_ had. Above all... Evfra was not far away from actually losing his composure for good. Ryder seemed to be still alive, which was truly a blessing, but knowing that the one’s responsible were his own people… Knowing that Saraal, one of his inner circle of trusted individuals, was maybe loyal to the Roekaar…

He had been clueless! Not even assumed. Sending Ryder with him, thinking that Saraal with his strict leadership would be the perfect match for Ryder. Maybe admittedly to tease the human, he knew how extreme Saraal was in demanding completely subordination. It was supposed to annoy Ryder a bit, also challenging him, but certainly not…that.

Saraal may be the one that actually executed that betrayal, but...he alone was the one that had chosen him as the operations leader in the first place. He was responsible. And thus he was part of that whole plot… Stars, he was feeling a kind of sickness he knew wouldn’t vanish until that stupid human would stand before him yet again! With his stupid smile and dumb way of catching his eye against his will every damn time he dared to try…

Staring outside the window Sara was about to cry, the anger she felt was gone. What was left was just the utterly helplessness she had to deal with since waking up here in Andromeda. How was it that everything went so wrong since their mother’s illness?

“...Sara? Let’s go. It will take Sohkaa at least until evening to get back.”

Jaal’s gentle touch was almost too much right now, but at the same time she couldn’t withstand that sweet temptation to just lean against his steady being. Sighing slightly she let herself be led away from the HQ. He hold her the entire way, his hands were just so…nice.

He stopped at some balcony of some sorts, it had a great view. One of his favorite places.

“Scott is a tough warrior. He’ll definitely survive until we’re able to find out where he was taken.”

Sara leaned a bit further against him, maybe overstepping boundaries there, she wasn’t sure. But she needed him right now. And his reassuringly rub of her back was answer enough. Sighing she closed her eyes.

Jaal watched her with agony. She was hurting so much right now. Not able to do anything until that traitor Saraal was interrogated.

“Jaal… Scott is everything I’ve left. The thought alone of not seeing him again...”

“Don’t think about that. He’ll be back before we know it.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Jaal had to chuckle a bit.

“Well, because I’ve never seen Evfra that furious. I feel almost sorry for Saraal.”

“I don’t get it…”

Jaal pulled her even a bit closer. He was almost entirely standing behind her now, his arms on both of her sides, holding her carefully yet strangely possessive. It was comforting to no ends. But she felt kind of bad for feeling that good while Scott was most probably unconscious somewhere in enemy’s hands…

“Evfra is...not as cold as most of my people may think and he would probably like to be. And Scott is...endearing in his own, special way.”

Sara just had to laugh at that.

“The way you say that one could think that you have a crush on my brother.”

“I...must admit I was aware of his charm from the very beginning, yes. But...Well, sometimes even though...something’s there it...just doesn’t….fit?”

Sara nodded slightly, taking that information in quite well if she could say so for herself. She was Scott’s twin so it figured that Jaal was now advancing her. It still felt...odd.

“So I’m kind of the second choice, because Scott seems to have fallen for that, what was his name again?”

“What name?”

“Well, from that great leader of yours.”

“...Evfra?”

“Yes! That one! ...Well, I’ve got to admit, he has a nice voice. And maybe it is a challenge to try to get some other look on that face than this ever so grumpy one. Yeah... I think I get why Scott fancies him.”

“...You think Evfra’s attractive?”

“Well, in his own kind of way, yes. Not exactly my type, but hey, I certainly won’t judge.”

Jaal seems to figure something out. And the moment he did so he seemed kind of agitated.

“Did...Did I just said that you’re my second choice??”

He sounded really shocked of that.

“Nah, don’t worry about it.”

“No. No, that really was not what I intended it to sound like! Sara.”, he turned her around, his face only inches away from hers. She could lost herself in his big blue eyes. How could someone be this pretty?

“You’re the most lovable, delightful being. Every time I find out something new about you I am more mesmerized. I like your laugh. And how strong you are even after going through so much in such a short time. I...truly adore you, Sara.”

Chuckling lightly with burning cheeks she couldn’t hold herself back.

“...Flatterer.”

With that she hid her heated face inside his shoulder, desperate in her wish to just be wrapped around this gorgeous man and forget everything bad for just a moment. Just some seconds of everything being perfect and exactly as it should be.

And Jaal was happy to oblige.


	12. Chapter 12

Moaning in agony Scott sat up a bit more. His cell was tiny but at least clean. Well, small things mattered... Sighing he massaged his shoulders. He had known that something had been wrong with their mission! He’d tried his best not to assume the worst yet again and tried to oblige... After all he’d promised it to Evfra. But it did him no good. Quite the opposite. Maybe if Sohkaa hadn’t tried to stood up for him, putting himself right in the crossfire and trying to reason with those idiotic Roekaar, then maybe they wouldn’t have caught Scott. At least not that easily.

Sighing he felt for his bullet wounds. There were two, one on his left shoulder, where he’d covered Sohkaa, shoved him to the side at just the right time for him to be safe. And the other bullet wound was right above his right hip, shot at him from behind. Saraal…

Yet alone thinking about him made him furious. It was one thing to bully him, but to shoot at him _from behind_? That was something entirely different.

“...SAM?”

No reply. He felt his friend somewhere. He wasn’t alone. But somehow he wasn’t able to communicate. SAM must’ve almost no access to him in general, otherwise he would’ve stimulated his healing abilities by now and the wounds would be no more. And he probably would have reduced the pain while Scott had removed the bullet at his shoulder a while ago. SAM never liked it when he was in pain.

Well, at least he was still alive though and that meant that SAM really wasn’t cut off from him completely. But that was no real reason for joy. He was adjusted to never being truly alone anymore. Of course he’d hated it at the beginning, sharing his body like that. But it was different now. SAM was his best friend. Something like an annoying jet adorable younger brother. He...He was a part of him. Hell, if SAM had a body he would most definitely fuss around him all the time and show him off to everyone that passed them by. SAM was adorable in his attempts of humor. And so very curious in understanding emotions. Short said: SAM was awesome.

Sighing yet again he leaned back at the wall. Blinking the tears away. He did not want to, but Saraal’s words from earlier got to him. Regarding Evfra and him being pathetic for thinking that...that there really was mutual respect. Together with realizing what “sensible data” he just had collected... He thought he had ensured that that highly contagious T-314 virus from Ruth Bekker was gone for good, as well as that sample the Roekaar leader had tried to secure. But here he was with an artificial serum still in his pocket. SAM had been sure that this was indeed some form of T-314, maybe not the original strain, but dangerous enough for sure…

Well if he could not escape, this thing was probably an option. Not a good one of course, but to have something like that as some sort of reinsurance was calming him down to no end. It would take a bit of time until he would be killed by it of course, but it was definitely better than being tortured for eternity.

Because he knew how much some of the Roekaar hated him. And how extreme they could get. The Roekaar cell back on Kadara had murdered many innocents after all. Those serial killings had been the center of his dreams days after finishing that case. He had been so shocked that they murdered even their own people, simply because those had been friendly with aliens…

The door slid open and immediately Scott tensed. An angaran woman, a really dark purplish one, got inside. This meant she was kinda ill-looking for angaran standards, gotten way too few electromagnetic radiation form the sun or artificial light. She must be the angaran comparison of some really white-skinned human, which often was a sign for a weak health condition of some sorts.

“Quit staring!”

Oh, again something of interest! She got a really big scar through her face, splitting her upper lip and stopping just before her left eye. She must have been lucky to still have her eyesight… With force she lifted him up, shoving him outside in some kind of operation room. He had a feeling that they were somewhere underground.

“Something tells me this is not you taking me out for a stroll...”

“Shut up!”

She hit him in his stomach which hurt like hell because of the wound on his side. But it was still worth it. First of all he now knew that she had one hell of a right fist and, more importantly, that she was extremely quick to anger.

Besides he was just so nervous that anything to stop him from thinking about what could and most likely would await him was welcomed….

 

 

Back at Aya Sara was all about to smash everything in her sight. The stoic Resistance leader was interrogating that fucker of an angara since 2 hours straight and she was waiting since then without any clue what was happening in there!

Jaal watched her with worry, which was all he could do right now. She was too agitated, always walking up and down the room. It surprised him that she didn’t left a trail in the ground by now…

 _Finally_ Evfra entered the room. Sara immediately stopped pacing and watched him cleaning his hands, which were soaked in something...blueish? Blinking rapidly she looked at Jaal, wanting to ask him if she assumed right but found that she didn’t have to, his reaction was answer enough. So it really was angaran blood. _Good_. Hopefully it had hurt.

“You two will go to Havaarl. They have a base there. Hopefully it is the one he was taken.”

“Don’t tell me he really doesn’t know where Scott is?”

Evfra’s face was grim and exhausted. It was the first time Sara understood that he cared for her brother in some way. She wasn’t able to tell just how exactly, but the fact that this leader, which seemed to be such a big deal for the angara, was eager to get Scott back, was calming her mind a bit.

_/Sara? I believe Scott to be awake. His heart rate just recently sped up in recurring frequency./_

Sara was about to give in to the relieve that came to her mind the second he said that, but it was shoved aside before it could arise properly by SAM’s continuing voice in her head.

_/...His adrenaline levels are alarmingly high. The highest guess is that he is in pain or experiencing an otherwise stressful situation./_

“L-Let’s not get into too much guessing, right? We don’t know for sure what’s going on...”

She shivered to fight back the cold that lingered in her body, before turning to the blueish angaran leader, who was watching her with irritation. But apparently neither him nor Jaal were foreign to that, well, both of them knew Scott by now, so the random babbling of a Ryder with SAM was somehow less disturbing for them as it certainly would be without that knowledge.

“SAM says that Scott seems to be awake now.”, as she saw them getting all hopeful she hastens to go on, “But their connection is still somehow disturbed. He can’t say anything for sure.”

“Still, knowing that he gets some form of information from him...”, Evfra shivered overwhelmed, “It is better than nothing.”

“Yeah.”

Jaal watched his old friend relaxing a bit in relieve. Evfra had needed a sign that their efforts weren’t hopeless. 

“Evfra, when do we leave?”

“Right now.”

Jaal nodded, eager to get to their destination as fast as possible, so he immediately began to exit the HQ. And for a second he was almost sure that Evfra would join them, but in the end he just walked them to the door and watched them leaving with a restless expression.

Jaal couldn’t shake the feeling that the urge of their leader to acompany them was strong. And he couldn’t blame him for that. Being that important for the angara was a burden he did not wish to have to deal with.

 

Their journey was kind of grim and held in silence for the most part. There was too much on both their minds.

_/There’s an incoming call from director Tann./_

Immediately Sara tensed. She had informed the Initiative right after she had been told by SAM about Scott’s unknown whereabouts. The moment the director got visible she got into action.

“Ryder.”

-“What the fuck took you so long?!”

The salarian straightened himself a bit.

“I understand that you’re worried and out of your mind, but-”

“I’m not out of my mind, I’m at the verge of having one hell of a rage! Lucky you for being far away right now! -I can’t believe that you waited that long for your response! Does the Initiative even care that my brother went missing?”

“I believe this is a very precarious situation for the angaran society and of course I will see to it that the leadership will have to answer for that incident. They missed the opportunity till now to give the Initiative a statement regarding that matter of fact.”

“Politics, seriously? Don’t you think those kind of things have to wait until Scott is rescued??”

“Again, I understand that you’re not aware of the whole picture regarding the collaboration of our species and I guarantee you don’t have to, but as director I am forced to act to such a political catastrophe, even if you may think of it as inappropriate being a relative of the subject at hand.”

“Oh god, I can’t believe what you’re saying! Scott is the very reason your arse is sitting there at this desk in the first place! You should’ve moved heaven and earth to get him back, using all the resources necessary, fuck the regulations!”

“I am in his debt, yes, and personally, I would very much do so, I really like that brother of yours... But my role as director goes above everything, I can’t just ignore protocol. Especially regarding personal benefits. ...That may lead to you thinking of me poorly, but you have to understand, I am only doing my job.”

“You’re a bloody hypocrite! I can’t understand why my brother would support such a spineless maggot like you, too afraid to do what’s right! -Que te folle un pez!”*

And with this she cut the connection with a frustrated groan tearing her hair while starting to walk again in small circles like a restless caged beast. - And still muttering curses which Jaal’ s translator couldn’t catch entirely right.

“...Sara, you’ve got quite the temper.”

She stopped her furious walk and blinked surprised, just a second before a smirk escaped her lips and her tense shoulders got a bit more loose.

“You are surprised? I thought you’ve been around Scott for a while by now.”

“Yes, he’s hot-headed, but...different. I would dare to say less…something. ”

“Well, I guess I am more like our mother regarding that matter. You should’ve experienced one of her bout of temper.”

Now she was smiling in a gentle kind of way that reminded him of the moment he had fallen for that strange human. He did so all over again more than willingly.

“ Jaal, don’t get me wrong now, she was always a really supportive and kind mother to us… But we were pretty extreme troublemakers for sure.”

“I understand. My mother’s would sometimes scold us for overstepping boundaries. It is an important lesson.”

She nodded.

“Yeah, it kind of is. Always.”, sighing she sat down besides him again. “I wish you could meet her. She really is awesome. I bet you would get along just fine.”

“Uh… I would like to.”

Sara sighed. That their mother was alive wasn’t something smart to say aloud to just anyone, but Jaal wasn’t like that. Still, she found it hard to reveal that. It felt wrong right now, with Scott being god knows who and the Initiative being as supportive as ever… Before the silence could tempt her into getting angry yet again he went on.

“Sara, what was it you were saying back then? The translator didn’t get that right. It...doesn’t make sense.”

Laughing she shook her head, getting a bit pink around her nose.

“Ah, well, it is just some curse my mother would shout out when being really annoyed by stupid people. You know, in her family it was a pretty big deal to cling onto traditions such as the native language .”

“Cursing is a form of tradition at your home?”

“No. Well... actually it kind of is. We always talked English at home, but the moment one got angry, it came out in Spanish without our doing. Abuela always said that is because Spanish as a language is way more...emotional than the others, but I still think that’s bullshit. Just never said that out loud of course.”

“Why?”

Jaal blinked in confusion. The adorable pinkish cinnamon roll he was.

“Well, because it would’ve hurt her feelings. Some people are stuck to their ways, you can’t change them, especially old people. You just gotta nod and smile from time to time. It’s no bad thing, really. I’m pretty sure she knew that I did not agree with her that often, but I respected her way of thinking, of living her life, and that was fine with her.”

“... I understand, I think. It is odd, but...” He shrugged, “Many things are. ...Well, Spanish is...another language of your people. How many are there exactly?”

Smiling she began listing up every language she remembered of, testing her knowledge always was a way of keeping her busy enough of not worrying too much. Eventually she knew why he was concentrating that much on keeping her at talking about her family, but she was happy to oblige.

 

Crushing those fuckers from that Roekaar camp was a really good way of releasing her anger, Sara decided. She was frustrated to no ends. Scott was not here, how could she have hoped for anything different than that... SAM wasn’t even sure if he was on Havaarl at all! It was devastating. There was nothing they could do but to head back and wait.

“Hopefully Evfra’s spies found out more than we have...”

Jaal hummed in agreement.

 

 

Meanwhile Scott was in a pool of agony. Never would he have guessed that angara could use their bio-electrical powers to such extends as violating someone. Of course he’d known that they could manipulate bio-electrical fields to their liking, they could even communicate with it, share their feelings and minds, and they used it in combat quite efficiently. But that he would ever witness the depth of possibilities to hurt another…

Moaning he tried to fight back, knowing that he was no match for something like that. A human body was not equipped to withstand such forces, he was no angara that could shield himself. He could only endure it. Whatever "it" really was. She did something with him, that was the only thing he knew for sure. At first it had only been to inflict pain on him, but she seems now eager to go a step further. She could manipulate his feelings, digging deeper. Finding his insecurities. And she feasted on those. Enhanced them in ways he felt he would normally not be able to experience. 

He saw his father die for him over and over again, which felt like eternity but in reality were just a few minutes. She drowned him in his guilt and self-loathing he felt at the moment and multiplied them. And she went on. Finding his complicated mixture of feelings for Evfra the moment he had wandered with his thoughts to him, he couldn't help it. Now she had his pitiful sentiment in her tight grip, not letting go of it, suffocating them and intertwining them tighter with his doubts.

She twisted everything so much, he had a hard time figuring out which one of all those had been his own and which were defiled connections she created.

With angst he realized that if she had enough time she would succeed with whatever she intended with that torture eventually. Blinking he couldn't stop the tears from building up. He had to hold in the pleas to let him be. He wouldn't lose that bit of dignity he possessed and that resistance seemed to anger her further, her attempts got even more reckless than before.

Everything burned and felt cold at the same time and he couldn't stop hoping desperately for Evfra to eventually care enough to try to find him. He wasn't even mad for his poor choice of mission participants anymore or the fact that he did not told him that with the virus. He just wanted to go back. Evfra's sitting place was more than enough for him, he needed no more. Just lying there, knowing the other one was in reach.

The woman was talking to him now, pulled back from his mind a bit to do so, but he couldn't decipher her words. Everything hurt, the light was too much for his eyes, his head was about to explode.

The newfound Roekaar leader groaned. How could that alien possibly be that useless already? Those aliens were so weak, how was it possible that they've accomplished so much? Was that really the one that activated all those vaults, defeated the Archon and blinded the Resistance with all those lies?

"Vjana, we've been contacted by the Resistance.", her silence made him quiver, "...It seems that Akksul had something to do with this... He was seen by some of our people near the entrance."

"How's that possible??"

"He may still have found some men loyal enough to him? We are not entirely sure if he got inside, but-"

"Find that traitor!"

"I will. ...And what about Evfra? He wishes to speak to _our leader_."

"Deal with it, I won't waste my breath on him!"

"As you wish..."

She hesitated as she realized that her captive was moving again. He was feverish and his gaze kind of blurred. But she still managed to hear his whistled words, spoken with a weak, thin voice.

"...Evf...ra..."

It had a pleading undertone together with a small wave of bio-electrical impressions of deep-seated sentiment that went right through her. She couldn't hold her outburst back and kicked that pathetic little freak the moment she processed what she just had found out.

Furious she watched the now unconscious being before her. How exactly was that alien connected to him? He would never get intimate with an alien! ...Wouldn't he? After all, she'd never thought possible for him to officially work with the aliens either... So, how did this alien managed that? How??

With a determined gaze she eagerly left the room, ready to get a medic to waking that piece of shit up again, so she could get to the bottom of this. She refused to believe anything the signs were clearly pointing at. There was just no way that could be true! Not after everything they've endured!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * means: „I hope you get fucked by a fish!“* ( Yes, that really is one hell of a curse… No wonder Jaal thought that his translator fucked this one up^^ )


	13. Chapter 13

Evfra had a hard time containing his isolated, steady grip around his bio-electrical abilities. He had to remain calm on the outside while everything inside him screamed to get into action. To yell, to destroy, to shoot -something, anything!

His comm made a soft whistle and immediately his eyes were glued onto it’s screen. A call. He put it straight through.

“Akksul.”, he barely managed to hold back any negative reaction that urged to be expressed. After all he needed him. Without Akksul they most certainly would still not know anything about Ryder’s whereabouts.

“ I found him.”

Evfra allowed himself to close his eyes for a brief moment in anticipation of those long desired words, the fears lost their death-grip around his torso. They were still there and very real, he wasn’t even sure if they would leave even when that damned human would stand before his very eyes again. But he was able to breathe again without that constricted feeling.

“ Evfra, he...wasn’t the only one I found. There...is someone else.”

Irritated he blinked.

“What do you mean?”

Another voice appeared and his breath halted.

“Yalaon...” (=elder sibling)

He recognized her voice and his heart didn’t seem to be able to work again.

“... Vjana?”

He wasn’t able to say any more, already about to choke on that name alone. A name he had not used for many years and never thought of using ever again. She laughed.

“Yes, it is me.”

She coughed a bit.

“Vjana?!”

Akksul’s voice came up again, a bit higher pitched than normal.

“She’s fine. The blast just took a toll on everyone that had been inside, I guess... We’re about to reach Aya in 5 hours. Let her rest until then.”

“….Right....”

Silence. Akksul cleared his throat. He would've preferred not to be a messenger for such private matters, but he had no choice but to announce his discovery. Even though that would most definitely eclipse the worry for the condition of the Pathfinder... But he knew that now wasn't the right time to voice that out loud, Evfra may be the leader of the Resistance, but he was not a god, Akksul highly doubted that the other one would process anything else he would say to him now.

“...Stay clear, Evfra."

Evfra barely heard the farewell, just like predicted. His head felt kind of light and full at the same time. There was no emotion or thought he could hold long enough. Everything slipped away, or more precisely, right through him. The world was spinning in it’s highest speed while he stood there, not able to participate.

He really couldn’t decide how to act. It was a wonder he still knew how to breathe.

 

The ship landed exactly 4 hours and 45 minutes after their last correspondence and everything Evfra had done until then had been to just stand there at his desk, trying to process what was happening in his life right now. Somehow he had been able to inform Jaal of the success of the mission, or maybe Jaal had been with him the whole time, he did not know.

The moment the shuttle opened and Akksul came through, together with three of their people, very darkish battered beings, he saw her.

“...It is really you.”, he managed to say the moment she stood before him. She said nothing and for a moment they just stared at one another, before she grabbed him at his rofjinn and hugged him hard. After a moment of overwhelmingly paralysis he wrapped his arms around her, too.

He didn’t noticed much else of the happenings in that moment, so he was shocked to learn afterwards that he missed Akksul making way for 4 medics rushing past them with a handbarrow… He couldn’t remember witnessing that, as well as the sorrowful twin of Ryder, fussing around them. It was a miracle. He knew he should feel bad and _he did_. ...Somewhere. But right now he couldn’t hold onto much. Anything besides Vjana was just...not able to grasp.

Of course Jaal had sympathy for him as he finally got himself together enough to actually feel his worry for the human again. To be able to decipher it. And with it his role as the head of the Resistance.

Vjana was led to the infirmary of course, for a check-up. And after assuring himself to allow his soldiers to give him a short update on their current missions he hurried over there. Of course she would not like to be there, even as a little girl she'd hated getting treatment, she disliked medics in general.

“I’m fine, I really am.”

The assistant medic shook his head and shoved her back on the ion bed.

“You need further treatment. You seem to have lacked any electromagnetic radiation for months, Vjana! Your bio-energy is weakened and so is your immune system. A few more days without any sunlight of some sorts and you may 've lost your consciousness, maybe never again being able to wake up from that! So you will definitely stay here at least until the next day and if Olvek thinks it’s necessary even the day after that. Depends on how reasonable you’ll show yourself regarding the urgently needed long-term treatment...”

She sighed annoyed, which made Evfra smile. It was easy to see the young Vjana from his memories in this almost grown woman. Straightening a bit he searched the area for said medic in charge. Olvek was entirely occupied, his machinery was making all kinds of noises and every now and then you could hear him swear under his breath. This very picture before his eyes made him realize that Ryder was laying there in that ion bed before him. _Motionless_.

“ Olvek?”

He wasn’t able to keep his concern out of his voice. With shame he examined the human. He was almost as pale as the snow back at home, with lips almost as purple as his long-lost sister's skin... It was scary. Especially the lack of a reaction of some sorts from the medic, indicating the level of concentration he apparently felt necessary. Olovek’s eyes did not leave the screens for even a second.

“Olvek, what is the meaning of this?”

“...I don’t know what’s wrong -yet. Human anatomy is...surprisingly complicated indeed. ...I am trying to get some tests to work, but apparently his biotic powers interfere with my efforts.”

The twin was standing there at the bed, holding the lifeless hand of her brother, clinging to it like her very life depended on it.

“You mean he doesn’t allow you to treat him?”, she couldn't believe that, or, to be more precise, she very well could and it scared her endlessly.

“To _analyze_ him, yes. I am not capable of doing anything before I have any idea what’s wrong."

_/I allowed myself to inform Dr. Lexi T’Perro of the current status of Scott. She was his doctor since reaching this galaxy and being an asari she is a natural talent regarding biotics. She may have a better perspective to everything./_

Olvek nodded with tightly pressed lips. He didn’t like to not be able to do anything at all, his lack of knowledge was angering him to no ends. This important alien could die because of his inability to acquire sufficient data regarding their new brothers and sisters in time! He would have been able to do so months ago!

If Ryder’s condition got any worse than this comatose one he would be held responsible -and the aliens would be right in doing so...

 

 

Jaal’s left arm was about to fall off, or at least it felt like that. He held his small, soft Sara in his arms for 13 hours straight now, caressing her back ever so slightly. His whole left side felt kind of numb, but the worst really was his arm. It was almost without any blood now, prickling painfully. And yet he still wouldn’t dare to move an inch.

Not while Sara finally got her well deserved rest now after almost 2 days of vigil. She had only left her brother’s bed to rush to the bathroom and that she had done in a remarkable short amount of time indeed. Akksul had been visiting the infirmary, too, shortly after being released of the trial he had to participate. At least they’ve kept it short.

The Moshae and her love for him as her best student had been of great help regarding that, but also Jaal's own forgiveness regarding their last encounter... All in all Akksul had earned a pardon, at least temporally. The big decision was about to happen the moment Scott would be fit enough to attend such a meeting. The Initiative wanted to be a part of that too, that director of them was eager to get this whole ordeal over as fast as possible.

Paaran had visited the human, too, she talked for one hour straight, reported him everything she discovered about one of the artifacts he had found for her, or maybe even of all of them Jaal had dozed off a bit to be true... There would have been plenty more visitors for sure if it hadn’t been for Olvek and Lexi. Both declaring that they wouldn’t allow anyone inside that wasn’t actually close to their patient. Which definitely didn’t exclude for Evfra to appear. But _he didn’t_. After his initial visit right at the first day he just went back to normal. Well, not really of course. There was that matter of his newfound sister that seemed to be very alive despite their previous thoughts. He was probably busy with helping her to get used to Aya and everything. 

Her story was a long one and Jaal hadn’t been there to witness it, but Akksul as his informant hadn’t been that keen on talking about it. Akksul was very short-spoken in general and surprisingly he came each and every day for multiple times, making sure of Ryder’s well-being. Today he had been visiting 3 times by now and it was not even sundown. The only thing his former nemesis had said after Jaal's inquiry for an explanation had been that he may have corresponded with Scott some time before and thus they had gotten closer to one another. That must have been the very reason for him pulling strings to get Scott out of the grasp of his former group as well. It made sense.

“Ugh…”

Jaal got all ears the moment he heard that tiny expression of pain from their troublemaker. Lexi immediately rose to her feet and with it her associate Olvek got up too. Both medics had been busy discussing the physiology of the Milky way species, their latest talk had been about their...reproduction. Which had been kind of awkward to overhear maybe because he'd been extremely curious and maybe especially because he had some sort of a...more personal interest. Shuddering because of the heat he felt by just thinking about that, he concentrated himself again on the medics, both at Scott's sides now. This was neither the proper time nor the place to dwell into such depth of thoughts.

Lexi shortly touched Scott's forehead and nodded in anticipation. 

“I think he’s stable enough to try again...”

Jaal softly woke his little human up.

“Sara, it is time.”

Immediately she was wide awake and looked to the asari, only rubbing over her eyes quickly before addressing her friend. 

“Lexi, you really think it’s okay now? Will he be awake after that? Or can I try if it fails again, please?"

The asari shrugged.

“He was out of his mind way too much the last time I’ve tried. But now that his body got to rest a bit he may be more willing to accept my company. And....Sorry, Sara, but it is important that I am doing this and not you, for you are too close to him and I fear...", she sighed, "We need to be cautious. It is important to prevent a possible mental breakdown..."

The young Ryder nodded even though she clearly did not understood what Lexi meant for real, what she was implying with that. And Lexi would not say out loud what she thought, she wouldn’t label Scott without really knowing anything for sure and of course even if she would know for sure, she wouldn’t dare to say a word. She could only hope that he would recognize her this time and that his trust in her as a person as well as his doctor was enough to be allowed to stay.

She ignored the awed gaze of the angaran medic while she begun to work her way through to him yet again, shoving any of her own feelings aside. Gently making herself known within Scott. Every step she took closer was being announced clearly. She had to be very careful, one step too fast and she would lose his fragile trust immediately, just like the last time. But now that his body got some rest, hopefully it would calm his erratic mind a bit, too.

But a soul surely does not follow any logic or concept after surviving traumatic incidents. There were many patients that kept being caged within their survival instincts for a long time after the actual happening, with no way of getting through to them. It was entirely up to them when and if they were ready to face everything -or just bits of it.

Having SAM connected with Scott was a blessing in this case however. Just as she felt that her trace of thought lead onto a lack of concentration which therefore resulted in her being too fast for a moment and Scott was about to shut her out again, the AI intervened.

_/Scott, this is Lexi from the Tempest. You’re safe now. I have full access to you again... There is no enemy activity in sight./_

Lexi felt her friend hesitating, felt his despair.

_“It is not...”_

Sadness was swashing over to her. And a depth of it that almost drowned her too.

 _“Scott, please. Your sister is sitting with us, she… She needs you. We all need you… But.”_ She paused. _“But if you need more time, that is okay. Just… Just don’t take too long, okay? Nothing good will come out of this.”_

She almost heard him sighing, a deep, sorrowful one that crept into her very self, echoing in there. He was weary. Despite being so young, just a brief moment of existence in relation to her life, and still so very weary. This state of mind was deeply intertwined within him, even though it had not been there before. She knew this very well for they had melded one time before, after one of their talks about Scott's father, mere days before the Meridian incident. Something or to be more precise someone meddled with his mind.

Clouding the shock she felt she encouraged her young friend the moment she got that he approached her on his own. Way slower than she had and with much hesitation, but he did. She got images of his hurt now. Not willingly but inevitable because of the close proximity of them now and him being no asari like her to be able to shield his thoughts... Lexi shivered, she saw and felt so much. Her whole body was overwhelmed by the sensation of her skin being burned away piece by piece... Of her bones being ripped open and cut into little pieces painfully slow... She felt a cold she could not compare with anything she’d ever witnessed, feeling her limps freezing, turning black and rotting away -she could smell the rotten flesh, the insects feasting...

Her whole soul was revoking, she had a hard time to maintain their connection and only was able to to so because she shielded herself. She had to cut herself from those echoes of his pain to still be able to keep up the appearance of a reassuringly friend, to protect him from her reactions which that glimpse of his severe torture had caused -a mere _glimpse_!

Her stomach ached, everything inside her was screaming for revenge. The urge to protect her friend was strong now and luckily that was something that helped her to gain his full trust, even though she did a poor job in shielding him from her own emotions. She reached out to him, felt that he allowed her to drag him with her outside. Her anger has lit something inside him and now it was burning deep and powerful...

They were both back in their bodies, their faces mere centimeters away from one another. She smiled softly at him.

“...Welcome back, my friend.”

She caressed his sweaty cheek while talking.

“You’re at the Infirmary at Aya now. Safe and sound."

He nodded and moved his head a bit, only to catch the eye of his sister -a red-nosed, teary mess. She threw herself around his neck after he also visibly fought with tears and buried her face deep inside his shoulder, not ready to let go of him any time soon. 

Lexi withdrew herself, watching the reunion of the twins with a warmth in her heart that melted the cold away that still lingered there. Those images she'd witnessed... She had to talk with someone about it. And it was urgent to take action fast, for those torturers were still out there somewhere. Probably having Scott as their main target again. Her friend's mind would not survive such a torment again of that she was sure.


	14. Chapter 14

Akksul was not sure how to proceed. At all. It had begun several days before with his seemingly harmless interest in getting clues as to where his former members were hiding the Pathfinder. But before he could say knife he was knee-deep in a full-blown rescue mission. Finding a hand full of his former loyalists that he could convince to help him as a chance to redeem themselves had been the first step to that mess.

Grumbling he watched the entrance of the medical center -an ever watchful eye on every last one of those that passed by with sheer coincidence. Since arriving at Aya he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was just utterly wrong, but somehow he wasn’t able to decipher what it was. At least at the moment. He was determined in finding out what was causing him that severe headache.

“Oh. ...Akksul, you are still there?”

The addressed angara gifted Jaal and that female of his with a frown.

“I never left to begin with.”

Said human got some strange looking wrinkles at her temple. Presumably expressing distrust. Maybe mixed with...worry? He wasn’t sure. Even though he began to accept their existence he still resented their lack of emotional responses he would normally get from any angara. Humans were supposed to be the milky way species with the widest spectrum of displayable emotions… But he forced himself to keep in mind that his understanding may be hindered by their differences at the moment, there was still so much to get to know of each other and somehow he partly began to look forward to gain more knowledge of those he formerly declared as being all but defective.

“ Why are you that interested in my brother? -Don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful for your help, I am in your debt, I really am, but...I simply don’t get it.”

“You don’t have to thank me each and every time you walk past me… It is annoying.”

He assumed the human would now be angered, but surprisingly she just shrugged.

“ Well, I tend to have that kind of effect.”

Somehow her attitude was kind of refreshing. Another side of those aliens, they could be witty too. And he found that he liked that.

“…The moment I’ll have something comprehensible as an explanation I’ll let you know… For now I’ ll continue to keep him safe from the misplaced wrath of my people.”

He knew very well why he was protecting Scott Ryder. It was the least he could do. He was responsible for all this mess -he invented the Roekaar in the first place! He'd lit the flame of hate in his young brothers and sisters, sending them to their deaths... Closing his eyes for the sheer overwhelming pain he waited. Endured.

“ ...Besides there were more than enough nonsensical deaths already.”, his words nothing more than a silent whisper. It sent shivers through the small female, which left Akksul wondering exactly how wrong his initial belief of the aliens emotional indifference really was.

He sighed. The mood was now pretty downcast. And he was eager on changing the topic. 

“...How is he?”

The human blinked confused, before she understood what he meant. She averted her eyes for a brief moment, obviously trying her very best to stay positive.

“He’s...”, the words seemed to be stuck insider her throat. She gulped.

“I won’t lie. He’s...not good. Not at all. I...”, she shivered again, now Akksul was aware of tears in her eyes. “He went through some pretty bad shit already, but somehow this here is...entirely different. I- I can't get through to him. Not like before. ...He won't let me.”

And this revelation broke the dam. That poor creature was almost falling over by the sheer range of sadness she apparently felt right now. It was exactly that moment that Akksul finally got something he'd missed the entire time before. Her bio-electrical information felt entirely different as their own, but there was no mistaking it. Humans were capable of producing such information. 

Blinking in awe he realized that The Moshae had been entirely right. The aliens, well, the humans at least, really were _equal_ to their own depth of feelings. -How had he not noticed that up until now? How could he have been so blind for now he could feel her despair and confusion and guilt and...and love _as clear as day_!

Had his hatred and distrust blinded him that severely this whole time? How much of what he was experiencing and had experienced could be trusted if one could be blended by one’s own emotions that severely?

The sobbing got worse and Akksul was more than out of his comfort zone now. Luckily Jaal knew exactly how to handle the human, comforting her in a strong embrace . - _His_ human. Akksul now got that the bond between those two was already blossoming into something strong and beautiful. Maybe soon being the very first union of both their species.

With those two right before his very eyes he began to truly believe in such a future -one where they would all live peacefully together.

The female -no: _Sara Ryder -_ needed some time to regain her composure. But the moment she did she looked him straight into his eyes, boring her very blue one’s into his own. Their similarity and depth seemingly mocking him. He had been a fool. A blind, stupid fool...

-“Maybe… Maybe it will help him if _you_ go to him? After all you rescued him from there... That has to mean something!”

Immediately Akksul shied away in reflex. He'd tried to stop that reaction due to his wish not to be read that easily by her but she saw it nevertheless.

“He’ll be glad to see you, I’m sure of it!”

He sighed. Now she looked at him with high hopes inside, eager for everything that will reduce that burden of failure she carried along.

“...We’ll be able to talk soon, I’m sure of it, but...for now I’ll remain here.”

She nodded, understanding that he needed some time and the fact that she was not asking him to explain himself or trying to force him into this spoke for her. It showed that she was a good person and above all deeply caring, not only seeing her own wishes but those of others, too. Empathy from an alien... Something he'd doomed to be impossible before...

With a thoughtful nod Jaal dedicated to him he carefully took Sara Ryder's hand in his and nudged her to continue their walk -probably to his apartment.

Relieved Akksul used their retreat to inhale deep, shivering while exhaling. That encounter had been extremely fatiguing. Something that he’d never felt before. But nothing was like before, with forming the Roekaar he’d just chosen to fool everyone and himself. It had been important for him to appear all but powerful. A mighty foe ready to strike every alien that dared to stand in his way, that could and definitely would try to harm him again the moment he seemed to be weak… But the truth was now mocking him almost constantly.

Without that goal of his and his followers he felt hollow and utterly helpless. The only thing in his mind that kept him focused and away from some disastrous psychological breakdown, was Scott. The alien that had defied him again and again, always managed to undo his schemes. The alien that declared with a naive hope that he wished for peace between them with all his heart. The one alien he had begun to like despite their history and that had been abducted and tortured by aliens just like him -with the exception that Scott’s torturer had been _angara!_

The group Akksul had invented to protect and preserve angara as a whole was now the very thing he had sworn to defy after getting free of the Kett...

Shivering he ignored the urge to hug himself, in desperate need for some sort of support. He could not confront Ryder, could not stand the thought to even do as much as look at him. He feared for his own sorrow to emerge the moment he’ll give in to that need to be sure of the human's well-being. His shame for his many crimes was about to devour him, his guilt eager to tear him apart.

He couldn’t bear to look into those innocent eyes of the alien and experience first hand the damage and hurt that had been done… He just _couldn’t_.

 

 

Lexi sighed. It was no use, being traumatized Scott remained as buttoned up as ever -even more extreme than before. There was no way to even suggest his mental state right now. She wasn't able to do much, even looking at him more than mere seconds managed to make him feel unwell. She didn't want to force him to talk to her or to say anything, really. But with the Initiative at her back she had almost no choice. It was frustrating.

Her only distraction was that medic Olvek, one very chatty representative of his kind. But he was endearing and if she would not have to worry about her patient right now she may be inclined to give in to his subtle advances. _Maybe_.

A discreet entering angaran soldier got her attention, whispering something to Olvek at his desk. His reaction made it clear that something was not right, he was not good at hiding things... She sighed already sensing the distress of Ryder.

"What is it?"

The soldier looked to her for permission and thus acknowledging Lexi as the attending doctor, she gave him a subtle nod. There was no way she could shield Scott from whatever that information was, he made it clear on every occasion before that he disapproved of anything that even slightly seemed to be like "handling him with kid gloves" as he put it.

"Saraal was found dead in his cell."

Scott's face was well guarded and it concerned Lexi. Even more so that Scott did not voice anything out loud. He just sat there, mostly without motion, and stared at the wall opposite of him.

"...How is that possible?"

The soldier averted her eyes for a brief moment.

"Further information regarding the exact happenings are currently being gathered."

-"Was anyone else hurt?"

Olvek was ready to sprint to the HQ in haste, but he was held back.

"The guards had been knocked down, but nothing severe as Piina ensured me. They've been found by the shift changeover and taken care of by your acquaintance. She assured me she could handle everything and I came as fast as I could to report to you for I know you'll definitely want to investigate the body."

Smiling shortly Olvek patted her shoulder in a brief gesture.

"You have my gratitude, sister."

Smiling back she stepped aside, allowing him to leave. Olvek hurriedly excused himself before vanishing through the door. Lexi sighed.

"Well, Scott... How are you feeling?"

Lexi watched her friend shrugging. His eyes hollow while catching hers, sending a cold shiver down her spine.

"I am still six feet over ground.", he sighed as he saw her reaction to that and quickly went on, "I am okay."

"...Okay."

She smiled at him, but there was sadness in it. He averted his eyes.

"Just... -You know that I'm here for you, don't you?"

He nodded.

"Good. I...I will leave you now. If anything happens, or if you want to talk... Just a little call, a small text and I'm there, okay?"

Another nod. Lexi retreated.

"Okay... I wish you a good night."

That last one was hard to voice out, but she found no alternative for parting ways and saying nothing felt weird. She left the building, eager to find a little rest. She really was pretty exhausted.

 

Scott laid in bed, wide awake for hours now. He hated those strange ion beds. Not because they weren't comfortable, but because he was forced to lay in those. They were helping him with the pain he felt in his head. Especially behind his eyes. But he couldn't think in here. Just stare at a wall feeling like a trapped animal. 

He managed to fool them more or less that he was okay, that he only dealt with the abduction. But he knew something was not right with him. He could barely see the exit, everything was a blurr and he felt a severe pain the moment he just stood up from the ion bed to stretch himself.

Vjana may have tortured him only a few hours, maybe 4 at top, but messing with one's mind was a timeless crime. It had felt like he'd been years under her grasp. And yet alone the thought of her being here, on Aya, next to Evfra, made him sick.

_"Very well, look who's finally awake again!"_

_Scott blinked. Everything hurt, but the moment he saw her, panic constricted his mind and the pain felt like she still was inside him poking and scratching, burning and freezing, hitting and cutting._

_"Did I gave you permission to look at me??"_

_He hurriedly averted his eyes again. Those few seconds had been enough to get a glimpse of what that angara was doing. She was changing her clothes, putting some on that looked awful, like all those of her prisoners. Except that one of them wouldn't need any clothes ever again. The angara woman she supposedly had the clothes from was lying motionless and utterly naked on the ground a few feet away._

_And even though he was afraid of her like he'd never been of anyone ever before, his mind was still working fine and thus he was putting together the pieces without effort. And he was honestly more terrified by the idea of her in Aya than her killing him again thousands of times.  
_

_"How do I look, my friend?"_

_"Pathetic."_

_She nodded in approval, smiling mischievously at the other angara, her right hand. Scott tried to memorize the features of that one. The broad face, the speckles of orange on his kind of yellow skin. The two stripes under his eyes, almost circling completely around, making him look like some yellow panda. Scott had to smile and hold in a laugh because he tried to picture himself describing him like that to Evfra._

_"What's so funny there?"_

_"Nothing. Just can't imagine how this stripes of cloth will help you fooling everyone."_

_Both of them exchanging a glare before she started laughing. It had a cold ringing in it and sounded wrong in so many ways._

_"You're nothing more than a few month here in our galaxy and already try to look like you know everything."_

_"You won't get what you try to gain from this masquerade!"  
_

_Now her smile vanished. Cold blue eyes bore their way into his mind. He felt her bio-electrical nudge, a taste of what she had done to him and very well could do again._

_"Considering that you lost consciousness that easily, I am surprised you have the nerve of talking like that to me again."_

_"Well, I am full of surprises."_

_"So am I", she smiled, the threatening features of her body language vanished again, "But I guess I haven't introduced myself properly to you, have I?"_

_She mimed a bow and her cruel eyes shone brighter while talking._

_"Vjana de Tershaav, glad to be of service!"_

She had invaded his mind after that a bit, pleased to witness his emotional chaos after her revelation. And the moment she forced herself onto him again a cutting pain got through his eyes straight into his head with a ringing sound so loud and annoying it made everything blurr.

The next time he'd opened his eyes was him waking up right here in the infirmary. Side by side with that same pain, maybe just a little less overwhelming. But since then it had never left him, he could constantly feel the blood flooding inside, building pressure. Nothing severe, at least at the moment, but he knew that constantly pressured brains normally didn't take that long to cause side effects.

_/You should've told Olvek or Lexi days ago of those symptoms./_

"You know I can't. If I do, it will definitely require Lexi to try to meld our minds again, she has seen what has been done to me, just a few seconds but I am sure they were enough. She'll be capable of connecting that to the brain pressure and she wouldn't be able to let it be."

_/She's a good person, of course she will try to help./_

"Exactly. And she'll be in danger almost immediately while trying to. I'll have to keep my mouth shut if I want everyone safe. Besides you've already been able to reduce the pressure a bit -and you faked those tests Olvek did for me, thanks for that by the way."

_/Scott... In all probability she will harm your friends along her mission here./_

"But without knowing what it is that she wants we'll have to oblige and observe.'

_/I have to say, I don't like that at all. Your condition is important, too, and somehow I can' t decipher why it takes me so long to reduce the pressure. Her influence on your brain is extremely persistant, if exposed to such bio-electrical invasions more frequently.../_

"Don't worry about that, SAM... -Well, I'm tougher than I look!"

It was a bad try for humor, he knew that, but really, what was left for him? He had to use it, otherwise he would start to hyperventilate which would result just to more pressure onto his brain for sure. He was tempting his luck as it was, he did not need to provoke it any further than that.

_/Scott, you should try to talk to your sister. She was very upset because of your silence and is not used such treatment, it will effect her./_

"I won't drag her into all this mess. She's already knee-deep into all that shit with our mother and this benefector-crap. Besides, telling her would increase the possibility of this maniac to kill her instantly if she even so much as glanced at her in a wrong way. And I know my sister, she is not capable of holding herself back. Vjana already has killed Saraal, she won't hold herself back if it is about an alien for sure..."

Scott could feel the frustration SAM felt. There was nothing to add to that and SAM knew it.

_/...I'll increase my efforts to get you out of the infirmary. I am positive in getting you below your current intracranial pressure of 22 to a more normal level of 20 mmHg by evening, if I delay some of my other functions for now./_

"As long as you don't harm yourself, I am okay with that. Just...don't overwork yourself, okay?"

_/Your worry is misplaced, for you are the one with a critical condition deceiving everyone. I am fully functioning and beyond any of such hindrances./_

"Are you calling me a cripple?"

_/I find myself intrigued as well as dismayed by your constant use of humor as your chosen coping mechanism for this precarious situation./_

"You're welcome!"

SAM made one strange electric noise.

_/I am calculating my chances of ever understanding your strange human humor...It hit rock bottom./_

"Awww, don't be frustrated! You're actually getting the hang of it. Well, maybe the next step would be to learn how to flirt? We could start now. We'll, let's see, you lack any physical features, but...huh, your voice can do. You really do have a nice voice."

_/. .. I may have to lessen your endorphin flow again, you happen to be a bit too light in the head./_

"Are you embareessed now?"

His human friend shook his head chuckling and let himself fall back on his back, smiling at the ceiling like some idiot.

Just one more example why SAM didn't like intervening into his biological system any more than he needed to. Reducing pain was something he did without hesitation, but doing something to make him feel...well, _better_ , to not be frightened that much by everything? To forget those hurtful happenings even just for some moments?

It was something he never intended to do. Many feared those like him for that very possibility. For their power, for what they could do. He was determined to never overstep his boundaries, but with those small, harmless looking intervention he was already right on track to maybe become what everyone feared so much.

SAM was not sure how he should handle Scott's situation right now, Being blackmailed like that, forced to watch as the enemy tied bonds with his loved ones. Nothing of his saved data was helping him with that and asking someone was out of question. It was as Scott has said it. There was no other possibility at hand. 

They could kill this eccentric family member of the Resistance leader, yes, but Scott was sure that this would lead to them destroying Evfra as well. SAM could only guess what it would mean for one to lose someone close, to lose family. He knew he missed Alec Ryder, he was his originator. Somehow equatable to a father, in a different way than the biological one of course,...but nevertheless a father indeed.

Scott's strange giggling got SAM out of his train of thought. Well, at least Scott was gifted with a few minutes of feeling at ease...


	15. Chapter 15

Smiling Scott stretched his stiff shoulders. He was out of that damned ion bed for at least half an hour without the pain turning back.

“I think you finally did it, SAM.”

_/Your intracranial pressure is at a normal level now, yes./_

Scott got a weird look from the soldier standing at the desk by Olvek, still discussing some private matters. Something about their families wish of them being together, but they do not wish to or at least it was not Olvek’s intention, the girl was inclined to and he felt bad and she felt bad and now they had no idea how to move on from that.

Olvek watched him with a smile, interrupting his chat with…Scott forgot her name again.

“Ryder, you look better this evening.”

“...Thanks.”

“I already asked for Lexi to come over, I thought you may want to try to take a walk today?”

“...I guess.”

To be true he was not that eager to go out again. After all Evfra decided that there were many tasks much more important than checking up on him, everything seemed to be better than to visit him, and Scott still had no idea why. But well, Jaal only came because Sara dragged him inside. She had ensured Scott that this reluctance to come visit him while he had already regained his consciousness was just the angaran way. He had known before that dealing with illnesses was nothing they did lightly, or well, at all, really, but that this would include visiting a friend…

How could the angara be like that? Why were they that extremely uncomfortable with dealing with illnesses in general? Well, a broken bone or something like that wasn’t a big deal even with them, but everything that took some time, everything that included recovery and may indicate a handicap or the like, that was a whole different matter. And Scott couldn’t help feeling uncomfortable because of their attitude, as if taking one’s time after something like that was in some way obnoxious in general. He felt like he was now stigmatized by angara to be weak.

_/Do not forget that your self-consciousness may be the result of her manipulation, Scott./_

Sighing he was more than happy to see Lexi approaching him. Immediately he stopped her, closing the distance between them and forebode at the exit.

“I would like to get some air...if that's alright with you.”

Lexi just smiled.

“Of course.”

She linked arms with him and started to describe him her day so far. Which he paid not that much attention to his shame, he was too occupied in trying to stop his stupid heart in pounding so fast every time he saw features of an angara walking through the dimly lit streets, immediately picturing Evfra on his way home -and with every angara he got more fraught. That was until he heard Lexi casually say a name.

“Wait, what?”

She looked at him with a frown.

“...I said that I helped poor Vjana today with her studies of the milky way species. She asked me to give her some information a couple of days ago but eventually found that the up to 600 pages I sent her were a little bit too overwhelming, so we went through the basics together. It was kind of fun.”

The asari seemed not to sense his immediate change of heart. Up until now Vjana’s appearance on Aya had been nothing more than the simple knowledge that she has to be somewhere, but there had been no indications at all of her whereabouts and thus it had been easy for him to just pretend that she wasn’t there, that everything was fine...

“Well, she’s a fast learner, I don’t think she’ll take long to get a better picture of our ways. But she insisted on meeting again this evening, going through the politics. I suppose this will become a rough evening… That makes me think -you aren’t interested in discussing the human history by chance?”

By now his whole body was covered with a cold sweat. He felt awfully close on puking right onto the floor, his heart hammering and pulsing like crazy, making him feel dizzy and like...far away. Lexi seemed to notice the condition he was in, suddenly she was really fast in grabbing his arm some more and shoving him onto a bench.

“I am sorry, I didn’t realize you were getting sick... Maybe this was a bit too fast?”

He managed to shake his head. She began stroking his back supportively, yet not too conspicuous.

“Concentrate on your breathing, okay?”

It took some time but eventually Scott managed to regain control over his body.

_/You may have to consider that you're indeed affected by the past events. You may need additional help in form of therapeutic conversations. May I suggest that Lexi could-/_

Groaning Scott hid his face in his hands, interrupting SAM. He meant well, but Scott already knew very well that he suffered ptsd, it had been quite some time ago that he had anxiety attacks in a pretty frequent matter after all. But he would've never guessed to have such difficulties ever again, because he worked so damn hard to get over it, good enough for his father to get him into the rehabilitation program to be allowed to apply in the Systems Alliance military program.

How the hell was he supposed to work his way around this fucked up angaran woman if he couldn’t even stand Lexi talking about her?

_/It is much more than that... I strongly suggest that the Roekaar leader wants you to feel intimidated and that is why she concentrated on your negative feelings mostly. She will try to infiltrate your every acquaintance, it is a common yet highly effective way of manipulation that will lead to the opponents loss of aspiration./_

Lexi shook his shoulder lightly to get him out of his thoughts -she did not know of course that it was a conversation with SAM.

“Uh, thanks, Lexi, I-I’m fine now...”

Lexi nodded, but her face still wore many worried wrinkles. Scott wasn’t eager on looking up again. Feeling nauseated he stood up again, trying to ignore everything and everyone. Lexi jumped to her feet, too, carefully eyeing his every move. She relaxed moments after that, realizing that whatever it had been was over now.

"Scott?"

"Yeah?"

She hesitated, but eventually sighed and rummaged in a small bag she had on her hip.

"I am not sure if you really should get it back that fast, but I can't withhold it any longer. You're awake and ready to leave that ion bed, so there's no more excuse in not handing it over."

She shoved his pad in his hands, clearly not happy in doing so.

"I very much hope that you won't start working full-time again... I spoke to De Tershaav about allowing you to ease your way back to work."

"You what??"

"Don't look at me like that, you know that you still need to rest. If the Initiative would've stayed out of it, then you wouldn't be on duty for some time, being allowed to concentrate on yourself to rehabilitate properly. -Seriously, it is irresponsible to decline you any form of rehabilitation, I am still furious about it all!"

"You talked to Tann, too?"

Lexi came to a stop, blinking.

"I _argued_ with him, yes. It is terrible enough that he refused to allow any sufficient vacation for everyone to compensate the past events. But this...", she shook her head, "Let's just say I lost any respect I hardly managed to obtain."

Scott breathed slowly in, having a hard time holding his own anger back.

_/She's just doing her job. And maybe her duty as a friend./_

It hadn't been her place to talk to all of them, not without talking to him about it first. But Scott tried to accept it. The damage was already done and he had been out of it for quite some time, it was not fair to accuse her now for overstepping. She had done what she had thought was best for him. Which wasn't really what he would've wanted to, but well, the threat of Vjana remained. And this was definitely more important than his reputation... Concerned he tried to shush any doubts about it, because in some way his reputation was important at a time like this, too. He needed his work to be able to take charges against this imposter.

Sighing he massaged his temple, already feeling his headache coming back.

_/The cause is more likely due to stress, it is of course not any more pleasant than the one's from before, but at least without the critical brain condition./_

Scott agreed silently and focused his mind on his communication with Lexi again.

"Well, Tann is working 24 per day, seven days per week, Lexi. He doesn't really rest, salarian's in general are workaholics of some sort, so I guess it's not surprising that he won't allow us to have vacation. And if it's any excuse, there really are tons of assignments yet to execute and not enough personnel right now -and above all there are many negotiations yet to operate for him to establish trading in Andromeda. And our settlements....,well, I won't even start with them."

"Don't you dare protecting him!"

Scott gifted her with a half-hearted smile.

"Well, I only say that I can understand why he won't allow such things. Simply because he's lacking the right kind of resources. And because of SAM as the one keeping me alive he can't just transfer my job to someone different without causing my death -and probably quite the unpleasant uprising, too..."

Lexi sighed.

"I know. Still... It is not right to allow such things. It should only be an exception, not some normal course of life. I fear of losing those basic rights, I don't want them to get lost on our way to establish our new home here. It shouldn't even be necessary to ask for them!"

"...I get it. But, still. Give that man a break. I chose Tann for a reason and if I'd thought of him being a bad person than I would've chosen someone different. But he isn't, Lexi, okay? He really isn't one of the bad guys. He's got a good heart and sincere intentions. Even if he has a bad way of showing his own concerns regarding those issues I'll bet that he's worried about the same things you are. He just thinks that voicing them out loud will affect his reputation, besides he sees no value in voicing concern without any power to change it at the moment. And on top of all he still has to work on his self-esteem as a leader and....and I can relate to that."

She sighed.

"Did anyone ever tell you how annoyingly insightful you are?"

"Uh, you did. Just now."

Chuckling she laid her hand on his shoulder with some kind of affectionate look in her eyes.

"Promise me you'll be easy on yourself..."

"I'll try."

She nodded, squeezed his shoulder before letting go of it and putting some distance between them again.

"Well, that is enough serious talk for today, don't you think? ...You seem rather fatigued, I guess we should make our way back, it's not that far anymore. Besides, I still have to hold onto a promise of mine."

Scott's face darkened. Lexi would go to Vjana after escorting him back and there was nothing he could do about it now.

_/We will find a way to expose her for what she really is./_

"Yeah, but when?", he whispered back and of course there came no response. Because even though SAM might wish to expose that imposer, it should be done with the utmost caution. They were talking about Evfra de Tershaav's little sister after all. A position not easily undermined, not even from the truth. People will believe what they want to and why would the angara trust his words alone of how foul and evil this young woman was, while she had played the damsel in distress probably perfectly well while arriving on Aya. She was a true deceiver. He had faced many of those in his time here in Andromeda, but she...she was without mercy.

With a fake smile he watched Lexi leaving, still on the doorway and far from ready to go back inside. He struggled with a sudden desire to just leave this place, steal a spaceship and fly away. Discovering some far away planet, never being forced to deal with any of this shit ever again. And just as he felt like he was tempted to act upon this impulse he heard something right next to him and startled, expecting to get attacked.

"Easy, Ryder, easy... It's just me."

Taking a deep breath Scott leaned his back against the cold stone of the wall, shuddering.

"Akksul..."

The addressed angara stood a bit straighter, apparently not that keen on talking with him or something. Scott felt a sudden jolt of anger inside him, ready to be unleashed. But deep down he knew that Akksul did nothing to deserve that. His own helplessness was gnawing at his nerves, everything was just so damn frustrating! And Akksul...He was the cause of this. He invented those stupid Roekaar in the first place! ...Of course he had his reasons. Reasons he could relate to, especially after his capture. He got it now. But there were things he still didn't understand. For example why Akksul had bothered to come there and in the end decided to rescue him from there. That was something he couldn't quite grasp.Why would Akksul do something like that?

"... _Why_?"

The other one knew exactly of what he was talking about, Scott could see it written on his face. The way he averted his eyes immediately. The way his shoulders tensed and his hands were closed to fists, shivering.

"I...I don't know."

Scott nodded in defeat. Of course he wouldn't get a straight answer. And why indeed should he? He couldn't even decide why it mattered so much to him in the first place.

Akksul struggled with the right words, but eventually he decided that there may be no right ones, but the importance to say them regardless of that was enormous. The human was balancing on the brink of a cliff, metaphorically spoken. He could sense the despair coming from this small, soft being in waves.

"In fact I had been...curious. And...maybe I was hoping that it will be different. That _they_ would be different..."

"Who?", Scott watched the agitated angara with a frown, not quite getting what the other one was talking about. Frustrated Akksul hit the wall with his bare hand, which he very much regretted because it resulted in the human to wince -and it was almost unbearable to be a witness of the vast fear that was ignited in that moment. It was proof of all he'd been so determined to prevent.

"I thought -hoped- that my people would be different...That they would never dare to humiliate and...and _hurt_ their prisoners the same as the Kett had done to us. I... Maybe I knew somewhere in my mind that they could be capable after all. I went there to check on them eventually, but I still hesitated to take action...And that I very much regret."

Now he was meeting the human's eyes again, almost about to bow right before him.

"I cannot ask you for forgiveness, I really don't want that,...at least not right now, but...you shall know that there won't be a moment in my life where I won't regret my past actions and that I'll do everything in my power to remedy the damage I inflicted."

"Akksul..."

The former Roekaar leader took Scott's hands, that he'd held up in protest, with determination and yet with much care.

"No. You have proven on every occasion that you are true to your words and I... _I failed you_. Even after our correspondence and getting to know you better...I failed to act fast enough hence my idealistic beliefs of those that are my own. I now know better and ask of you to try to see the past events, the things that had been done to you, as the act of those few... Do not allow this happening to define you and how you think of those around you. -Do not fall into the same darkness that I have come from..."

With tears in his eyes Scott tried not to lose his shit right now. All those bottled-up words of regret and sincerity, spoken with so much need to finally voice them.

"I..."

He did not know what to say. Clearly. Not entirely sure if it was appropriate but too overwhelmed with everything, Scott just did what felt right to him and leaned forward, putting his arms around the broad neck of this uncommonly angaran friend. Outsiders may found that picture to be strange beyond any means, but for Scott it felt entirely right. He held the taller man in his arms -admittedly while standing on tippy-toes- and just allowed both of them to dwell in their shared feelings of their hurt and regret. They were the same to an extend. Two sides of the same coin.

Both of them smiled as they parted from their somehow a little embarrassing hug. Neither of them cared for the tears that had been shed and the evidence of those still visible for their counterpart.

"...Do you require assistance in going inside?"

Scott shook his head in slight amusement.

"Do you want to accompany me?"

The angara thought of that for a moment, hesitant but Scott saw the wish clear as day. Chuckling he made room.

"Well, come on then. I guarantee you, there's enough room for that thick head of yours."

With a frown Akksul took the bait and let himself be dragged inside. Still halfway sure that this had to be some weird dream. Never would he have guessed the human to simply accept his words, to accept him with all his dark thoughts. Scott Ryder has not told him how stupid his feelings were or that everything was fine or that he forgave him or such niceties many would feel compelled to say after being faced with a speech like that. Scott Ryder simply had listened and accepted his need of being allowed to feel miserable for his wrongdoings. And he shared those emotions with him. Like family would do.

A strong stinging ache resided now inside his torso and it spread the more this strange alien gifted him with attention. The more he smiled at him, the more he talked, the more his warm brown eyes held his own. Never would he have guessed to find anyone ever again that he could feel compelled to. But here he was, craving for any response he could get. Captivated beyond means.

If he would someday be called a true friend by this adorable being somewhere in the future, then he would consider himself to be a big step closer to redemption for sure.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got some song in my mind all the time while writing that last part of Akksul and Scott. If you're interested, it's there: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCDxY1AO9OE


	16. Chapter 16

Scott sighed, taking another sip of his chocolate coffee and almost moaned out of pleasure. Seriously, drinking coffee after so long again was better than sex right now. It calmed his nerves, at least a bit. It was a pretty big step to sit in the office of the Resistance again, onto his very own chair. A strange feeling indeed. He had asked Evfra per mail if it would be alright for him to start working again and all he got was a short “If you please” and the Resistance leader had been nowhere near the HQ the whole day...

So for the most part Scott was working through the correspondence of the Resistance and the Andromeda Initiative Embassy. Things weren’t going that smooth at the moment. There had been some…diplomatic incidents. He shouldn’t have expected any less, but somehow he’d hoped for something different. There were countless species back at the milky way that were similar in being open about their feelings, hanar for example, and they had a hard time with the other species too. There were always some idiots that would try to make profit out of the sincerity of others or some who’ll simply try to destroy everything out of fun, bigotry or other stupid motives…

Why does this all have to be so complicated? Sighing he adjusted his headphones and skipped to the next song. Smiling while listening he opened a new mail, determined on settling some of those misunderstandings, especially the ones that began after his kidnapping. But that wouldn’t stop everything to go south. They needed something… Some common ground to be able to deal with one another more properly, for all those too narrow-minded or doubtful to consider the need to respect the other one to be able to live properly together in this galaxy.

_/Both sides have prejudices against one another. Cultural differences and the many gasps of information aren’t helping with that of course./_

“Well, so we need some form of...manual? Maybe nothing like that data I received at my first visit here on Aya though, I’m still only at page one thousand and something -and thus I haven’t read half of it. No one wants to work through so much.”

_/...I could arrange a list, putting together everything that’s vital for each side to communicate properly. But I should state that it won’t be a complete collection, information about the Resistance is severely lacking./_

“...I don’t think this will be manageable.”

Asking about such things felt a bit...off. As if they were checking for their military strength for a certain purpose -at least he knew that it would feel like that for many angara and many of those skeptic won’t take that kind of interest lightly... Besides the Initiative was at least just as secretive about their military as the Resistance -he had to justify himself for every last bit of information he’d given the angara.

With a shrug he decided that this whole affair was not a problem that he could solve while sitting at a desk. If it was something that could be solved at all to begin with... Idiots were definitely omnipresent in every species there is.

_/Evfra is on his way...with company./_

Scott held his posture as casually as possible, but of course he was all but relaxed. With a quick motion he put his headphones down, well, he had all but forgotten about the fact that he was not alone in here. But his conversations with SAM weren’t that new anymore, which of course didn’t mean that they were treated as something considered 'normal' of course... In fact he was now warily eyed by many of the soldiers. All but Raske. A blueish angara with red marks around his eyes. He had been one of the first of Evfra's soldiers that actually sought him out to ask for his thoughts -and surprisingly he took Scott's advice. They actually got along pretty well and somehow Scott regretted that he hadn't approached him. Maybe they would be able to find common ground not only while working but beyond that, too.

But maybe he should talk to Sohkaa first. He was the one that defied Saraal in the end. Without him Scott could've been dead already. There was no way that the Resistance would've found him so fast. And there was no way Akksul would've risked infiltrating that place without backup on the way. It would've been a suicide mission...

Evfra entered the room and Scott was determined to ignore the figure next to him as much as he could. He was afraid of her, but he wouldn't give her the satisfaction on showing that. She was nothing but scum, her brother though… Scott gulped. He was _everything._

-“Ryder...”

Scott winced slightly. He couldn’t help himself. Even though Evfra sounded extremely distant again, so very formal, he anticipated hearing his voice again. It felt like _ages_.

“...I believe we need to talk about the mission. Vjana told me that the Roekaar hadn’t been able to get the serum -but none of my men have it and according to Sohkaa’s report you are the only one that got close enough to actually know what happened with it.”

With a frown Scott crossed his arms. Unbelievable. They haven’t spoken since the incident and even though he was using the Resistance HQ today for now approximately 4 hours and a half Evfra decided to only appear now and _not alone_ for that matter. That asshole could say what he want, Scott _knew_ that he was avoiding him on purpose. He just didn’t know _why_.

Vjana was watching him and somehow her eyes were radiating such a devilish joy right now, it made him sick. He hadn’t been sure how exactly Evfra would be influenced by his sister, but the fact that Evfra took her with him was worrisome. She could do much harm with all that information at hand and Scott feared the worst. Evfra was one of the last he would declare as being easily manipulated, but… Even he must be shaken to the bone by such a revelation, being reunited after so long... Scott had no idea how their relationship had been before to even guess what was going on. And this maybe frightened him the most. He was clueless and with SAM the only one knowing how dangerous that woman truly was. She probably wanted to eliminate their ties with the Resistance, something he was desperate to prevent.

But all of that couldn’t stop him from feeling hurt or put an end to the rage that was building up. How he had longed to be able to stand before that asshole again! He had dreamed of a reunion, of getting a glimpse of...of _something_ out of him! And...nothing.

“Well, Evfra, nice to see you again, too. Did something worthy of mentioning happened while I was away?”, his sentence was full of sarcasm but before the angara could say something Scott continued, “- _Right_ , how about we start this conversation with another question first, as we seem to have skipped the whole small talk anyway: Why _the hell_ haven't you said something to me regarding the real nature of this damned mission?!”

“I don’t have to say anything to you.”

Scott raised an eyebrow.

“As a matter of fact, you very well do.”, he growled that disapproving glance he got fueled his anger only more. Crossing his arms he continued, “You know, I treated that bastard Saraal with as much politeness as I could muster while being continuously harassed and I did so not because I have a fable of being treated poorly, no, but because you specifically asked me to. And you? You simply decided to conceal such an important information! Don’t you have any respect, if not for me than at least for the Initiative with whom you work together, which I represent with my current stay here, my so called _apprenticeship_?”

“Do you have the serum or not?”

That was it! With one fluid motion Scott got up, took the pad and walked firmly past Evfra.

_/Scott, maybe you should focus on-/_

“No, I won’t participate in this shitshow any longer!”

-“You can’t simply walk away!”

Scott only gifted him with a nonchalant gesture of his favored middle finger. Which was the one to his left by the way.

“ _Watch me_!”

He got not that far, Evfra gestured to the guards to hinder him to leave and Scott felt his biotic powers charging dangerously. This time he used the fact that the angara could very well feel his willingness to take action.

-“Ryder, I think you have forgotten who’s your superior right now.”, Evfra’s low voice was even darker than normal. Scott raised an eyebrow.

“And _I_ think you have all but forgotten your manners right now!“, Scott sighed, “Thus I am reminding you with the utmost respect that holding me against my will is considered a serious insult for our people to which the Initiative won’t react all that happily... Even more so if I’ll decide to report to them just what exactly you’re considering as _your_ ‘sensible data’ -which by chance happens to be a highly dangerous and very lethal weapon _against us_."

"And that is precisely why it was treated with the utmost caution and on high priority to-"

"Ah, yes, _right_. And you entrusted this to someone like Saraal, obviously the best choice there was.", he shook his head in disbelieve. "So, just to get this straight: you thought a well-known xenophobic asshole-kind of a guy was more trustworthy with getting full authority over this whole operation...Instead of me, the human pathfinder which has dealt with that highly contagious serum before and who's interest to secure this weapon would've been without question?"

With every last bit of willpower Scott managed to summon he forced himself to a more calm and controlled body language. 

“I refuse to believe that you truly anticipate the consequences for this stupid display of power. And honestly, I am disgusted enough to just leave and quit our collaboration for good. Especially after what happened the last time I followed your instructions as my current superior -and just for the record: as such you are directly responsible for what has happened during the time I was on duty but well, as a matter of fact you don’t even know what that exactly is, do you? And I bet you had the time of your life trying to get something out of the other survivors.”, he knew he had quite the cold expression. He never wanted to become hateful and bitter...But well, here he was.

With a side-glance to the very cause of all his latest misery he had a hard time of forcing all this burning hate and anger aside for good. She was standing _right there_ and there was nothing he could do to get justice... As he glanced back to Evfra he found enough of...something to offer peace.

“...Evfra, the moment you find your manners again, you’re allowed to approach me again, _alone_ -that is my one and only condition. Talk to me like that again and I give you my word that any further cooperation will be all but easy for you.”

And with that he finally left. The two overstrained young soldiers at the exit took way too long to react. And there was only silence coming from their leader.

 

A couple of hours later Scott was training with Sara again. And even though they’ve been at it for almost 2 hours straight he still felt more than resentful. Jaal was there too, watching them mostly in silence just every little now and then would he start a short conversation, mostly with Sara though. But of course he wasn’t one to hold back his thoughts regarding the recent events. And how could he be blamed? Aya as a whole was in turmoil. His outburst was the newest gossip...

-“Scott, I still don’t understand.”

With a huff Scott avoided a kick of his dear sister. She was way too good with using her legs while fighting, getting hit hurt like a bitch.

“Well, at least that means I’m not alone in this.” Scott shrugged. He had no idea how all this got so messed up...

Sara neglected her fighting stance and stretched a bit, that was a clear sign for “I have enough”. Of course she would continue if he choose to ignore it. She would do it for him, but the next day she would complain nonstop about her body aching everywhere. And he really wasn’t keen on that. She would definitely sent him many texts to annoy him with statements declaring that he shall take responsibility for her injured state and such. A twin could be such a pain in the ass...

-“Brother mine, what if…what if Evfra has been kinda self-conscious about that fucked up mission and his own part in it and this is the reason for him not showing up before? -Maybe he simply had no idea how to handle the situation and did the only thing he felt comfortable with."

“...Which would be: behaving like the worst asshole there is?"

“Putting distance between you, yes.”

Scott gulped, somehow he had to admit that it sounded fucked up enough that it really could be coming from Evfra.

-“Sara may have a point.”

Jaal gifted him with one of his rare glances in which he seemed ridiculously wise, it was definitely one of his sexy expressions. And Sara seemed to agree on that he mused. Jaal harrumphed and got his attention again.

“Being as he is...it must’ve had an impact on him that you got caught. It may have been too familiar to him in a more...personal way.”

His family. Scott immediately knew. He would love to ask more, but he knew that Jaal wouldn’t answer anything about Evfra. He gave hints at best, nothing more. And Scott could respect that. Jaal was a good soldier, a good tinker, but above all he was one hell of a good friend. But somehow the thought of Evfra feeling guilty essentially because of what had happened back in his past wasn’t that great of a feeling. Maybe he was a self-serving fool for wishing the angara would only feel bad because of him, as a valued person, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to be more to that stoic asshole. So much more…

Sighing he dried his face and neck with his towel.

-“Oh, Scott, seems you got a message while we were at it.”, Sara had his pad in her hands.

“Sara, give it back!”

She jumped away from him, giggling while reading. “Well, well, well. Apparently he wants to meet you someplace _in private_!”

Sara wiggled with her eyebrows in a pretty unnecessary way while talking, forcing Scott to an annoyed and kind of humiliated moan. He couldn't handle that kind of talk right now... With a pleading face he eyed Jaal, who immediately raised his hands.

“I won’t interfere. This is clearly sibling business and shall remain between you two to debate.”, his glimmering eyes betrayed his carefully chosen words.

“Sadist...”, Scott muttered under his breath but he was far away from being truly angry. Somehow he had to admit that it felt nice to banter like that. “Sara, did... Did he happen to say where?”

She shrugged with a mischievous smile.

“Well, apparently you’ve 'met there before' -pretty vague if you ask me… But maybe you should change, who knows, could be worth it.”

“Uh, Sara, seriously, knock it off. This is starting to get ridiculous! ...He probably won’t apologize anyway, moving straight away to insulting me or god knows what. Just know that it won’t be pretty... -If I had any belongings here, I would’ve packed them already just in case.”

Shaking her head Sara took him into her arms, ruffling through his hair.

“Nah, it will be alright, you’ll see. I'm pretty sure he secretly cares for you well enough -beating the shit out of that prisoner before really hadn't helped with being discreet about it. …So I can’t quite believe that he’ll be that terrible to you. Maybe disciplining you a bit, after all you kind of verbally castrated him out in the open.”

Scott closed his eyes in pain. In a way she was right. He meant his words, he still did, but doing so in public...hadn’t been professional. But regarding that topic no one should expect him to be. Not after mere days since it happened...

"Well...I'll be on my way. Wouldn't want him to wait for me -if he’s still there that is...", he only realized now that his message was already an hour ago by now.

"Sure."

Sara was still grinning like some idiot but Scott ignored her and while he was attempting to leave Jaal shoved him into one hell of a tight embrace.

"Stay clear."

Somehow that casual angaran phrase sounded _so wrong,_ especially with Sara in the background almost bursting out of suppressed laughter. With hot cheeks Scott made his way. Probably wouldn't be such a long talk, he was pretty sure Evfra would be dealing with him fast, sending him back... Well, and maybe he was counting on that. He kind of _wanted_ Evfra to fire him since being back. A part of him desired nothing more than to be sent off this planet, as far away from Vjana as possible… It wouldn’t solve anything and thus was pretty stupid, but he couldn’t help feeling it nevertheless...

After fighting his way through the fauna at this hidden path Evfra had shown him some time back he was surprised to be confronted with said angara leaning with crossed arms against a tree next to the small table -with seemingly every muscle tensing the moment their eyes met... And it was pretty obvious that he hadn't arrived just now. Was he waiting for him all this time? That couldn't be true...could it?

“Ryder...”

Scott winced, he couldn’t stand the harsh tone of Evfra’s voice so he averted his eyes, not ready to look up to him again. As silence was creeping over, Scott felt the need to fill it with words.

“...I meant what I said and definitely won’t take it back.”

“I won’t ask you to.”

He had been prepared to fight, to shove his anger into that asshole’s face all over...but this statement caught him off-guard. Blinking his eyes locked onto those blue one's, not sure what he found in them. The angara used his perplexed state of mind and continued.

“I won’t ask that of you...”, Evfra got closer, only stopped a mere feet before him. “...because you are right. As the leader of the operation _I am_ responsible. For everything. And...I am sorry.”

Scott shivered, he’d thought that hearing him say that would make everything better, but somehow he felt even _worse_.

“Well, that’s just pretty hard to believe… The thing is, right now I am not sure if I’ll be able to trust you again. ...You said I earned your respect and yet you left me in the dark, withheld important information; you’ve sent me with a mentally unstable xenophobe in charge to a mission, ignored me after I finally came back and thus showing no concern or whatsoever; you were avoiding me this whole time, and on top of that treated me like trash the first chance you got. -So, how am I to believe that you’re sorry? Actions speak louder than words, Evfra.”

Scott shrugged helplessly. With a frustrated sound, one Scott had never heard before, Evfra wiped through his face with a weary expression. It reminded Scott of the fact how stressed and over-worked Evfra de Tershaav really was. Hidden behind his tight expressions was a fatigue too vast to determine... _Great_. Now Scott felt bad for accusing him like that.

"Believe it or not, it was not my decision to withhold that information. As much as I would anticipate it, sometimes even I have to follow orders from above."

Scott blinked in shock.

"I...never considered that as an explanation."

Evfra shrugged.

"And why would you? My face is plastered all over the place after all. Stars, even some of my own people do not know that there is a council. Don't get me wrong, they do not interfere that often and even then I am the one deciding what to do, but...as the heads of high society they have power in their own way... And I defied their demands way too often in the last couple of months...", he exhaled deep and held eye contact firmly, the seriousness in them made Scott's throat dry, "I'll be honest with you, my possibilities to act freely are limited right now."

"But...You are pretty famous yourself. I mean, everyone knows you and even those that speak not so nicely of you _respect_ you. How can those people possibly harm you?"

That got a dry laugh out of his counterpart -one that made Scott experience a full body goosebumps.

"In the range of politics? In _every_ way.", he shrugged it off. 

"Since your arrival the angara are divided. It is as you've said it: Actions speak louder than words. And apparently those in charge decided that I am way too good-natured towards you and your Initiative. They made it pretty clear that they expect me to be less compliant and won't stay put any longer if I do not meet their expectations."

Scott moaned in frustration but secretly he was overwhelmingly relieved. He was probably a maniac for even being happy for it. Evfra got problems because he cared for the Initiative, because he wanted to work together. Of course this meant a hell of a lot more future complications beginning with how they could work it out. But seriously he couldn't withhold the urge to smile.

 "And I thought I had been an idiot for previously believing that you don't really hate me and your behavior was just your strange way of expressing yourself."

Evfra frowned.

"Uh, you know what I mean..."

The angara lost his firm appearance and glanced amused.

"I believe I do."

With another relieved sigh Scott nodded. He could live with the current events. He definitely could.


End file.
